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What no one ever told you about the post-partum period... - Page 2

post #21 of 63
This sounds like me almost to a "T"

Originally Posted by Comtessa View Post
My experience was the opposite - nobody told me it's actually possible to lose ALL your baby belly at birth, and nobody I know ever did it, so I brought maternity clothes to the hospital to wear home and they practically fell off!!!

Sorry, I probably shouldn't admit that...

Other things nobody ever told me:
  • you'll really really want to DTD at 3 weeks. Do it then 'cause afterwards you won't have any interest for another six months!
  • you'll be thirsty all.the.time. Haul a bucket of water with you everywhere you go. Do not sit down to nurse, EVER, without a glass of water at your elbow.
  • corollary to above: you'll be hungry all.the.time. Buy stock in granola bars and frozen enchiladas, they'll save your butt for the first couple of weeks.
  • PP bleeding is a LOT of blood. A lot more than a period. And lasts much longer.
post #22 of 63
That even if you have a wonderful, amazing, home waterbirth like you've dreamed of, it's ok to not have that OMG I LOVE MY BABY feeling right away. I said hello, passed baby to DH and went to have a shower. Spent 10 min in the shower in total shock about what I just did. That an actual baby just came out and I felt sorry for my body. Then I spent the next 6 weeks feeling so guilty that I didn't nurse immediately when I could have, didn't do extended skin to skin after birth, didn't feel that OMG feeling, ect. Then I talked to other moms with similiar experiences and I felt a lot better.

The after pains after baby #2. Whoa, didn't even know what afterpains were. I thought I was having some sort of life and death complication.

The tears of love, joy, fear, gratitude, everything.

I echo the feeling that a PP mentioned about the "bubble". Friends would call and talk about what they were up to, what so and so did/said and all I could think was, "shut up! I just pushed a baby out of my vagina!! Do you not understand?! Who cares that your boyfriend didn't text you back...I gave LIFE to another HUMAN!!"
post #23 of 63
Originally Posted by Comtessa View Post
  • you'll really really want to DTD at 3 weeks. Do it then 'cause afterwards you won't have any interest for another six months!
What is DTD?
post #24 of 63
No one told me the GOOD stuff. Like, every time I would look at DH or DD my eyes would tear up and my knees get all wiggly...better than a highschool crush. I was on cloud nine for days.

No one told me DTD might NOT hurt. I waited 3 long weeks b/c of the horror stories and warnings. Now I wonder if we could have tried earlier.

Well, one thing in particular was not "good" perse. From watching youtube videos and reading birth stories, I saw this common theme in homebirths where the mama would push her kid out, smile for the camera and then get up, walk around, eat, take a shower, etc.

Um, yeah....ha! DH had to hold DD so I could "fall over" from my squatting position after I pushed her out. I couldn't even walk. All three of us climbed in bed and slept for almost 24hrs straight...
post #25 of 63
That some of it feels like menopause with night sweats, hiot/cold flashes.
That you have to pee a LOT in the first few days to get rid of all the extra fluids from pregnancy and all the water you have been drinking due to being so thirsty.
That much as you love your older kids, sometimes you just feel really irritated with them when they are whining for attention and taking away your time/attention from the newborn.
That afterpains are worse with each one.
That if the nurse/midwife/anyone offers ibuprofen for the afterpains, TAKE it, don't worry about how it affects baby (they are okay), it will help you function.
That sleep is a precious commodity you take when you can get it.
post #26 of 63
I was so hungry and thirsty, especially after baby #1 (long labor, lots of water weight falling off).

After #1, DTD wasn't remotely non-painful until at least 6 months postpartum. Those women that do it at 3 weeks? Total superwomen. Which I expected to be. But, it didn't happen. Number 2 was MUCH better, and at 8 weeks, it was comfortable. I'm not sure what was going on with #1, but it was rough.

