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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Personal Growth › Laying it all out here in hopes for some inspiraton to change (flaming welcome, maybe it will help lol) update post 41!
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Laying it all out here in hopes for some inspiraton to change (flaming welcome, maybe it will...

post #1 of 98
Thread Starter 
Ok, so I make SURE that my dd is taken care of, eats right *no choice since she has E.C.* but even before the strict diet she is on, she ate organic food etc.

For me, I don't. I'm lazy, careless, and need to change. I'll just make a list of my unhealthy habits and can someone please tell me some good reasons why I should change, if I will feel better, links, anything. I need motivation. I keep saying I will change, but I never do.

1. I smoke cigarettes. I have a number to call to get FREE patches to quit. I haven't even called. I like to smoke. I'm scared I'll get mean.
not anymore.. update post 41 =D

2. I eat so unhealthy, I eat McDonalds on a regular basis, brownies, junk. I really want to be a vegan; or at the very least start as a vegitarian, but then I have no patience to cook. I need some good reasons.

3. I'm on medications for panic/anxiety disorder which from what I'm told, is a comorbid from having Aspergers disorder. I LITERALLY can not function without meds. I'm on disability. I'm not looking for a magic cure, but IDK, I just wish there was a natuaral EQUIVILENT to zanax, and zoloft.

4. I am addicted to sleeping I think. I HATE waking up, I am a night owl and I stay up too late for fear of I dont' know what. Is there a benefit to going to bed early?

5. No motivation.

6. Oh yeah, and 100 percent of my liquids are diet coke! I KNOW this can not be healthy, but I'm addicted. I have withdrawls if I go 12 hours or less.

Please tell me how I will feel better if I make these life changes. Thanks everyone!
post #2 of 98
Hi there, I am almost (1) full year of being smoke free I was a 3+ decade smoker and loved to smoke. I have wanted to quit for a long time, not because I didn't like it but because I knew my quality of life was down and that I could become really, really sick and maybe die young.

So last year at this time my smoking inventory was: I knew no one else who smoked (aside from my mother and husband), it was increasingly difficult to smoke anywhere in public, I didn't smoke indoors and so I was always 'tied' to the back porch, I was ashamed that I smoked, I was getting no younger and knew that if I didn't quite soon I never would, I spent a great deal of money on cigarettes, and I was a role model for my lovely 4 year old child.

As if any of that was enough to keep smoking? I just kept lighting up thinking about quiting. Then one night my dd asked me very curiously, "mommy, how long are you going to live?" She was a liitle scared just realizing I was not going to live forever and trying to grasp the concepts a 4 year old tries to grasp. I said as I smoke my f'n cigarette, "I don't know". This was my trigger... I quite that night, almost a year ago.

All in all it was easy on one hand. ONce the 'real' decision to quit happens the doing becomes easy. My husband, a hardcore smoker of more than 40 years quit 3 weeks later and my mother, a smoker of more than 60 years quit 5 months ago. They both used the patch (I highly recomend) and I used the gum.

It is so worth it. Aside from our quality of life (and literally breath) improving, we have saved over $3000.00. Not even to mention that now my precious daughter is not exposed to the smoke or habit anymore.
post #3 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenlunatic View Post
Hi there, I am almost (1) full year of being smoke free I was a 3+ decade smoker and loved to smoke. I have wanted to quit for a long time, not because I didn't like it but because I knew my quality of life was down and that I could become really, really sick and maybe die young.

So last year at this time my smoking inventory was: I knew no one else who smoked (aside from my mother and husband), it was increasingly difficult to smoke anywhere in public, I didn't smoke indoors and so I was always 'tied' to the back porch, I was ashamed that I smoked, I was getting no younger and knew that if I didn't quite soon I never would, I spent a great deal of money on cigarettes, and I was a role model for my lovely 4 year old child.

As if any of that was enough to keep smoking? I just kept lighting up thinking about quiting. Then one night my dd asked me very curiously, "mommy, how long are you going to live?" She was a liitle scared just realizing I was not going to live forever and trying to grasp the concepts a 4 year old tries to grasp. I said as I smoke my f'n cigarette, "I don't know". This was my trigger... I quite that night, almost a year ago.

