Feeling badly about the way one son falls asleep

[CalaRei]

Our boys sleep swaddled in their own cribs in their room. One of my boys, though can be out like a light, and the minute you put him down he starts fussing. I'm sure that's not really unusual. He doesn't give outright wails, just some indignant grunts and cries. He doesn't even open his eyes, and it lasts about 2-3 minutes or so.

Usually it goes something like this: Nurse babies at night, mostly sleepy or totally sleeping. Move to cribs. Kepler is still stirring, but not unhappy and settles himself to sleep (unless his reflux is bothering him, but that's a different story). Tycho seems totally asleep for 2 minutes until you get back to bed, when he starts shouting. If you back off and let him work it out for just those few minutes, he's fine. If you race in to pick him up, you start doing that in a loop for the next hour, though sometimes just rubbing his tummy firmly will settle him better than actually picking him up so I'll do that.

Is it *awful* of me to hold back while he cries for those couple of minutes? Is that really CIO? The tone of his cries change if he's not going down the path of getting to sleep, and then we intervene. If it goes over 3-5 minutes, we also scoop him up and try again.

[CalaRei]

For what it's worth, he wakes up really angry from naps and things. Before he even opens his eyes, he scrunches up, turns all red, and lets out a few cries. I usually just snuggle him until he's truly awake, and when he is, he's happy as a clam. (I can't blame him, I get cranky when I wake up, too.)

[Llyra]

I think it's fine. You're nearby, right? Ready to intervene if it goes sour? CIO is something differently entirely. It's ignoring a child's cues and leaving them alone in the dark to cry for extended periods of time so that they'll follow your agenda even when it doesn't fit their biological and emotional needs. This is something different-- you're clearly tuned in to the child's needs. You know he needs to sleep, you know this is his way of doing it, you've tried picking him up and you know that doesn't fill his need, and you're staying close enough to step in if his needs change. You're there when he wakes, to help him with that transition. Sounds fine to me.

I don't think you have anything to feel badly about.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by Llyra

I think it's fine. You're nearby, right? Ready to intervene if it goes sour? CIO is something differently entirely. It's ignoring a child's clear cues and leaving them alone in the dark to cry for extended periods of time so that they'll follow your agenda even when it doesn't fit their biological and emotional needs. This is something different-- you're clearly tuned in to the child's needs. You know he needs to sleep, you know this is his way of doing it, you've tried picking him up and you know that doesn't fill his need, and you're staying close enough to step in if his needs change. You're there when he wakes, to help him with that transition. Sounds fine to me.

I don't think you have anything to feel badly about.

I agree completely. I also think some babies learn to settle themselves with grunts and moans and even cries (for short periods of time) and it's part of their process. If he was crying non-stop it would be different. The fact that he stops in a few minutes is a sign that he is okay, not exhausted from crying. My little boy used to cry, whine, and moan a bit at bed time sometimes, and now that he has words he tells himself stories and sings himself songs. It's just a part of how he calms down at night. Not all crying is sad and lonely crying, ya know? Some of it may just be noise to ease himself to sleep.

Originally Posted by CalaRei

For what it's worth, he wakes up really angry from naps and things. Before he even opens his eyes, he scrunches up, turns all red, and lets out a few cries. I usually just snuggle him until he's truly awake, and when he is, he's happy as a clam. (I can't blame him, I get cranky when I wake up, too.)

FWIW, I have discovered with my baby girl that this behavior is a cue that she needs to poop or pee, and if I hold her over her potty bowl as she comes to, she releases her bowels and/or bladder completely and then she is all calm and relaxed, and often goes right back to sleep, with no need for a nappy change and fussing about with snaps on onesies and such.

[Xavismom]

My DS doesnt do this at night, but he does do it for naps. I nurse him into a nap, and then set him down, he usually grunts and makes some noises for a few before he settles back down to sleep. He does like a soft crying, it sounds almost like a cat meowing Now that it doesnt make me go into mom-panic, I think its very cute.

I was very upset about it at first, and so was DH, we would scoop him back up to 'console' him, but we realized pretty quick he wasnt crying for that.

I think youre totally fine too mama, and FWIW, I think from your sig, our sons are only apart in ages by a month.

[Conifer]

hi,
My ds (born 10-26) does this sometimes too. We don't really call it crying...it's more like complaining. Like "Hey...this isn't the warm cuddly place I was a minute ago". I generally pat his back gently and offer him his pacifier (I put him to sleep on his tummy. people can yell at me if they want too, but he LOVES to sleep on his tummy and his crib is right by the bed). Anyway, within a minute or 2 he is content and sleeping. I never make him CIO. If his eyes were open or he seemed distressed I pick him up immediately, but in the case I am talking about (and it seems the OP is talking about), the LO just realizes there is a change and fussing a bit while getting himself content. You sound like a very caring and loving mama Also, my ds sometimes wakes up on the "wrong side of the crib". I sometimes think that he wakes up before he was ready. I usually nurse him for a minute or two right after he wakes up...I guess he is a bit like me in the morning before I have my coffee. In general he is a cheerful baby so I don't worry about these things too much although this is my 3rd so it takes a bit for me to be worried.

[koalove]

nope, not even close to cio. have you tried belly sleeping him? if you feel comfortable with it, it might help. it helped a ton for my ds. good luck!

[MamaPhD]

Originally Posted by Llyra

I think it's fine. You're nearby, right? Ready to intervene if it goes sour? CIO is something differently entirely. It's ignoring a child's cues and leaving them alone in the dark to cry for extended periods of time so that they'll follow your agenda even when it doesn't fit their biological and emotional needs. This is something different-- you're clearly tuned in to the child's needs. You know he needs to sleep, you know this is his way of doing it, you've tried picking him up and you know that doesn't fill his need, and you're staying close enough to step in if his needs change. You're there when he wakes, to help him with that transition. Sounds fine to me.

I don't think you have anything to feel badly about.