My son is such a naysayer!!

[sierramv]

I am worried because he is definately a, glass is half empty, kind of kid and he's only 7. He self punishes by putting himself in his room if reprimanded for anything. Or he'll bonk himself on the head, not hard. He hates to get things wrong and gets frustrated very easily.

I struggle with how to respond, nothing seems to work. Would you consider him a highly sensitive child? I am worried that his negative attitude is affecting his 3.5 year old brother. Is it normal for some kids to be like that. My husband and I are not negative people, we aren't overly bubbly, but definately not naysayers. Just not quite sure where to go from here??

[Gray's Mommy]

It sounds like your son is a perfectionist. My oldest does this sometimes & we just let him have his space. Then we look for options to figure out what is frustrating him & how he can "fix" it.

[Pavlovs]

Originally Posted by sierramv

I am worried because he is definately a, glass is half empty, kind of kid and he's only 7. He self punishes by putting himself in his room if reprimanded for anything. Or he'll bonk himself on the head, not hard. He hates to get things wrong and gets frustrated very easily.

I struggle with how to respond, nothing seems to work. Would you consider him a highly sensitive child? I am worried that his negative attitude is affecting his 3.5 year old brother. Is it normal for some kids to be like that. My husband and I are not negative people, we aren't overly bubbly, but definately not naysayers. Just not quite sure where to go from here??

My son does the same thing at age 5. I look forward to the responses!

[MariaMadly]

Originally Posted by Gray's Mommy

It sounds like your son is a perfectionist. My oldest does this sometimes & we just let him have his space. Then we look for options to figure out what is frustrating him & how he can "fix" it.

Same here. He feels what he feels, and there are ways to equip him to carry that. We have one like this too and try to keep catching ways to help his perfectionism be a gift. I often hear myself telling him that he's got a good eye for how things need to be and to hold that thought . . . . that the interim work and sometime compromises don't in any way undermine what good can come of a given situation.

Tough to do when he gets it from me.

[sierramv]

So what is the best way to deal with a perfectionist child?? I am definately not, so it is hard for me to understand where the need to get things right and be right all the time comes from.

[Comtessa]

My cousin's LO does this too, though she might be a bit more extreme than your DS. They're about the same age.

She gets frustrated very easily when something isn't "right" or if she can't understand something, and any small frustration can lead very quickly to a screaming tantrum or physical lashing out (breaking things, hitting her head). She's had a couple of preliminary dx (though I don't remember what) and they put her on a low dose of meds that seems to be helping her - she is able to focus more on tasks, which means they get done "properly" in her estimation, with less frustration. It also seems to be helping her relax her own high-strung way of dealing with that frustration.

Just to be clear, I am NOT generally a proponent of psychiatric drugs for children!!! But in this case, the low-dose meds have really made her gentler with herself and less frustrated and angry all the time, which lets more of her sweet personality shine through. (The "normal" dose for her age was waayy too much though.)

Incidentally, one activity that really calms her and gives her a lot of joy is drawing - not coloring in the lines, but free creative activity without too many limits. Having no "rules" about the way something is "supposed" to look seems to free her to try new things and come up with new ideas. Perhaps you could offer some activities like this to your DS? He may just have too many "shoulds" in his life and could benefit from activities that don't have any rules attached.

[Kuba'sMama]

my son is a perfectionist and a negative one at that. I believe there is a fine line between boosting his self-esteem, giving him opportunities to succeed and also accepting him just the way he is.
Maybe it's a bit easier for me, because we're very similar. I too was and am a perfectionist and a bit pessimistic. I think that those kids for the most part don't need added pressure to succeed (they're already hard enough on themselves). We like to do a lot of non-competitive activites, as opposed to overly structuring. Nature, hiking, pretend play are all things my son enjoys and becomes engrossed in. He is also a good judge of his own performance, so we try to remain feedback neutral unless he really has accomplished something he's proud of (he can see right through an absent-minded "good job").

[ollyoxenfree]

It's helpful if he can learn to view a negative in a positive light. If he complains that something isn't working out, or that he's failed, is he able to identify something that he learned so that the next attempt will be improved. The next attempt may not be a success, but it may be better than the last one. Focusing on incremental improvements, rather than final outcomes is important.

Resilient people realize that a failure is really just a step on the path to success. If someone has never failed, it means they haven't tried either.