would you use a middle name you really disliked?

[snoopy5386]

We are having DD #2 and having a hard time coming up with a middle name. It is important to us for the middle name to be after an important person in our lives. DH's mom is named Ruth, her mom was named Ruth, his paternal grandmother was named June but everyone called her Ruth. So the name Ruth seems like a really obvious choice right? Except I really don't like the name, at all. Would you still use it? We're still undecided on a first name, but Sydney or Alexis are the current front runners.

[dmpmercury]

It was really important to my husband to use his Grandfather's name for our son's middle name. We do family middle names. His name is Edwin and I don't like the name at all but I am ok with it as his middle name.

[DeChRi]

Well I have two sides on this. One, both my girls have important family middle names, neither of which I like. I find, years later, that I totally don't regret using the names. It means a lot to the family, the girls don't mind them, and I find them pretty cool now.

And, my middle name is Ruth. My Grandmother was Ruth and my aunt is Ruth. I don't love the name. But I do love that I have part of those family members in my name.

We will be naming this upcoming baby with a first name we love, and a middle name of Amanda, which I realllllly dont like, but it is someone in the family that I feel strongly we should name after.

Just my 2 cents.

[klocke]

Yes and I am actually. We are going to be having our third boy and my DH has suggested his name every time. My problem is that my DH is the third so the baby would be the forth and it gets confusing enough at family gatherings because all three men go by the same name. So we picked a different first name and we are going to use my Dh's first name as the baby's middle name. We did something similar with our last son as well. My DH wanted to name him after his great grandfather who had passed away. Well his grandfather was named Fort and I had a hard time with that as the first name. But since our first son's middle name is after my grandfather I felt it was only fair. We went ahead and used Fort as a middle name and it has actually grown on me. I think middle names are kinda trivial so I'm willing to compromise on them.

[MacKinnon]

I would be OK with a meaningful middle name that I disliked. Especially if it is just a dislike of the name, no negative ties with someone, etc. nothing that will nag you when you have to scold your child with their full name, LOL! We have given our children meaningful middle names and will with our next. It's been important to us as well, and I would be willing to compromise on a name I didn't care for, for the sake of the family tie.

[Plummeting]

Yes, I would and am going to for this baby. The funny thing is that if it's a girl, we'll be using the exact same middle name, Ruth. It means friend and companion, so it's a nice name in that respect. For me, it's got special meaning since my grandmother is going to pass before the baby is born and it's her name. I don't like it, but it is so special to me that that trumps my dislike of the name.

[xixstar]

dd2 has a middle name that I don't like... it was a compromise on her name within 24 hours of her being born because we still hadn't agreed on a name and dh refused to send out an announcement without a name and wanted it out that day. I got the first name and he got the middle name.

it doesn't really bother me that I don't like her middle name, but I don't really ever think of her as anything other than her first name. Instead, it's just a place holder on her official documents and I don't think it'll ever be all that relevant to her because I don't ever see myself yelling our her full name to get her attention either.

[philomom]

As long as you don't actually hate it... I say let it stand. If you really hate it, hubby must be okay with you tossing it out.

[thefreckledmama]

I think the middle name spot is a great place for names that might be important or well loved by one parent, but the other parent is less than crazy about it. With our youngest, my husband LOVED Helen, but I just couldn't get excited about it, when he suggested it for a middle name, I thought it was a great compromise.

[Plummeting]

Originally Posted by philomom

If you really hate it, hubby must be okay with you tossing it out.

See, I don't know about that. I think it depends on how important it is to him. We're in the reverse situation - my husband really hates it, but nope, I'm NOT okay with him tossing it out. It's too important to me, so he has to deal with it. I am willing to compromise on the first name, so that maybe he gets something he loves and I get something I only like in order to make up for it, but I absolutely WILL use that name, since it has a lot of meaning to me under the circumstances. Not only that, but I think he would be a jerk to insist that I be "okay" with him tossing it out. If her DH doesn't really care all that much, that's one thing, but if it's really important to him she should deal with it. It's only a middle name anyway. I'm guessing by the fact that she's asking that it probably isn't that important, but if it is I think the fact that it's just a middle name makes it perfectly reasonable.

[lunarlady]

I think middle names are all about flow. So you might not like Ruth as a stand alone name, but Sydney Ruth sounds lovely to me, and Alexis Ruth also has a certian balance to it as Alexis seems more modern and Ruth more traditional. So in my mind, you don't have to like the middle name as a stand alone name, but more as a postscript to a name you love. (Hope that makes sense!)

[MaerynPearl]

DF wants our little boy (if its a boy... I think it is though lol) to be Alexander Alan.

