wow, this got really long by the time i was done getting it all out...TIA if you can stick with it!
I have two kiddos. i was not married to the father of dc1, but i was married to dc2's father. we are now divorced. here are the two different scenarios, tell me your thoughts on what i should do about child support.
ds1 is just now 15yo. from birth to about age 1, his dad gave me about $50/wk, missing a payment here and there. when ds1 was about 1 or 1 1/2, the welfare laws changed and i was given a court date with the dept of revenue, child support enforcement. according to the guidleines, ex had an obligation of $30/wk. NTS, he left the courtroom very smug. he would do extras here and there, clothes, toys and such, but those things always stayed at this place. ds1 was never really allowed to take them home at the end of the weekend. (oh yeah, our visitiation schedule is the standard EOW, one weekday dinner visit, a few weeks in the summer, and EO holiday. we didnt start overnights til ds was about 3yo due to my attachemnt parenting choices, he self-weaned at 24 mos, etc...). when ds1 was about 7 or 8, i got an upward mod to $77/wk plus insurance. that sucked for me, bc up til then, i had no medical expenses due to medicaid, but i figured it was a fair trade bc my weekly amt had more than doubled. 3 yrs after that, i put in another motion for mod, but was denied.
its def. time to go again. ds is now out of kids size clothes, and eats like a rabid beast. he is also driving, and while he's learning, my fuel costs have increased. when he is 16 later this yr, my ins. will go up, plus he will be getting his own car, which he inherited from my father after his passing. of course, all those expenses will be mine. since ds legally doesnt live w/his dad, ex's ins rates wont automatically go up. i also am confident that he will not offer to pay for registering and titling an out of state car, even for his own child. he's just like that. 
a few months back, ex and i were talking about his job. he is not happy there and wishes to find a position elsewhere. he gave me his reasons, which i wont get into now, but i understood them and told him i wouldnt do another upward mod bc i supported his reasons for wanting to leave his present company. basically, i told him i would wait and see what happened. i hear from him all the time how broke he is, but he and his wife (whom i really like!) have been to europe maybe 3 times in their 6 yrs of marriage, plus they've taken ds on two other out of country trips besides. about a yr ago, ex bought himself a new truck (used, but only a few yrs old). he told me he wouldnt be paying for ds1's braces until he was done paying off the new truck, but by then ds will be an adult! also, he recently got ds a cell phone, after we decided together that ds did need one and wouldnt be allowed to have one for at least another year, til he had his drivers license and was going out sans parents on a regular basis.
ex and i get along very well, considering our history. we chat amicably enough when he comes for ds (he NEVER misses a visit!
) for the heavy stuff, i email him, and he consistantly passive-aggresively pretends not to see the emails. but he's overall a good guy. he's even taken my ds2 a few times when exdh failed to show for a visit, just to keep his son's lil bro from feeling sad and left out.
anyway, i want to tell him that i changed my mind about not asking for a modification. when i told him i wouldnt, ds1 was still wearing kids clothes. i had no idea how much more expensive it would be to have to shop in the mens dept! ds is able to wear alot of his dads old clothes, but he isnt fully outfitted from that. plus, his appetite had gotten enormous, and my food bill is astronomical. i dont qualify for food stamps, so its all out fo pocket. i've had to stop feeding my self super low carb, so i've gained weight and some of my health issues are flaring up quite badly. in this case, wwyd?
