Meeting Family Expectations - Page 2

[EFmom]

Personally, I consider my priority to meet my family's (dh and the kids) needs.

The grandparents might want to see the kids at particular times, but I don't see that as a "need." And I wouldn't knock myself out or stress out my kids to do it.

I would get dh to tell them that the visiting schedule right now doesn't work for you and needs to change. They might not be interested in "resolving" the issue, but if you don't invite them and don't accept constant invitations, they'll figure it out eventually.

[Bellabaz]

Sorry, if it was me, I would pick one sunday for ils and one for my fam. Have brunch on a sunday and hang out a bit then everyone out for afternoon nap or something. Your family unit needs priority.

[DeerMother]

We do family time at my parents early Sunday morning. That is dh's sleep in day so he only goes if it is a special occasion. Likewise, when his family wants to visit, I use that as errand/chore time. Then when extended family time is over, we can concentrate on our core family w/o him wanting to nap or me needing to get something done. I wouldn't say that dh or I have a strained relationship w/ ils, but neither of us are dying to spend every weekend w/ the other's family.

Having said that, I totally agree that dh needs to get 100% on board or else it is just you being the jerk. (you're not really but that's how ils may perceive it) I have said some things to ils when they doubted our (my) parenting beliefs, there comes a time when you have to look out for your family's best interests and not concern yourself with how someone else feels.

[SunshineJ]

Originally Posted by BubbisMama

I suggested to DH seeing them every other week. DH is very much a people pleaser and his response to that was- they won't be happy with that, wouldn't you want to see (DS) every weekend?

This right here is your "in" if you will with your DH. Wouldn't you want to see DH every weekend? You reply YES I would! And I would love for him to have Daddy time every weekend as well, but a lot of that is being taken away by the weekly visits with grandparents. DS needs more time with his dad and you need more time with your DH. Emphasize how great it is that his parents love your child so much, but point out that this results not only is less time together as a family, but that it effectively only gives you 1 day off a week and it's just too much.

How about this idea. See if you can arrange for them to come down every other weekend (at most), and then maybe once a month you and your DH can go out to dinner and a movie and have the in-laws watch your son? I will say this, if you don't address it now, it will be this way forever. Good luck with this one!

[mamadelbosque]

I really don't have much advice, but big hugs and understanding. My mom had it pretty set that *EVERY* sunday she came down and *spent the night* at our house and hung out pretty much all day sunday AND monday. She's been in Hawaii/Colorado for the past month basicly and so hasn't seen us (YAY!!), but I'm honestly dreading the restarting of this. I just don't know how to tell her its too freaking much. It started out being just one night a week, and that wasn't bad... but then she started spending the night when the weather was bad, and it evolved into every time spending the night... Every other weekend I could probably put up with. But *every* sunday/monday is just too much for me & DH. We don't get along and its just not fun. But I really don't know how to tell her that w/o her getting upset - shes very emotional & manipulative - ie she starts crying when she doesn't get her way... which makes talking/reasoning with her about anything hard, and in many ways just not worth it (especially since she knows she can call and complain to my brother and/or my dad and then *I* get an earfull about 'being nice to mom' :eyeroll.