DD stole from the store

[pomplemoose]

I know posts like this have been up before but my question is a little different. DD is 8 she stole a pack of gum from the grocery store, when i noticed I took her back to apologize and pay for it. I told her how it was wrong, how she wouldnt want someone to take something of hers, etc. At the time we were visiting friends for the weekend so it was hard to really get into it with her. She will be grounded for the week, except 2 days that she has to go to afterschool care. I Mostly told her how it was going to be really hard to trust her for a while. My question is, I was going to take her to see the play of beauty and the beast this weekend, its playing through feb. so I could take her another. DP says we should take away the play for now, that her behavior was outrageous, which i agree with she does know better. but honestly i was really looking forward to the play, and spending some alone time with her. would you skip the play, maybe go another weekend?

[Spirit Dancer]

DId you already tell her she could not go? I would not add to her punishment at this point- it never works to add to a punishment a day or more later because you think the original is not enough. Also if this is the first time she stole I would go as it seems she has been punished enough. My 2 cents.

[LynnS6]

I'd take her to the play. She's gone back to the store, she's apologized and she's been grounded for a week. How much more are you going to pile it on?

Thinking of it from an Unconditional Parenting perspective: Taking her will help your connection and will show her she's loved, even though she's done something wrong. You've made your point and need to foster the relationship now.

We all deserve a bit of grace now and then.

[meemee]

i agree. dont overdo the punishment thing.

even the grounding is not going to work if she disagrees with you. if she feels its ok to take without paying.

and as you pointed out that's what all kids to. i did too as a kid - except i stole a carrot. its a rite of passage.

dont go overboard.

[MusicianDad]

I'd take her to the play. I can't really see the connection between stealing a pack of gum and the play. I think you handled the stealing well by taking her back to the store to apologize and pay for it. I doubt I would ground, but we don't really do groundings in our house.

Not going to the play would just be overkill though.

[lonegirl]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I'd take her to the play. I can't really see the connection between stealing a pack of gum and the play. I think you handled the stealing well by taking her back to the store to apologize and pay for it. I doubt I would ground, but we don't really do groundings in our house.

Not going to the play would just be overkill though.

Truthfully, to me, there doesn't have to be a connection between stealing and the play....stealing is a serious offense. That being said....I would have taken away the play instead of grounding...but now time has passed it is too late.

Taking to her back to appologize and pay for it

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by lonegirl

Truthfully, to me, there doesn't have to be a connection between stealing and the play

To me there needs to be something that connects the "crime" and "punishment." I've never liked the idea of random punishment for something. You said the play over grounding? Why? What makes more sense about one than the other? To me neither really is going to make much difference in whether she learned the lesson or not.

I think that over a pack of gum for a first offense, she takes it back, apologizes, and probably doesn't get to do anything else that day because we had to take time out of our schedules to go back to the store. Grounding for a week or not taking her to a play seem like overkill.

[Grace and Granola]

I love the idea of using the play to show her that even though what she did was absolutely wrong, you still love her and want to connect with her. Maybe that conversation and the time alone for the play will help her open up about her feelings over the incident.