All in all it was easy on one hand. ONce the 'real' decision to quit happens the doing becomes easy. My husband, a hardcore smoker of more than 40 years quite 3 weeks later and my mother, a smoker of more than 60 years quite 5 months ago. They both used the patch (I highly recoment) and I used the gum.

It is so worth it. Aside from our quality of life (and literally breath) improving, we have saved over $3000.00. Not even to mention that now my precious daughter is not exposed to the smoke or habit anymore.
Thank you so much for your story!! I highlighted the area's where we were in the same boat. I hate the fact that my dd knows what a cigarette is, and she asks me why, and I tell her that mommy is bad. I mean, what else do I say? Congrats on being smoke free for a year You story really is inspirational.
post #4 of 98
I'm sorry you are facing this right now in your life. Your eating and sleeping habits, and your lack of motivation lead me to think you may have depression. You said you are on medication, but maybe this dosage and/or type is not working for you.
post #5 of 98
I so agree, treegardner. OP, are there things you do get excited/motivated about, or do you feel like life is just kind of blah and steady most of the time?

Anytime I see someone calling themselves lazy I feel like they've attached a judgment to their behavior choices. I'm wondering if there's a lot of guilt that you're feeling right now, as well.
post #6 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by treegardner View Post
I'm sorry you are facing this right now in your life. Your eating and sleeping habits, and your lack of motivation lead me to think you may have depression. You said you are on medication, but maybe this dosage and/or type is not working for you.
This could be very true, although I'm not sure.. I'm on the highest dose of zoloft, which is 200mg/day. I have a history of depression, and definitily have some red flags.. I'll bring this up to my doc. Thanks.
post #7 of 98
Thread Starter 
do you feel like life is just kind of blah and steady most of the time? yes
Anytime I see someone calling themselves lazy I feel like they've attached a judgment to their behavior choices. I'm wondering if there's a lot of guilt that you're feeling right now, as well. I would have to answer yes to this as well[/QUOTE]
post #8 of 98
I think a counselor might really help in that regard
post #9 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by racheepoo View Post
I think a counselor might really help in that regard
I can do that definitily! My psychiatrist who is very awesome to say the least, has suggested this, but I declined, thinking that since I have Aspergers, counseling wouldn't help, since it's neurological. All I have to do is tell him I changed my mind on the next visit, or email him.

eta: he has NO CLUE about the smoking and excessive diet coke. I was too embarrassed to even bring it up.
post #10 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post

2. I eat so unhealthy, I eat McDonalds on a regular basis, brownies, junk. I really want to be a vegan; or at the very least start as a vegitarian, but then I have no patience to cook. I need some good reasons.

3. I'm on medications for panic/anxiety disorder which from what I'm told, is a comorbid from having Aspergers disorder. I LITERALLY can not function without meds. I'm on disability. I'm not looking for a magic cure, but IDK, I just wish there was a natuaral EQUIVILENT to zanax, and zoloft.

4. I am addicted to sleeping I think. I HATE waking up, I am a night owl and I stay up too late for fear of I dont' know what. Is there a benefit to going to bed early?

5. No motivation.

6. Oh yeah, and 100 percent of my liquids are diet coke! I KNOW this can not be healthy, but I'm addicted. I have withdrawls if I go 12 hours or less.

Please tell me how I will feel better if I make these life changes. Thanks everyone!
I'll start with #2 on your list. Don't shoot for vegan/vegetarian just yet. Transition easily. Like RavenLunatic said with the smokes, the food you are eating is also modeling for your DD, even if she does need a restricted diet. So cut back or go cold turkey. But do it in a way that works for you and doesn't overwhelm you. Everytime you reach for a smoke, a BigMack or sugary snack, know that you alone have the power to decide if you are really going to pick it up and eat it. It's really your choice no matter what your urges may be.

It is easy for someone to say just don't buy those things, but eventually that is what it will come down to. You will have to choose between the lifestyle you currently live in or the one you want to have. So find a way that works for you. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate your successes.


Like other posters have mentioned, maybe you should discuss your meds with your doctor again, maybe that is what you could change right now. And come clean about it all. They can't help you as well if they only know part of the picture.

And you wanted to know how much better you will feel? It will be absolutely amazing. I am a firm believer that if you put junk in, you get junk out. So start putting some good stuff in there so that you will have the energy to do what you want to do. I know if I eat fast food at this point, I feel awful afterwards. So pay attention to how you feel after you eat. Does what you are eating make you feel good and energetic? Or do you feel a sugar/caffeine buzz that's going to let you down? Or do you just plain feel <blah> afterwards?