now for ds2...he is 7.5 yo. exdh left us when i was pg, though we didnt actually get divorced for another 6 yrs. when ds2 was a week old we went to the dept of revenue office and he stipulated to $55/wk. about a yr later, he got a huge promotion and was probably the first man int he history of our local office to be the one to make a req for an upward mod. (we went to the office to see if the would do it by stip, but they were so confused that HE was the one wanting the amt to be raised, that they refused and made us go to court! LOL) the amount then went up to just over $100/wk. exdh is not the most mature person on the face of the earth, and there have been a few periods when he did not pay at all. he takes ds2 for the standard schedule, with a few exceptions. he misses alot of visits. last yr he got remarried toa woman with 4 kids. she cant afford them, doesnt get CS from their various fathers, and now they have another one together. if she needs him for whatever reason to do something for one of her kids, exdh will shorten or even cancel a visit w/ds2. i almost wish he would do a TPR, but i really dont think that would be emotionally healthy for my ds, plus i need his CS. back in december, he lost his job after being hospitalized for his up-to-that-point-undiagnosed-but-suspected-schizophrenia. he is now unfit to work per his psych, and is applying for SSD. i havent gotten a dime in over a month, plus he owes me 50% of certain of ds2's medical bills, and 100% of others, per our mediated divorce agreement. i had chewed over doing a motion for contempt to ask for his tax return to be garnished. by the time he gets it, he will owe me about $3000. i just found out from his wife that exdh's g'mother loaned him a ton of $ that he is supposed to pay back from....thats right: his tax return! so do i go to court and screw a wonderful 92 yo lady out of her hard earned pension $? plus, if i go to court, am i likely to lose my over $100 amt due to exdh not being able to work for an indefinite amt of time?
and here's the real kicker...last yr my dad died unexpectedly and i received a huge windfall i didnt even know existed. i had been fighting against fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue to hold a great job with a great company, but i was starting to wear out and make use of my paid sick leave here and there just to take the kids to school and go home to sleep. having an increase in my food bill caused me to eat wrong for my health needs, so as i gained weight and my blood sugar wasnt staying stable, i was getting closer to the point where i would have to take a LOA from work, and maybe lose my job altogether.
the $ from my dad was a bittersweet blessing, but i decided to go ahead and leave my company on good terms and give myself a yr or two to rest up and take better care of myself. i had even decided to spend a yr working with a volunteer program that wouldnt exhaust me like my job had, just so i wouldnt be sitting around feeling entirely useless. losing ds2's CS is really going to kill me financially. with it, i am good for a 2 yr break. w/out it, i will still stay home, but i will have a lot less in savings after its all said and done.
so...wwyd? would you consider rethinking your promise not to ask for a mod w/ds1's amt? is it wiser to ask for a garnishment of exdh's tax return, or should i just lay low for a bit, let the amt he owes me pile up, and wait and see if he can go back to work? if i go to court now, will his med issues get him a reduction of his obligation, and maybe a complete forgiveness of the amt he is currently behind on?
thanks for your input!
I have two kiddos. i was not married to the father of dc1, but i was married to dc2's father. we are now divorced. here are the two different scenarios, tell me your thoughts on what i should do about child support.
ds1 is just now 15yo. from birth to about age 1, his dad gave me about $50/wk, missing a payment here and there. when ds1 was about 1 or 1 1/2, the welfare laws changed and i was given a court date with the dept of revenue, child support enforcement. according to the guidleines, ex had an obligation of $30/wk. NTS, he left the courtroom very smug. he would do extras here and there, clothes, toys and such, but those things always stayed at this place. ds1 was never really allowed to take them home at the end of the weekend. (oh yeah, our visitiation schedule is the standard EOW, one weekday dinner visit, a few weeks in the summer, and EO holiday. we didnt start overnights til ds was about 3yo due to my attachemnt parenting choices, he self-weaned at 24 mos, etc...). when ds1 was about 7 or 8, i got an upward mod to $77/wk plus insurance. that sucked for me, bc up til then, i had no medical expenses due to medicaid, but i figured it was a fair trade bc my weekly amt had more than doubled. 3 yrs after that, i put in another motion for mod, but was denied.
its def. time to go again. ds is now out of kids size clothes, and eats like a rabid beast. he is also driving, and while he's learning, my fuel costs have increased. when he is 16 later this yr, my ins. will go up, plus he will be getting his own car, which he inherited from my father after his passing. of course, all those expenses will be mine. since ds legally doesnt live w/his dad, ex's ins rates wont automatically go up. i also am confident that he will not offer to pay for registering and titling an out of state car, even for his own child. he's just like that. a few months back, ex and i were talking about his job. he is not happy there and wishes to find a position elsewhere. he gave me his reasons, which i wont get into now, but i understood them and told him i wouldnt do another upward mod bc i supported his reasons for wanting to leave his present company. basically, i told him i would wait and see what happened. i hear from him all the time how broke he is, but he and his wife (whom i really like!) have been to europe maybe 3 times in their 6 yrs of marriage, plus they've taken ds on two other out of country trips besides. about a yr ago, ex bought himself a new truck (used, but only a few yrs old). he told me he wouldnt be paying for ds1's braces until he was done paying off the new truck, but by then ds will be an adult! also, he recently got ds a cell phone, after we decided together that ds did need one and wouldnt be allowed to have one for at least another year, til he had his drivers license and was going out sans parents on a regular basis.
ex and i get along very well, considering our history. we chat amicably enough when he comes for ds (he NEVER misses a visit!