The hormones!! I totally didn't expect to feel so crazy. So many ups and downs, mood swings, crying, feeling upset over nothing, feeling like I hated everyone, then upset cause they weren't visiting me. LOL. It was a nutty time. But, it's better to be prepared for it.
post #27 of 63
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Evie's Mama View Post
I felt like I had a bowling ball sitting in my vagina for a few days after the birth...she came out in an odd way though, so that may have been part of it.

To take the offer for a stool softener after the birth. That first pp poop is a bear.
I forgot about this! I took the softeners at the hospital but it was still several days before that first PP poop came along. It felt like going through labor all over again, because you're kind of pushing from the same spot. I remember hanging on to the toilet and yelling, "Whoa, whoa, WHOA!". I was fine, but it was just such an intense physical memory of the birth.
post #28 of 63
Thread Starter 
Another thing I forgot: it may be hard to pee immediately afterwards, even though you may really want to.

Some advice I got here which worked:

Have peppermint essential oil with you at the birth. When you go to pee the first time, put a few drops of oil into the toilet water. Drink some orange juice, and then sit on the toilet and let the vapors from the oil help your muscles relax.

The first time I tried this it didn't work (that was the time I almost fainted), but I tried again a little later and it really helped.
post #29 of 63
Originally Posted by cloudgazer View Post
What is DTD?
"do the deed"
post #30 of 63
Many of these suggestions ring true for me.

I really wish someone had told me about PP constipation, and suggested stool softener - I waited too long to start taking them, and that first PP poop was seriously traumatic. I'm just now feeling like I'm getting back to normal, 11 weeks PP.

I also wish I was more prepared for the immediate pain and discomfort in the weeks after birth. I had no idea it would be so rough, that it would be hard to get around for the first week, that sitting would hurt, that peeing would be so painful - thank goodness for the peri bottle! I came through an unmedicated birth pretty well, because I had an idea of what to expect - but I felt totally unprepared for the PP recovery.

And breastfeeding - I wish someone had told me that it can be really difficult at time, it may not be intuitive, and it can hurt! I was dedicated to breastfeeding, and I guess I thought it would develop naturally - and for me, that wasn't the case. It has gotten so much better, but I struggled at first, and I couldn't help but feel incompetent. The standard line from LCs and other professionals seems to be, "breastfeeding doesn't hurt, and if it does hurt, you're doing something wrong." Well, for me, it just hurt for a few weeks. I did seek help and we addressed some things, but for goodness sakes - you're using a sensitive part of your body in a completely new way, and you're not a failure if it hurts for a bit!

And the emotions - I guess I knew that was coming, but I was relatively stable throughout my pregnancy, and the feeling of crying uncontrollably at the smallest provocation was new to me. Just the overwhelming-ness (not a word, but whatever) of everything caught me off guard.
post #31 of 63
The gush of hormones making me teenager insane. Gushing and lovey dovey and crying omg i love you to anyone nearby. Like no you don't understand! I LOOOVE love you! I'm sure hubby felt like a stud lol.

sad when i realized i would just be talking to my fat and there was no one to talk to in my tummy (baby wasn't near me after birth).

No one said my bottomhole would move to my lower back That scared the crud out of me! I guess I was THAT swollen.

Taking it easy is NOT a recommendation and no matter how much energy you have (you get this burst of insane nesting energy) you need to ignore it and stay laying down. I went and finished painting the babies room and that was the last thing I did for several days. I was in SO much pain I couldn't even wriggle in bed without screaming. So stay in bed, do not pass go.

Riding in the car HURTS. You are so swollen. I had way too much energy and rode all over town prior to getting my butt handed to me and staying in bed. I had to buy paint after all. I'm color blind to a degree and I couldn't get the room the right color. :rollseyes
post #32 of 63
1. breastfeeding and sleep deprivation might hurt a lot more than labor

2. its wonderful to have family members around to help, but its your house and your baby, so set limits on how much you'll let them push you around in exchange for their help

3. lactation consultants are wonderful...have the numbers of a few local ones on hand
post #33 of 63
You might love your little newborn in the way that, you just gave birth to the person and you should love them. I wasn't head over heels for my DD until she was probably 6 months old or so...I felt love for her, but it wasn't intense and it wasn't anything like I thought it would be. I love her totally now, but it's still not that big huge love I expected to feel.