Best wishes for you to make the positive changes you desire.
post #11 of 98
Personally, I'd deal with one issue at a time, or otherwise I'd be overwhelmed. Other than mentioning stuff to your doctor as pps suggest (and I think is a good step), let the other things slide for a bit. I would think the smoking is the first place to start.

Unless you are independently weathy, smoking is insanely expensive. I was recently standing at the grocery store checkout counter with my 12 yo dd, where the prices of cartons of cigarettes were posted. We figured that for what a serious smoker spends, you could buy a nice used car in a couple of years. She was shocked.

Figure out how much you spend a year or month on cigarettes. What other things could you be spending that money on? Debt elimination? An emergency fund? A college fund for your child? Imagine how you would feel if you had say, five years worth of smoking money applied to something that is a financial goal of yours. There are so many good options as opposed to flushing that money away on smoking.

Not to be trite, but smoking kills people. You know that on one level, but to live through it like I have brings it home. My mom died at 64 from lung cancer. My kids will never know her and I can't tell you how much that hurts all of us. My dad had just retired, and they had plans to travel and relax after raising 6 kids. Smoking cheated them out of that. My mom loved everything about smoking. She was afraid to stop for fear she'd gain weight. When she was bald and vomiting her brains out with chemo, she was pretty remorseful and wished she'd made different decisions.

Second hand smoke can affect your kids whether or not you smoke in front of them. The smoke still clings to you and you expose them. Some of the lasting effects your children can suffer even after they are grown include high blood pressure and psychological stress. Children of smokers are more likely to end up smoking themselves. When they are adolescents, they tend to have more behavioral problems.

You have the power to make a hugely positive change for your child's future, not just yours. You care enough about her to make sure she eats well, so think about how much this could mean to her. If you can't quit for you, maybe you could quit for her. Talk to your doctor about the patch or other aids. Those things do give many people the extra help they need to overcome such a powerful habit.

I hope this comes across as encouragement and not flaming, because that certainly is the spirit in which it is intended.

Edited to add--You say you worry you might get mean. Well, for a little while you might, but your self-awareness might help alleviate that. You may be cranky while you are going through withdrawl. Being temporarily "mean" is a lot less damaging to those around you than being permanently dead. My stylish, slender mom who was so worried about gaining a few pounds came to realize too late that being a live size 8 was a whole lot better than being a dead size 2.
post #12 of 98
I agree with Theia on the food issue, pay attention to how your body feels after you eat. I have a real problem with fluctuating energy throughout the day, and also have stress related stomach problems, and when I started this exercise, I started getting some real answers about what the food was doing to me. For instance, if I eat some protein for a snack instead of junk carbs or sugar, I don't get as much energy at once, but I don't feel awful after the energy dies off either, and it lasts longer. I know that if I am stressed and I eat and drink certain things, my stomach will be a wreck.

I agree that you could use some counseling to help you get in a more positive place. You can't take care of yourself and your body if you don't love yourself and your body. Have you tried some positive self affirmations? I can't say enough about what that did for my self esteem. You will probably need additional help to change your thinking, but it might be a good place to start.

You have a lot on your plate now, so take it slow, and celebrate the little successes. Baby steps. You are worth it.
post #13 of 98
Thread Starter 
Making my first step, I'm on the phone with the florida quit line to get the patches =D for those in Fl, the number is 18778226669
post #14 of 98
Regarding the Diet Coke ~ I too, was a Diet Coka-a-holic. I still drink 1 a day, but that's it. You don't have to totally give it up. I started having water with my meals and my DC as a "special treat" mid afternoon, when I really needed it. Sometimes I'd end up drinking two, but two Diet Cokes is WAY better than 5 or 6. Don't eliminate them, just try and scale back a little .

Good for you for getting those patches!
post #15 of 98
I was a heavy, heavy smoker and a diet coke head. Here's my two bits:

1. I never knew I stank until I quit smoking. As a non-smoker, I can smell a smoker a million miles away now and am always appalled by it. I see in one of your responses that you called the helpline, which is awesome. If you ever falter, just remind yourself that the first 72 hours is really critical - after that, the nicotine is gone and it's all emotional. Even now, when I'm stressed out I imagine having a cigarette, but never would because I'd have to quit again.

