"I hate everyone in this house...

[Storm Bride]

...including myself."

...just get out."

...and I want you all to get killed."

...especially you/dh/ds1/dd1/dd2."

...and you all hate me, too."


So, yeah...I don't know what's up with my ds2, but it's really, really emotionally exhausting, for him and everyone around him. He gets so worked up about this, and it's at least twice a day, sometimes more.

[Kirsten]

My dd1 and dd3 went through a phase of this when they were 4ish for my dd1 and 5/6ish for my dd3. Definitely not every day but now and then when they had really strong emotions about something.

I remember my dd1 being mad at me for not letting her do/have something (no idea what now - about ten years ago - but I do remember her response). She started with "you hate me!" and went on to "you want me to die!" finally to graduate (when she wasn't getting me to respond how she wanted) "you want my head to smash in a door!" Where do you even come up with that? She was the firstborn and watched no violent tv ever.

Dd3's response is more "you hate me; everyone in this family hates me!" as she storms off to the privacy of her bedroom. This is always when she doesn't get her own way, and worlds worse when she is tired or hungry.

Twice a day every day is a lot though. How long has he been doing that? Are you feeling like he just doesn't know how to handle his frustration/anger/disappoinment or do you feel like it is something really problematic that he needs help with?

There are some REALLY great choose the ending books on how to deal with frustration! They are picture books, paperback. One of the educational websites sells them... I will look in dd3's bookcase and come back.

[Storm Bride]

I'm not really sure how long it's been going on. DS2 is very challenging, and there are a ton of factors involved, imoi. His brain doesn't seem to work the way most people's brains work (and I can't really describe it better than that...he's just a bit...odd). He's also been caught in a fairly stressful home for a few years. Things are better, now that dd2 is here (yes - having a newborn/small baby is less stressful), but still not back to "normal". I think he's just got a lot of built up frustration and unmet needs, and I'm just not figuring out how to deal with him. He frustrates me tremendously, and I don't have hte enrgy to cope with it well, so we feed each other into this unhappy, frustrated, somewhat hostile mental state.

I've been working extra hard today on keeping calm and being compassionate, and it's going well. I hope I can maintain it. Today's "things" were in the take-off-all-my-clothes-at-the-playground and drop-my-socks-in-the-sand school of behavioural stuff. Those are a lot easier to cope with than the punch-my-sister-in-the-face, run-into-the-parking-lot and throw-rocks-at-the-tv stuff, yk?

[Kirsten]

Whoa - that sounds really tough. I am sorry. A really wise and wonderful woman I know once told me (when dd1 and I were REALLY on each other's nerves and I could barely stand to be at home) that when they act the worst is when they need you the most. But it is SO hard to be around them more when they are like that! I hope things settle down for you soon. Hopefully the reduced stress will help; it did at our house.

[Fuamami]

I have conflicts with my four year old a lot, too. We have similar personalities, and so he drives me extra crazy. I just take the good times as I can. I still think floor time is very helpful, but sometimes he's so pouty and pissed off he won't play with me. I try not to get upset about this, but just figure out things we can bond over. It's hard when he's so resistant, though. Is there anything he really loves that you can do with him?

[philomom]

I remind myself daily that the kids who are hardest to love often need our love the most.

Hang in there.

[Kuba'sMama]

My son said things like that all the time when he was about that age "I hate you... I never liked you", "I wish I was never born", etc.
You said he is "odd". My son has sensory processing disorder and that age seemed to be the peak of his symptoms too (growing out of babyhood, starting school, etc). Of course I don't know enough to say that's what your son has, but your situation just sounds like ours 2 years ago, and in our case it was SPD.

[Storm Bride]

SPD comes up a lot when I'm talking about ds2. I obviously need to do more research into this. We've reached a point where I spend so much time dealing with his various behavioural "things" that I don't have much time and energy left over...for finding positive ways to deal with him, or for properly parenting his siblings. I can feel us all (dh, me, ds1 and dd1) slipping into a mental space where he'll be the family scapegoat, and I wouldn't wish that role on a dog, yk?

And, the thing is...he's simultaneously an incredibly sweet, cuddly, loving little boy.

[Kuba'sMama]

http://www.sensory-processing-disord...checklist.html

that's the site that helped me find out what was wrong with my son. scroll down a bit for the checklist. My son fit pretty much every single one.

good luck... pm me if you have some questions.