How to make other children not feel bad? - Page 2

[ktmeyer]

keep an eye out for things they enjoy or are good at that are not the norm. For instance, my sister was a softball star, and on every other team, and a cheerleader, and in student government, etc. I wasn't into any of that. My parents were very proud of my academic achievements, which outshined my sisters. (oddly, I was never jealous of her accomplishments or the time they spent with her, but she is and was jealous of my acadmeic abilities). However, what I realized as I matured was that there are SOOO many other paths. I am REALLY good at making a campfire. I love the outdoors. I also am a really good cook. These are things that my parents would never have thought to encourage. My son is not great at traditional sports, but LOVES to fish, and so we got him fishing equipment, magazines, etc. My dad was a commercial fisherman when I was young, so he took him to cool spots to fish. We have recently moved, and fishing is less of an option, so now he is in to skakeboarding. I don't know that he is great at it, but he loves it,so we really support it. Stuff like that. Think outside the box. Think social skills that are really great, or cooking, or communing with nature, or fishing, or canoing, or an eye for color and design.

[Dandelionkid]

We always got compared to my older dd in school, not at home. I was really proud of her and never felt resentful. I think it helped that my parents didn't favor her over me in the growing up years. I felt just as valued. I think you are doing fine if you can attach value to the kids for who they are, not what they do.

[Girlprof]

You've already gotten a lot of good advice here. Since you are more worried about the outside world, I think I would have some stock phrases ready for when other people say "Oh, MiddleChild is such an amazing musician" or whatever.

Our oldest is also pretty darn talented. Seems to be athletic, is playing the violin well after a couple of months and barely any practice, spoke in full sentences at 18 months, etc. Our daughter is more average in what she does so far - she is only two so it's largely verbal and physical development. But, one of her words is "Thank you" which she uses appropriately much more readily than her 6 year old brother. She seems to know what the "family project" is (getting out the door, getting ready for dinner, whatever) whereas her brother is often a bit in his own world.

No one expects our kids to be doing the same thing but if and when it comes up (oh, DD is taking a lot longer to do XYX than DS did....) - I plan to say something like: yes, they each have their strengths. DD is much more polite and aware of other people's feelings. DD is more relaxed and able to roll with the punches.

In the stock response and at other times as well I would make every effort to stop comparison. I find this hard to do myself, but I am working on it.