2. I think you're probably severely dehydrated. Instead of trying to quit drinking DC, just make a deal with yourself to have a glass of water for each DC you have. You will probably be craving more water within a few days.

I just wanted to say that I am really impressed with the amount of courage it took to post. I think you are a brave woman and are on the verge of some major, positive life changes. Please keep us posted on your success!
post #16 of 98
I would like to recommend a book called The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. I felt that I was lazy too, but once I got my health under control and on the right supplements I felt better than ever. She also talks about nicotine addiction and caffeine/sugar addictions and what supplements can help. Truly, if you are deficient in vitamins/minerals, that can be causing all kinds of the problems you are describing. It's not your fault! You can get better, I promise.
post #17 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ps4624 View Post
I was a heavy, heavy smoker and a diet coke head. Here's my two bits:

1. I never knew I stank until I quit smoking. As a non-smoker, I can smell a smoker a million miles away now and am always appalled by it. I see in one of your responses that you called the helpline, which is awesome. If you ever falter, just remind yourself that the first 72 hours is really critical - after that, the nicotine is gone and it's all emotional. Even now, when I'm stressed out I imagine having a cigarette, but never would because I'd have to quit again.

2. I think you're probably severely dehydrated. Instead of trying to quit drinking DC, just make a deal with yourself to have a glass of water for each DC you have. You will probably be craving more water within a few days.

I just wanted to say that I am really impressed with the amount of courage it took to post. I think you are a brave woman and are on the verge of some major, positive life changes. Please keep us posted on your success!
Thanks you I will definitily keep all of you posted. I'm so happy to have so much support, it really means so much to me. I'll be getting the patches in the mail in approx 2 weeks, than I'll be recieving daily phone calls from a counselor through the program About the dehydration, that is VERY true. In the past, whenever I had to go to the ER, it never failed, I always had to get an IV for dehydration! The lady on the phone told me the best thing would be to set my quit date for a saturday, so the date is Feb 20th, although it could be the saturday before that, it all depends when my patches show up. Dh is going to take care of dd during the critical time. I'm so going to do this!!
post #18 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cody'smomma View Post
I would like to recommend a book called The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. I felt that I was lazy too, but once I got my health under control and on the right supplements I felt better than ever. She also talks about nicotine addiction and caffeine/sugar addictions and what supplements can help. Truly, if you are deficient in vitamins/minerals, that can be causing all kinds of the problems you are describing. It's not your fault! You can get better, I promise.
Thanks for the book suggestion! I've saved it to notepad so next time I go to the library, I'll be sure to check it out
post #19 of 98
Quote:
I just wish there was a natuaral EQUIVILENT to zanax
If you live in Florida, you should be able to get pineapple sage to grow with no problem. IME, a cup of pineapple sage tea (it doesnt turn color; stays clear but is slippery and so good) SERIOUSLY is equivalent to taking a zanax. Your doctor wont be able to advise you about this and there is VERY LITTLE info online or elsewhere that I can find, but I am speaking from experience when I say it is a very sedative and calming herb.

ANother thing I wanted to mention is about the diet cokes and your sleeping troubles, which are certainly related. I had the same problems as you (well Dr.Pepper is my problem, but I couldnt go to sleep or get up at a decent hour and would often be up all night). I started cutting off the soda at 5pm and I cannot stress the amazing difference this made in my sleeping patterns. I still dont much like to get up in the mornings, but finally now when I lay down at night I can close my eyes and go to sleep instead of buzzing and thinking and tossing and having to get back up.

Good luck to you!
post #20 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
Thanks you I will definitily keep all of you posted. I'm so happy to have so much support, it really means so much to me. I'll be getting the patches in the mail in approx 2 weeks, than I'll be recieving daily phone calls from a counselor through the program About the dehydration, that is VERY true. In the past, whenever I had to go to the ER, it never failed, I always had to get an IV for dehydration! The lady on the phone told me the best thing would be to set my quit date for a saturday, so the date is Feb 20th, although it could be the saturday before that, it all depends when my patches show up. Dh is going to take care of dd during the critical time. I'm so going to do this!!
You rock.

Keep telling us how it's going because we care.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Personal Growth › Laying it all out here in hopes for some inspiraton to change (flaming welcome, maybe it will help lol) update post 41!