I am feeling totally torn and at my wit's end. My 6YO DD has started regressing. She has always been an intense child, very sensitive, and with mild (although they felt major to me!) sensory issues.
But lately she has become very attached to a stuffed dragon in worrying ways, she is worrying often about all kinds of things, and she is really having trouble controlling herself. Here's an example:
We have an evening routine that starts with the girls picking up toys for a few minutes. Then they have a bath and bedtime snack. Dinner had been late that evening and she didn't want to pick up at all. I made it clear several times that the consequences for that were just going to bed. This was not a surprise - it is the normal way our family works. After about a dozen reminders of that, I finally said that it was bedtime and she completely fell apart. She was out of control. She was screaming and crying and flailing around. When she goes off the deep end like that, I've found it's just best to get her into bed and get her to sleep. So I picked her up and she fought me. I tried to get her in her pj's and she fought me. I just let her go. I left her alone while I got her sister ready but that did not decrease things in intensity. She started screaming, "I wish I wasn't in this family. I wish Lila (her sister) wasn't here. I wish I was only in Inthethenthe's (stuffed dragon) family." When it was clear that things weren't calming down, I picked her up and carried her to her room. She clawed my face and tried to run out of the room so I sat in front of the door, saying things like, "You're out of control, baby. It must be scary to feel so out of control. You are so upset." She started throwing herself at me and the door - hard enough that she was bruised the next day. At one point she yelled, "It's not scary! It's furious!!" I finally picked her up and laid in bed basically restraining her until she stopped crying and fell asleep. Then my poor 4YO DD said, "why does sissy not want me to be her sister anymore?"
They have always gotten along super well. But this has become more regular. Older DD doesn't want to share anything with younger DD anymore. She really doesn't want to share me. She has started showing her aggression in dozens of ways. She will shove us or her sister walking by, she will have her dragon hit us, she will hit us or her sister. We have tried to be gentle and firm both. And I have been giving her as much extra attention as I can manage. She soaks it up and then acts even worse afterwards when it's time to transition to something else. There have been multiple times each day where I end up with two girls on my lap kicking and hitting (especially the older) and hysterical (especially the older) because they want the other one off and me all to themselves.
I cannot identify a turning point when this all started. The closest I can come is that three weeks ago we moved them into their own beds, but they are welcome in ours and both usually end up there by 1AM. That doesn't seem stressful enough to warrant these changes.
Also DH and I have been under a great deal of stress. We are under investigation from CPS on charges that I think will be completely cleared in the next week or two but have nonetheless been very painful and difficult. Also younger DD has chronic lung trouble and is in the hospital often - about every couple of months. That is less than it used to be, but still requires a lot of management. I am not working due to younger DD's issues, and DH just lost half his salary and we are crazy stressed about money. This is the first time I remember not knowing how we will eat next week. But. I feel like we are handling it all pretty well and while I know kids pick up on things, it has been important to us both that the girls (especially DD1) feel a stable, secure, and steady ground beneath them. She tends to really need it.
So. I don't know what to do with her. The fears, the violence, the clinginess, the anger, and out of control hysteria. And it is hurting her sister who is then also a bit more clingy since DD1 has changed so suddenly.
Thanks if you have read this far and thanks even more if you have any advice.
But lately she has become very attached to a stuffed dragon in worrying ways, she is worrying often about all kinds of things, and she is really having trouble controlling herself. Here's an example:
We have an evening routine that starts with the girls picking up toys for a few minutes. Then they have a bath and bedtime snack. Dinner had been late that evening and she didn't want to pick up at all. I made it clear several times that the consequences for that were just going to bed. This was not a surprise - it is the normal way our family works. After about a dozen reminders of that, I finally said that it was bedtime and she completely fell apart. She was out of control. She was screaming and crying and flailing around. When she goes off the deep end like that, I've found it's just best to get her into bed and get her to sleep. So I picked her up and she fought me. I tried to get her in her pj's and she fought me. I just let her go. I left her alone while I got her sister ready but that did not decrease things in intensity. She started screaming, "I wish I wasn't in this family. I wish Lila (her sister) wasn't here. I wish I was only in Inthethenthe's (stuffed dragon) family." When it was clear that things weren't calming down, I picked her up and carried her to her room. She clawed my face and tried to run out of the room so I sat in front of the door, saying things like, "You're out of control, baby. It must be scary to feel so out of control. You are so upset." She started throwing herself at me and the door - hard enough that she was bruised the next day. At one point she yelled, "It's not scary! It's furious!!" I finally picked her up and laid in bed basically restraining her until she stopped crying and fell asleep. Then my poor 4YO DD said, "why does sissy not want me to be her sister anymore?"
They have always gotten along super well. But this has become more regular. Older DD doesn't want to share anything with younger DD anymore. She really doesn't want to share me. She has started showing her aggression in dozens of ways. She will shove us or her sister walking by, she will have her dragon hit us, she will hit us or her sister. We have tried to be gentle and firm both. And I have been giving her as much extra attention as I can manage. She soaks it up and then acts even worse afterwards when it's time to transition to something else. There have been multiple times each day where I end up with two girls on my lap kicking and hitting (especially the older) and hysterical (especially the older) because they want the other one off and me all to themselves.
I cannot identify a turning point when this all started. The closest I can come is that three weeks ago we moved them into their own beds, but they are welcome in ours and both usually end up there by 1AM. That doesn't seem stressful enough to warrant these changes.
Also DH and I have been under a great deal of stress. We are under investigation from CPS on charges that I think will be completely cleared in the next week or two but have nonetheless been very painful and difficult. Also younger DD has chronic lung trouble and is in the hospital often - about every couple of months. That is less than it used to be, but still requires a lot of management. I am not working due to younger DD's issues, and DH just lost half his salary and we are crazy stressed about money. This is the first time I remember not knowing how we will eat next week. But. I feel like we are handling it all pretty well and while I know kids pick up on things, it has been important to us both that the girls (especially DD1) feel a stable, secure, and steady ground beneath them. She tends to really need it.
So. I don't know what to do with her. The fears, the violence, the clinginess, the anger, and out of control hysteria. And it is hurting her sister who is then also a bit more clingy since DD1 has changed so suddenly.
Thanks if you have read this far and thanks even more if you have any advice.
