My daughter drew something I find disturbing

[lyn1998]

I'm just wondering if I'm overeacting. She's somewhat anxious and worries alot so I bought her a notebook to use as a journal yesterday. Last night we sat down together at the table and I explained to her to just draw a picture about her day, can be good or bad. Something she did, or felt, etc. What she ended up drawing was a picture of a joke her and her two best friends (girls) made up at lunch. One of the friends lives on a farm and has pigs. So she said at lunchtime they joked about shooting the pigs with what they thought were fake/toy guns, but when they fired them they were actually real and shot the pigs. The pigs started bleeding and the blood was squirting out and they had umbrellas to shield them from the blood. They were dressed up as cowgirls and had smiles on their faces. I was really shocked and didn't know what to say to her. I told her that I felt sorry for the pigs but she said it wasn't real. And that they didn't mean to do it because they thought the guns were fake. And that it was a joke.

When I gave her the journal I told her to draw whatever she wanted about her day but didn't expect this. I was afraid to scold her (or criticize) for her drawing because I wanted her to feel comfortable about expressing herself in her journal. But I actually want to cut the page out of her journal because I'm upset by it and feel like it's a horrible first entry. I'm ashamed she would think this is funny.

She's never been violent in any way. Has never drawn stuff like this before. Like I said just the mention of somebody getting a shot at the doctor's or blood from a scrape has always freaked her out. My only thought is maybe her friends started/made up the joke and she just went along with it. And with her being squirmish about blood and stuff that this was her way to get it off her chest? I don't know.

Just wanted to add that my daughter is 6 and in first grade.

[Thalia the Muse]

Kids often find humor in things that are taboo or inappropriate -- so do most adults! Laughing at something is a way to defuse uncomfortable feelings. And violence is a HUGE taboo, especially for kids -- a lot of fear and attraction and shame all mixed up tend to surround it.

That "joke" doesn't sound at all out of the ordinary for her age to me. My daughter would totally do that, and she LOVES animals and donated some of her Christmas money to the Humane Society because she was so upset by the idea of animal abuse.

I think if you want her to be able to express herself in her journal, it should probably be private so she can let out negative emotions without worrying about upsetting you or earning your disapproval. A journal isn't usually a public document, precisely because having someone else read it is inhibiting.

[sapphire_chan]

Could she have seen a news story or something about the importance of keeping guns locked up because kids might play with them thinking they're toy guns?

And a big to Thalia's suggestion. If she can't express things that you disapprove of, she's not going to be able to work through them.

[lyn1998]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

Kids often find humor in things that are taboo or inappropriate -- so do most adults! Laughing at something is a way to defuse uncomfortable feelings. And violence is a HUGE taboo, especially for kids -- a lot of fear and attraction and shame all mixed up tend to surround it.

That "joke" doesn't sound at all out of the ordinary for her age to me. My daughter would totally do that, and she LOVES animals and donated some of her Christmas money to the Humane Society because she was so upset by the idea of animal abuse.

I think if you want her to be able to express herself in her journal, it should probably be private so she can let out negative emotions without worrying about upsetting you or earning your disapproval. A journal isn't usually a public document, precisely because having someone else read it is inhibiting.

You're right, I will let her do it privately. Thank you for your post.

[lyn1998]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Could she have seen a news story or something about the importance of keeping guns locked up because kids might play with them thinking they're toy guns?

And a big to Thalia's suggestion. If she can't express things that you disapprove of, she's not going to be able to work through them.

That's the confusing part for me. She's pretty sheltered, I'm strict about what she can and cannot watch. I don't even allow Spongebob.

[Alyantavid]

I think it sounds pretty age appropriate. Kids that age are just starting to get death and the impact a gun has and alot of times they need to play, draw it out to help them understand. And if your kid's in school, they won't be nearly as sheltered as you think they are at home. I constantly floored by the movies my son's friends talk about (they're 7 btw). These aren't movies we'd let our kids watch until they're at least teens, even older maybe.

I agree with pp's about it being private. If she shows you, that's one thing, but I wouldn't be looking without permission.

[MommytoB]

Yeah , my son whose 5 had a realzation of death at 4 1/2 before he was 5 when my gpa passed on and his papa hunts so he would be pretend finger shooting . He even pretended finger shooting the cat !

It's like a 'weird way how they express it' but if they did end up being actual cruel then they should get that reported.

[amcal]

Originally Posted by lyn1998

That's the confusing part for me. She's pretty sheltered, I'm strict about what she can and cannot watch. I don't even allow Spongebob.

It doesn't matter how sheltered your kids are. Mine are too (we don't allow spongebob either ) But, once your children step foot outside your home, they are bombarded with information. Signs on the street, news breaks on the radio, they hear people talk at the grocery store or post office, kids talk at school, magazine covers in doctors offices etc....

You can't protect them from all outside influences. In fact, just this morning my daughter was talking to me about how we could turn our scrap metal into quick cash. Huh??? Turns out she read a sign on a building on the way to school.

Anyway, my point is they are going to hear things, see things etc... that are going to trigger imagination, they'll be trying to process things they don't completely understand, they'll interpret things incorrectly etc.... it's just part of life.

[staceychev]

I also wonder if it's a story that her two friends brought up at lunch and it made her feel a certain way, and her sharing it with you is her way of saying "Mom, is this OK?"

[One_Girl]

Kids talk and joke about all kinds of gruesome things when they get together. My dd is also very sheltered and I limit what she can watch and she still jokes about strange and inappropriate things when she hears other kids doing the same thing at school. When we visited my mom for Christmas she pretended she was feeding her little dolls to the zoo animals (she included sound effects) and she laughed when I asked her what she was doing. The only way to stop the influences from the outside world is to stop letting them go out, but that gets really lonely.

[Surfacing]

[Thalia the Muse]

I don't think it's just influences from the outside world, either. Most of us have violent or aggressive impulses -- we don't have to learn them from someone else. A toddler who has never been hit or seen anyone else hit will still haul off and smack you when she's frustrated.

Does anyone else remember dead-baby jokes? Those regularly made the rounds at my elementary school.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

I don't think it's just influences from the outside world, either. Most of us have violent or aggressive impulses -- we don't have to learn them from someone else. A toddler who has never been hit or seen anyone else hit will still haul off and smack you when she's frustrated.

Does anyone else remember dead-baby jokes? Those regularly made the rounds at my elementary school.

I remember the "momma had a baby and the head popped off" this we used to do with dandilions.

I pretty much agree with everyone that this is all normal for children, even adults, without being a warning sign of anything more troublesome. Joking is how we process things and one of the ways we learn how to deal with thoughts or feelings that are more primal. It's a normal part of development and likely an important one too.

I also agree with letting her keep the journal private, even from you. You can let her know that if she wants to show you something in there, she can and she won't get in trouble for what is in there and you will only look at what she shows you. DD has trusted DH and I with a few of her entries when the subject was something she was having trouble working through or it scared her.

[Marsupialmom]

I think it is normal. There is a lot of new ideas she is going to explore.

You will also come to see things about sex and human body parts. Don't be surprise.

You might be bothered by some of her thoughts and ideas, but don't show your disapproval.

Deaths, guns, and violence are part of the world. She has heard conversations. Seen news. She has to work through it.