Missing co sleeping, help to restart please

[barefootfarmwife]

Sorry for the long-ish post. Wanted to give some history.

I made a disaster of breastfeeding and co-sleeping. All my well laid plans are in ruins. I had pretty bad post partum depression and it really had an impact on how I was able to handle parenting my newborn.

My little bean could only sleep with a nipple in her mouth if she unlatched she would wake up crying. I had major pelvic issues, was forced to sleep in a recliner which left me with too many nights of a 6lb. infant slipping to odd positions that scared me to death and amazed me she didn't suffocate. I would wake up in tears finding her that way so I never could sleep. NEVER! My milk caused her colic because of my stress, it all went downhill from there.

She was always hard to get to sleep after that. We went through every gadget and trick imaginable to get her calm in her cradle and now her crib. There has only been a couple times she has not CIO. Even at an early age we struggled to soothe her. She hates hates hates sleep, always did even when she was sleeping on me so that in itself isn't new. She will yawn and rub her eyes but fight sleep until she is out of her mind with frustration. As soon as I lay her down she wakes up.

She is very bright, very independant and very demanding. She is also my little sweetie and I miss the closeness so desperately. I am a SAHM and we spend our days in the same room but she hates to be held too long. Part of it is her personality part I blame on our rough start. She doesn't seem to need me, sometimes I feel like the hired help.

She is now 10 months old and her crying at naps and bed time is breaking my heart. I want so much to co sleep with her. I want so deeply to renew the heightened closeness by keeping her with me at night. I'm not sure if introducing it now would be more upsetting if it doesn't work or if there is any way for her to find peace at night again.

She has restless leg syndrome possibly, it runs in the family. She kicks her legs up in the air and slams them into the matress to sooth her herself. It seems to make her happy. The only thing I can do sometimes is to hold her tight so she can't wiggle and pat her. This doesn't often work. She will play in bed next to dh and I, crawl around and try to climb us. Basically any attempts to co sleep just translated into extended playtime in her eyes. If we try to wait it out she would never sleep and just get very very angry, we have tried.

Is there any hope for us or should I stick with what is sort of working even though it seems to make us both upset?

Any ideas?

[Bokonon]

When you say there have been only a few times that she hasn't CIO, do you mean that you held her while she cried, or that you left her in her room alone to cry herself to sleep? Because crying in the loving arms of a parent isn't CIO.

And breastmilk doesn't cause colic, even if the mom is stressed. But a food sensitivity or reflux can - have you discussed her crying with her ped.?

[barefootfarmwife]

Originally Posted by Bokonon

When you say there have been only a few times that she hasn't CIO, do you mean that you held her while she cried, or that you left her in her room alone to cry herself to sleep? Because crying in the loving arms of a parent isn't CIO.

And breastmilk doesn't cause colic, even if the mom is stressed. But a food sensitivity or reflux can - have you discussed her crying with her ped.?

When she was smaller she cried CIO in our arms or with us very close and patting her or something of that nature. We ended up having to put her in a woombie and prior to that a vibrating bouncer chair. It was exhausting because she figured out pacifiers don't work for food very early on.

Later she did CIO at the "standard" textbook age. Of course in hindsight I see about 10,000 things I could have done better or did wrong completely. I was sleep deprived and stressed to the point of not being able to function during the day. Looking back it sounds like a lame excuse but at the time it was unimaginably hard. She cried so often from the colic when she was awake. I was fried.

Had I some sense of sanity at the time I should have changed my diet for the BF. A family crisis came up and the rest is history.


I never thought to mention the sleepytime crying to ped. Seems silly of me not to now. I will at next appointment. She has always been high need so I just assumed it was more of her just being her. I have never had the idealic sweet natured babe so am accustomed to rough patches. She didn't sleep through the night until 9 months old. That's 3 months sooner than my ds and 8 1/2 later than every other baby I keep hearing about.

I know I messed up and not trying to garner sympathy. I just really want to bring her back to bed. I tried last night because dh was out of town for work.

Went okay I guess but the majority of the night she kept "shoving" me to the edge of the bed. Clearly she likes to be near me but getting her to sleep was a nightmare, 3 times over the night. I enjoyed her being there very much was just worried the whole time that she was too close to breath well if I was in a deep sleep and shifted. She pushes her face right up to me which doesn't give me room to tilt if I get uncomfortable. I toss and turn all night which is hard when she "crowds me". I still have some residual pelvic pain so as fun as the cuddling is I have to roll over, then she wiggles over and then I have nowhere to go, lol. don't get me wrong, I loved it just not a good way for a Momma to actually sleep.

We also shared a pillow some of the time but the angle of her head looked too extreme.

I'm too paranoid I guess.