The first time I peed after giving birth it was almost as bad as labor itself. I hadn't drank much water during/after labor, and it burned SO BAD. I was crying on the toilet trying not to pee. Seriously, drink as much water as you possibly can to dilute the acidity of your urine. This is seriously one of the only thing that scares me about having baby #2.

I felt like a crazed hormonal teenager 2 days post partum. I wanted to DTD ALL.THE.TIME. We made it to 3 1/2 weeks, and haven't kept our hands of off each other since.

No one told me that post partum sex might be WAY better than the pre-baby stuff. It was a lot like losing my virginity again, and it felt like the only things that got stretched out were the good parts
post #34 of 63
Even without any tearing, peeing was excruciating unless I sat in a bath tub of water. Sitz bath didn't cut it either, because I was in a different position. I had to sit in the tub with my legs out in front of me. I also coudln't pee at all immediately after the birth. I was googling for tips for hours trying everything! (didn't have peppermint oil so i couldn't try that) My midwife had to come back over and give me a foley, and 1600cc came out I kept it in for a day.
post #35 of 63
Originally Posted by 4JMJ View Post
"do the deed"
Ahh, thanks.

Not to be snarky, but this is kind of abbreviation to the extreme & is confusing to newcomers like myself. I mean SEX has the same # of letters. (or is that word taboo?)
post #36 of 63
Nobody told me:

* breastfeeding would be worse than labor and more agonizing - but totally worth every second
* that my c-section meant that for the next 3+ mo, I would be wearing granny panties (I hate those things!)
* afterpains! Nobody even mentions those!
* sex after a c-section SUCKS. Most positions do nothing but remind you of your scar, and you're so horribly tight and dry.... yuck. We didn't have comfortable sex for months.
* post-c-section, you feel like your insides are going to fall out every time you move. I had a towel wrapped around my belly just to move from the bed to a chair.
* your scar is EXACTLY where baby likes kicking while they nurse.
* PPD might not show up for months, so keep watch!

That's kinda a sad list.... I'm trying to come up with a positive to my postpartum period with DS, but there's not much.

I'm excited to actually get to hold my baby after my HBAC this time! And take a shower after giving birth! What a luxury!
post #37 of 63
I wish someone would have told me it would feel like my guts were going to fall out. I got up and walked around about an hour after labor and I thought my entire stomach area was going to drop off the front of my body.
post #38 of 63
That natural birth can leave you feeling as tho you'd been hit by a semi-trailer truck! It was six - eight weeks before I could move w/o pain after having my first daughter. Most of it was muscle pain in my upper body!
post #39 of 63

Hindsight is 20/20

I agree with a lot of other posts - So much useless advice: our daughter was only a few weeks old and we were "spoiling" her because we held her so much. I wish that someone had told me that my in-laws didn't think that a mother had any special importance in a child's life, I think the cultural differences were the hardest because they did a 180 as soon as Isa was born. I couldn't get them out of the house and when they were here, it was as if I wasn't allowed to hold my daughter. Having never experienced this before and not liking conflict, it took me a long time to find my voice. My husband, having grown up in this environment, found nothing wrong with this and it was a constant battle, to the point that I almost left him when our daughter was 2 months old. But we stuck it out and he is now very compassionate and wonderful partner and father. I don't know what changed but I wish I could have had a few days to bond with my daughter and get to know her before the swarm of people came and tried to (what felt like) take her from me. I have never felt more alone, disrespected and taken advantage of then at that time, and it was from people who were supposed to be supportive and caring. I don't know that I'll have another child if the experience might be the same as it was. I am grateful for the present, the health of my daughter and for our current situation and continue to process through the trauma. Though I can celebrate now, I feel like one of the greatest, most important experiences in my life was stolen from me.
post #40 of 63
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