To me thats an awful lot of As... but its his dads middle name and my brothers middle name... so I go with it.

We also have Jean for if this is a girl... though my DDs middle name is already jean... as is mine, two of my aunts, both of my grandmothers, their mothers, etc.etc.etc.... but its also his mothers middle name. So we are using it again.

[RedOakMomma]

You may not like it, but don't worry that you're giving your child an ugly name. It's really a very beautiful name, and one I'm sure she'll appreciate.

My middle name is a family name, and I'm glad to have it.

[BabyWang2010]

If it's a boy I will be using Josef (the way my cousin spelled it) as a middle name, because my cousin who was like an older brother to me, passed away on July 3rd 2009 in a fatal car crash. He was only 28 years old. Otherwise I would have never thought to use the name Josef. Josef is also the name of one of my BF's good friend's name.

If u don't like Ruth why not use a version of it like Ruthie which is a little more modern or u could have two middle names.

[snoopy5386]

thanks everyone - it is not my DH pushing it, in fact I have not even brought it up to him at all, it is all me thinking of it. We have another family name - Aubrey - it was his great grandfather or something, but it doesn't go with either Sydney or Alexis (it does go with some other names on his list). Thing is I love, love, love his mom and would love to honor her and his grandmom too, they are/were wonderful women. The only other name I've got going for Sydney/Alexis is my own - Nicole, so it would be Alexis Nicole or Sydney Nicole. My side of the family is all either crazy weird names - Esmeralda, Fanny, etc or names that just don't go with Sydney/Alexis. It is sort of growing on me....

[finn'smama]

Fwiw, I think Sydney Ruth is a lovely name.

And I would have no problem with using a less desirable name for a middle name. For me, it is a spot to honour important people in our lives.

[october]

This is a really interesting thread to me.. My husband and I had agreed upon the first and middle name but today he confessed that he's still been wanting to use his mom's name as our daughter's middle name. My problem is that not only do I not like her name, I REALLY don't like who she is all that much. She is very manipulative and belittling, and she has really made it clear that I've married a saint so I better be good enough. We just don't have a good dynamic. I would feel very sad if I had to name her an unattractive middle name of a woman I would never want her to resemble.

Can anyone tell me if this is understandable or not? I love my husband and want him to be happy, but this is really hard for me to talk about with him -- he doesn't even know I feel that way about his mom because I don't want to create a divide, and he is also quite blind about her and believes she is a saint. Like Mother Theresa.

:/

[BabyWang2010]

Originally Posted by october

This is a really interesting thread to me.. My husband and I had agreed upon the first and middle name but today he confessed that he's still been wanting to use his mom's name as our daughter's middle name. My problem is that not only do I not like her name, I REALLY don't like who she is all that much. She is very manipulative and belittling, and she has really made it clear that I've married a saint so I better be good enough. We just don't have a good dynamic. I would feel very sad if I had to name her an unattractive middle name of a woman I would never want her to resemble.

Can anyone tell me if this is understandable or not? I love my husband and want him to be happy, but this is really hard for me to talk about with him -- he doesn't even know I feel that way about his mom because I don't want to create a divide, and he is also quite blind about her and believes she is a saint. Like Mother Theresa.

Well I think it's kinda selfish for him to want to name it after his mom considering that you have a mom too. What makes him feel that HIS mom is so much more special than YOUR mom that the baby should be named after her. Even if you don't want to name your child after your mom it's all about principal, kwim? Also I think your feelings about his mom are going to come up sooner than later so you might as well get it off your chest now. That's just my 2 cents though. I couldn't stand my ex- MIL either. My boyfriend's mom and future grandmother of my child is wonderful though but her name is Ming which I'm not at all crazy about so I doubt I'll name my children that, lol. Luckily my boyfriend likes American names so he wouldn't suggest his mom's name anyway.

:/[/QUOTE]

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by october

I would feel very sad if I had to name her an unattractive middle name of a woman I would never want her to resemble.

This is why I am going with DFs mothers middle name even though its the same as mine and the daughter I already have...

while I DO like DFs mother, a lot... she has the same name as my step mother whom I would rather never even think of.

[folkgirl]

Yes, I would use a middle name I didn't love. I have a lot of naming hang-ups, but that isn't one of them. If we had a boy his middle name would probably be Kenneth. I really don't like the name on its own, AND have known several Kens that I really didn't like. But it's my late FIL's name AND my husband's late grandfather's name, and I think it would be a nice gesture to name our son after two men who were so important to my husband. The baby I'm currently pregnant with is a girl and the middle name is one that I am not nuts about, but have no strong feelings against. It was a name my husband came up with and it made him more comfortable with using the first name I picked.