"I'm going to punch myself in the mouth and knock my teeth out"

[Surfacing]

4.5 y.o. dd said this last night at bedtime because she was frustrated that she couldn’t listen to her CD (which I offered 20 minutes prior and she said no thanks to).

It really bothers me when she makes self-harm statements like that. I admit I did NOT handle it well last night as I had been listening to her dramatics all night and just had enough.

At school, with my mom who babysits her, and out in the world at large, people see her as a bright, happy, cheerful, smart, vibrant, wonderful girl. And she is! But at home we see this other side that is extendo-tantruming, extremely dramatic. And at times I hear her make self-harming statements like she doesn’t want to be alive anymore, it’s too difficult, she will make herself stop breathing, etc. I have mentioned it to our family doctor who is only concerned if her GENERAL mood day in and day out is morose and down.

Really? Is it “normal” for kids to make statements like this? How should I handle it? I am concerned.

[Surfacing]

Or am I just being overly sensitive and paranoid, and this is a normal attention seeking thing?

[Autumn Breeze]

My 8 yo does it too, and it really bothers me as well. I'm bypassing our ped and taking him straight a behavioral specialist. Which our insurance 'allows'. Perhaps it's something you want to look into?

[Surfacing]

What's a behavioural specialist? (I'm in Canada)

Does your son actually DO what he threatens to do? (I'm sorry you're going through this.) Any family history of mood disorders, suicidal tendencies, etc?

Sorry, hope that's not too personal. Of course if you don't want to answer, that's perfectly fine. That's one of the things that worries me. There is depression and anxiety on all sides of the family tree, incl. suicidal feelings. Also borderline personality disorder and borderline traits on my dad's side. Sometimes I wonder if these things are a little glimmer, a little sign. I can remember feeling so much like my dd does when I was younger. Sometimes her feelings are so big they're hard to deal with. We've talked about that.

Just want to make sure I parent her through this right.

OTOH, if it's really not a big deal then I shouldn't pathologize her, ya know?

Any other thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated!

[Autumn Breeze]

Originally Posted by Surfacing

What's a behavioural specialist? (I'm in Canada)

Does your son actually DO what he threatens to do? (I'm sorry you're going through this.) Any family history of mood disorders, suicidal tendencies, etc?

Just want to make sure I parent her through this right.

OTOH, if it's really not a big deal then I shouldn't pathologize her, ya know?

Any other thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated!

A psychiatrist for kids basically.

No, he does not act out any of his threats. But he frequently wants to "bash the head in" of him or anyone he might be angry at. He said this over the weekend while poking into a mole hole in the back yard.

Yes, there is a family history. I myself am also bipolar, so his words can be very triggering.

I think you have to feel it out and decide for yourself what direction you want to take. It could be that she's young enough you can turn this around yourself with constant praise, and choosing your words wisely when she requires redirection or some form of discipline.

I hope it's that way for you. I just think my son would benefit from talking to someone else other than one of his parents or grand parents.

[Surfacing]

Thanks for weighing in.

BTW, dh mentioned this comment to dd tonight at a relaxed fun moment, and she said she got it from this vampire book she was reading (a comic book for older kids from the library -- she's quite intrigued and wanted to take it out every time we go there, so we finally did and read it to her, talking a lot about what's happening as we go).

As for your son talking to someone else other than parents or gparents -- yeah. Best wishes to you and him.

[Althetrainer]

kids say the darndest things

I remember last year, when my son who was 7 said to me one night, "I am going to go outside (-35C) and freeze myself to death." It was bedtime and I didn't let him do what he asked to do. I was surprised but Of course, I didn't take him seriously. Kids say whatever it takes to get the attentions they want. Unless something traumatizing happened and that you believe the behavior is a result of the unpleasant experience, I wouldn't worry too much about it. JMHO. Al

[meemee]

my dd is a perfectionist and when she is going thru a hard time - she says stuff like that. not every day but once in a while. at 3 she jumped out of the tent and yelled at the bird outside 'if you dont shut up i am going to get a gun and shoot you dead'. i had no idea she knew about guns, shooting and death. apparently it was boyspeak she picked up at the ps. however she knew exactly what she was saying.

if this is all she is doing then i think its a perfectly normal thing. however if there are other self harming behaviours, attitudes or talks or depression or extreme rage then definitely i would take him to be seen.

i hear you on your reaction. one of the places i have been able to remain to help me keep things in perspective is knowing that even thru that kind of talk i know what's going on in my dd's head. dd is 7. as she grows older i know less adn less about what is going on in her head. we talk and she tells me - but she is no longer an open book she was when she was younger. because of that i am able to keep 'me' away from her comments and just listen to what she said.

my dd is a v. intense child too. the high needs high energy child. problem is she is smart and mature too. so she is always the odd one out. and she suffers socially because of it. and so sometimes she is deeply frustrated and has even told me 'she feels like punching me and hitting me till i bleed' because she is so angry. i dont mind words like that because she needs an outlet and i was honored she directed her frustrations at me.

[Bokonon]

I have a 4.5yo and can't imagine him saying anything like that. If he did, especially with statements like what you are describing, I'd probably look into therapy to figure out what was going on with him. I am on another message board with moms of kids my son's age, and we're all very close, and none of them (about 75 moms) have ever said that their kids had outbursts like that. I don't think that's normal, I'm sorry to say.