It would have been easier if you said MYOB!

[kdabbler]

To the teen mom I saw on the subway,

I had nothing but good intentions when I said, "I used to have one of those carriers. Carrying your baby that low will hurt your neck and back. May I help you adjust it?" I realize I'm a total stranger. But your arms were full with diaper bags and all. Giving me a cold hard stare and then dramatically turning your nose up and away left me wondering if I should have said it in Spanish. Or maybe you had to fly out of your house and you just didn't have time to adjust the carrier? My perhaps overbearing offer was simply salt in the wound about how tough you may have it? Or maybe, just maybe you are so close-minded and pig-headed that you actually thought carrying an infant in a SSC below your crotch was healthy for you and your baby?

I hope you had time to process my final words after you turned your nose, "Perdóname! Excuse me. I only wanted to help you carry your baby longer. Excuse me." Again, I apologize if I came off as some overbearing white lady who knows it all. It would have been easier if you had clearly and simply asked me to mind my own business.

I'm going off to look at some pictures of people being rescued in Haiti to remind me that there are some people who think they participate in a global community trying to help their neighbor.

[HeliMom]

Kdabbler,
I don't want to excuse rude behavior but perhaps give you some scenarios why someone might act the way they did. If the young woman in question was a teen mom chances are there are many many people telling her what to do how to parent. And if this is her first kid she might be a little unsure of herself already. That can be a combination for defensive behavior. I know even though I'm not a teen mom I'm guilty of getting defensive when someone tries to come up and tell me how to carry my kid.

Yes your comments meant well and were not well recieved. Maybe though she did hear you and will go home and look up how to adjust her carrier, you never know.

[Annie Mac]

She might have adjusted it later, when she had the presence of mind to process what you said. I was a teen mom, and you would not believe the rudeness and judgments they go through every day. I can remember struggling to open doors with the stroller and the diaper bag and people simply barging in ahead of me and allowing the door to slam in my face. Bus rides with a folded up stroller in my hand (I was too considerate to get on the bus with it unfolded), a diaper bag slung over my shoulder, a baby on my hip and no one offering their seat. One day I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when a woman charged up to me and demanded to know how old I was. I was so shocked that I just answered honestly (I was 19 at the time). She harrumphed and said, well, you look like you're 12! And what if I had been? And then there were the teachers who treated me (in my early 20s) as if I were barely literate -- until I casually dropped into conversation that I had my masters degree -- and then all of a sudden it was like I was a different person to them. Different from five minutes ago?

So anyway...the girl may well take the advice you gave her and adjust her carrier later on. I agree she should have at least acknowledged your suggestion more politely, but I imagine that she's faced every day with incriminations, discriminations and judgements based on nothing but her age. At the end of her day though, when she's had time to think it through, she might remember you as one of the people who were actually being kind to her, although she didn't realize it at the time.

[tanyam926]

Man, it really stings when you put yourself out there and someone acts coldly toward you. Maybe next time you could start a convo about the kiddos first to warm the person up and then offer help.

[lalemma]

Originally Posted by kdabbler

To the teen mom I saw on the subway,

I had nothing but good intentions when I said, "I used to have one of those carriers. Carrying your baby that low will hurt your neck and back. May I help you adjust it?" I realize I'm a total stranger. But your arms were full with diaper bags and all. Giving me a cold hard stare and then dramatically turning your nose up and away left me wondering if I should have said it in Spanish. Or maybe you had to fly out of your house and you just didn't have time to adjust the carrier? My perhaps overbearing offer was simply salt in the wound about how tough you may have it? Or maybe, just maybe you are so close-minded and pig-headed that you actually thought carrying an infant in a SSC below your crotch was healthy for you and your baby?

I hope you had time to process my final words after you turned your nose, "Perdóname! Excuse me. I only wanted to help you carry your baby longer. Excuse me." Again, I apologize if I came off as some overbearing white lady who knows it all. It would have been easier if you had clearly and simply asked me to mind my own business.

I'm going off to look at some pictures of people being rescued in Haiti to remind me that there are some people who think they participate in a global community trying to help their neighbor.

I can see that your feelings were hurt.

However, frankly: I think that's kind of the deal with unsolicited advice. If you feel free to give it, other people are going to feel free to not be thankful.

[RunnerDuck]

Originally Posted by kdabbler

Or maybe, just maybe you are so close-minded and pig-headed that you actually thought carrying an infant in a SSC below your crotch was healthy for you and your baby?

What exactly did you witness? Kinda makes it hard for me to form any opinion on this. But that sentence is just confusing. Did you mean the mom's crotch? Or the baby's crotch? Were you using any sort of baby carrier at the time yourself?

[nomnom]

This seems like a really judgemental post. Like you just jumpedto ofer your expertise instead of tryig to be helpful.