) for the heavy stuff, i email him, and he consistantly passive-aggresively pretends not to see the emails. but he's overall a good guy. he's even taken my ds2 a few times when exdh failed to show for a visit, just to keep his son's lil bro from feeling sad and left out.anyway, i want to tell him that i changed my mind about not asking for a modification. when i told him i wouldnt, ds1 was still wearing kids clothes. i had no idea how much more expensive it would be to have to shop in the mens dept! ds is able to wear alot of his dads old clothes, but he isnt fully outfitted from that. plus, his appetite had gotten enormous, and my food bill is astronomical. i dont qualify for food stamps, so its all out fo pocket. i've had to stop feeding my self super low carb, so i've gained weight and some of my health issues are flaring up quite badly. in this case, wwyd?
now for ds2...he is 7.5 yo. exdh left us when i was pg, though we didnt actually get divorced for another 6 yrs. when ds2 was a week old we went to the dept of revenue office and he stipulated to $55/wk. about a yr later, he got a huge promotion and was probably the first man int he history of our local office to be the one to make a req for an upward mod. (we went to the office to see if the would do it by stip, but they were so confused that HE was the one wanting the amt to be raised, that they refused and made us go to court! LOL) the amount then went up to just over $100/wk. exdh is not the most mature person on the face of the earth, and there have been a few periods when he did not pay at all. he takes ds2 for the standard schedule, with a few exceptions. he misses alot of visits. last yr he got remarried toa woman with 4 kids. she cant afford them, doesnt get CS from their various fathers, and now they have another one together. if she needs him for whatever reason to do something for one of her kids, exdh will shorten or even cancel a visit w/ds2. i almost wish he would do a TPR, but i really dont think that would be emotionally healthy for my ds, plus i need his CS. back in december, he lost his job after being hospitalized for his up-to-that-point-undiagnosed-but-suspected-schizophrenia. he is now unfit to work per his psych, and is applying for SSD. i havent gotten a dime in over a month, plus he owes me 50% of certain of ds2's medical bills, and 100% of others, per our mediated divorce agreement. i had chewed over doing a motion for contempt to ask for his tax return to be garnished. by the time he gets it, he will owe me about $3000. i just found out from his wife that exdh's g'mother loaned him a ton of $ that he is supposed to pay back from....thats right: his tax return! so do i go to court and screw a wonderful 92 yo lady out of her hard earned pension $? plus, if i go to court, am i likely to lose my over $100 amt due to exdh not being able to work for an indefinite amt of time?
and here's the real kicker...last yr my dad died unexpectedly and i received a huge windfall i didnt even know existed. i had been fighting against fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue to hold a great job with a great company, but i was starting to wear out and make use of my paid sick leave here and there just to take the kids to school and go home to sleep. having an increase in my food bill caused me to eat wrong for my health needs, so as i gained weight and my blood sugar wasnt staying stable, i was getting closer to the point where i would have to take a LOA from work, and maybe lose my job altogether.
the $ from my dad was a bittersweet blessing, but i decided to go ahead and leave my company on good terms and give myself a yr or two to rest up and take better care of myself. i had even decided to spend a yr working with a volunteer program that wouldnt exhaust me like my job had, just so i wouldnt be sitting around feeling entirely useless. losing ds2's CS is really going to kill me financially. with it, i am good for a 2 yr break. w/out it, i will still stay home, but i will have a lot less in savings after its all said and done.so...wwyd? would you consider rethinking your promise not to ask for a mod w/ds1's amt? is it wiser to ask for a garnishment of exdh's tax return, or should i just lay low for a bit, let the amt he owes me pile up, and wait and see if he can go back to work? if i go to court now, will his med issues get him a reduction of his obligation, and maybe a complete forgiveness of the amt he is currently behind on?
thanks for your input!
