biting me!

[PiePie]

DD has bit at my several times during bedtime resistance -- specifically, resisting getting her clothes changed (but the beginning of a bedtime struggle). Tonight she bit me hard. I removed myself from the situation immediately and am having DH take over bedtime. (Which probably just means she doesn't go down). I need some suggestions as to how other people deal with this. With hitting we have a hitting pillow, with biting we have in the past given her a toy to bite on. But this is somehow different this time. DH is coaching her to say sorry but that is not working for me, at all. He claims it is not a forced apology; I think it is an attempt on her part to reengage with me, which I do not want right now.

ETA: DD is 2. There have been a lot of hitting incidents at school for months. No biting that I know of, but I wouldn't necessarily know.

[BigC]

If you are getting into a situation that is so frustrating for her that she bites then something is wrong. I'd start thinking about moving bed time back. My kids like their sleep, but I have found that they go to sleep when they are ready, not when I wish they would.

Do you let her choose her PJs? My older son gets much more cooperative when he chooses his clothes.

You might also be getting some blow-back from problems at daycare. Investigate the hitting behavior. Has she changed teachers recently? Did her friends leave the class? When ds1 was at daycare we had a lot of problems at home because of problems at daycare (constantly changing care-givers).

[Demeter_shima]

I have a "biter" so I have been there.

My DS is just 2 as well and he is coming off of a several month biting frenzy. He bit me, his daddy, and almost EVERY one of his friends (at least he has tried) ...mostly the ones his size or smaller. I have had to helecoptor parent like crazy to keep it from happening. We tell him "No bite" and have gone with "we bite food, never people" etc...
trying to focus on the "can do" side of things. The hardest part for me is that he clearly has no idea that it's "bad" in any real sense. He has lost privleges and shows caring when his friend is crying , but I still don't think he makes the connection that HE HURT them and what that means.

This has been the hardest thing I've had to deal with as a parent. Some moms get to put thier toddlers down and knitt or chatt when they get together; I have to watch him like a hawk...JUST in case.

One thing that has helped more than others...redirection tactics.
"NO bite, we kiss!" My DS will now kiss almost imediatly after biting...or stop before a bite to kiss. It's a sense memory thing I think.

Good luck!
It is a phase that they grow out of (or so I am told) but it is hard to help them learn how to chanel their emotions in a constructive way.

[red17]

PiePie,
When I had my DD, I taught her a few signs just so that we could communicate more easily for basic needs. As time went on, she learned to speak more clearly, but when she couldn't tell me the words, she would sign if it was one she knew. When I had her at a routine Dr appt I learned from him that biting can be something that occurs when a child gets frustrated that the cannot effectively communicate something. Is it possible that she is trying to tell you something when you are trying to get her changed... maybe she wants to go to the toilet, needs a drink, wants to take her clothes off herself?? Biting wasn't something that I have had to deal with, but my friend's son (who was slow to talk) at times would try to bite when she took off his clothes but when she let him do it he was fine.

I hope this phase passes quickly for both you and your DD.

[PiePie]

thanks everyone. I took a little break and recharged my batteries (there was something about the sharp pain that was really triggering for me) while she was with daddy, and then she cried for me and I nursed her to sleep. Bedtime is already quite far back; perhaps I misstated it when I said that a struggle was going to ensue. We pushed it back as a way of shortening the period where I struggle with her; we are gradually moving it forward, and the end goal is still quite late (9:15). And I give her a choice of what to wear but lately she has been refusing to respond.

We had been in the practice of putting on her clothes for the next day the night before. Both parents woh and she goes to school and having her dressed already makes mornings easier. However, since the biting always or usually occurs in the context of struggling to get her dressed, I asked her if she would rather get dressed in teh morning and she agreed. She wants to sleep in just a pullup which I think is too cold and potentially messy but I assented; who knows, maybe she will change her mind soon enough. This may mean pushing the getting dressed struggle and biting to the morning, but then it will mean mostly DH getting bit -- we'll see how he likes it!

[PiePie]

I wanted to add that I found Playful Parenting helpful -- I think she is biting to assert psuedo-power in a situation in which she feels powerless; hence we are not forcing her to get dressed at night. I want to reread Playful Parenting and Becoming the Parent You Want To Be. Skimmed Unconditional Parenting (which I found so wonderful the first time around) and did not find it helpful. I did reassure her a lot last night that Mommy loves her even when I'm angry; she said she knows that.