Help Tandem Nursing

[SGDavis]

I was so excited about Tandem Nursing, my DS and DD, read the book, got lots of info from LLL group, read everything I could get my hands on. Believed that the negative outcomes for some moms would never happen to me cuz I love Breast Feeding sooooo much. Felt in my heart, TN would be a heavenly experience, since nursing had been so wonderful.

Present,
DD 16m, DS 3y. Started having discomfort with DS's teeth and tickleing about 12 months ago. Used support in LLL, positive thinking, praying, changing positions & latch, etc. In the end, I have made it this far, yet 99% of the time when my DS nurses I feel very agitated and I don't let him nurse as long as he wants.

I want to nurse until he weans. I want to go the distance. I have no other complaints. I love Breast Feeding. I feel so sad and disappointed that this is my situation. I want a 3rd child but feel sad cuz I don't want to tandem nurse the 3rd. But I am 39 and don't have time on my side. I am bummed out. I thought my love for nursing would overcome any issues.
I feel guilty, that my choice to have children close together has effected my DS's nursing relationship with me. He was 20m when DD was born. Would I have had these issues if he was a single nurser?

Even if your story is not similar to mine, any information, communication helps me. I have made it 12 months so far. He shows no signs of weaning. I don't want him to wean, WHAT I WANT is to feel like I use to feel when his sucking and latch did not bother me at all. My goal is to let him wean when he is ready!

Questions for all you extended nursers.
Are there some of you that have never had discomfort (teeth, strong suck) or annoying tickleing issues with your older nurser (tandem or single)?
For those that have had issues, what were they and did you overcome them or not.

I posted before under "PLEASE HELP!! Extended Nursers my 3yr old DS is causing pain and discomfort"
but no responses. Hoping a revised thread will help get any response. I need support!!

[sarahn4639]

I tandemed for about 20 months and weaned my DD when she turned 4. She wasn't ready and still talks about missing nursing and it makes me sad/guilty, but it's what I needed at that point. Nursing is a relationship and at some point the mom and the child become equal partners in that relationship.

I had the feelings you describe during pregnancy and had a hard time getting through the pregnancy still nursing. It got better after DS was born, but I did have it off and on thereafter. Is it constant for you? Do things like counting down help at all? I would let DD nurse for a few minutes and when it started really bothering me I'd tell her we needed to be done and counted to 10 and she knew that's when she needed to stop. I would usually count pretty slow to give her time to accept it and it helped me a lot to have a stopping point. We had to work on her latch several different times in toddlerhood and I always had to remind her to open wide and stick out her tongue.

I wish I had a good answer for you and I hope you get one. I just wanted you to know you weren't alone in really wanting to tandem and having problems with it. I hope someone has a new suggestion for you!

[prothyraia]

I have a three year old and an 18 month old; they're 20 months apart. I haven't really 'enjoyed' nursing my oldest since midway through my second pregnancy. With a few rare exceptions, I just get antsy and uncomfortable. It doesn't hurt, I just would really rather not being doing it at that moment.

Right now I'm willing to let him continue to nurse until he wants to stop, although if we have another child in the next few years I will do mama-led weaning because I'm not willing to nurse through another pregnancy. So barring a major "oops", I forsee the two of them weaning at the same time. (I highly doubt he'll give up something that his brother is involved in, hah)

What has worked for us so far is for me to respect my own feelings. If I really want to not nurse right then, we don't nurse. He rarely nurses for more than 5-10 minutes at a time (5 minutes is a good long session) because beyond that I start to crawl out of my skin. He doesn't nurse to sleep, or at night. The poor kid has had a million restrictions and limits surrounding nursing since he was a little over a year old. BUT...with all that going on... I'm able to happily continue making nursing available to him when he needs it or when I'm in a space where I'm happy to do it. He's a very stubborn and intense child, and I suspect in his case limiting nursing may well be prolonging his interest in it.

I've noticed that his nursing bothers me least when my breasts are most full, and if they're fairly empty it drives me absolutely bonkers. Other than that, I haven't been able to find anything to make it more tolerable. Wish I had better advice, but there's my story at least!

[SGDavis]

Aaaaaahhhh, anything I hear from other mommas makes me immediately feel better and supported!! I appreciate your responses.
I thought tandem nursing was the next natural step towards the growth of my family. I feel like nature, body, has let me down. I question myself about my choices. I'm still in shock over the change.
But.....I do not regret anything, getting pregnant the 2nd time early, nursing through pregnancy, supporting both children to nurse. I just need to know other's experiences to help with the emotions and keep going until he weans or I get to a point that the best thing for the family, is to wean him, uuugggg.
Please keep posting, even if you have experienced no issues and why you think you do not. I need to hear it.

[mommy amber]

I am tandem nursing my 3.75 yo dd and my 1 yo ds.
nursing became a huge issue during my pregnancy with ds.
I would get sooooo agitated, I would feel like throwing dd off of me
I was sure it would go away once ds was born and we would be in tn bliss...unfortunately, that's not the way things worked out.
that being said, I have managed to keep up the tn for the past year.
Limits are the only thing that helps me through. And we started with them during the pg b/c of aversion difficulty.
We started out with limits like, "you can nurse until the end of this song/book/etc".
During ds's early months when I felt completely overwhelmed and frustrated, we introduced the idea of weaning with dd. we decided we could try giving up all nursing except one session, which she chose as her night-time going-to-bed session.
she still asked a lot for awhile, but I would gently remind her of our agreement. we still dance back and forth sometimes...we went through a big move recently and I let her nurse more often during the day. when she's sick, she nurses more often. when we go through a particularly rough patch of sibling rivalry, I've found a extra nurse here or there helps. and there are days when she no longer asks for even her night-time nana's...so.
it still bugs me like crazy when she latches on and sucks (even ds's nursing is beginning to irritate me) but I tell myself, it's not that often and usually it's for 1 minute and it gets me through...
it's really hard! and I think it's even harder when it is so different from our expectations...
I falter many many days wondering if the choices I made were the right ones...the timing of my pg, the decision to tn at all, clw...all of it, but I just have to believe I'm doing the best I can...and remind dd of this when she feels cheated out of more nursing and give her plenty of extra cuddle time instead...
hang in there, you're doing a great job!

[mommy amber]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

I've noticed that his nursing bothers me least when my breasts are most full, and if they're fairly empty it drives me absolutely bonkers. Other than that, I haven't been able to find anything to make it more tolerable. Wish I had better advice, but there's my story at least!

and yes to this.
it is an absolute for me to make sure she nurses on a full breast...I cannot tolerate it when I'm empty.