Facebook account for a 9 year old?

[KalamazooMom]

My DD has been asking for a Facebook account. She has a number of friends who have accounts already. She has had an e-mail account for a couple years. Anyone else have an FB account for their kids? Do you use their real names? What are the important privacy settings?

[Hey Mama!]

Interested to know because my 8.5 year old has been asking for one too. I know she'd enjoy the games but it just seems like such a grown-up thing to have, kwim?

[mamazee]

One of my nieces has one and she's that age. Her reasoning was that she wanted to share info and keep up with both parents, who are divorced, every day. Which sounded reasonable so they let her. I think she mainly likes the games, though. I personally like her having a Facebook account so I can see what she's up to. I think Facebook actually requires you to be 13 or 14 though. If you were going to let her, I think you'd want to make her a friend of yours, keep up with her profile and make sure you recognize all her friends, and keep her computer in a public place. Also, go to the privacy settings and make sure everything is only visible to friends.

[sunnmama]

Facebook's minimum age (as per terms of service) is 13, I believe.

I do think facebook is too adult for my 9 yo. I let her play some games on my acct, without leaving the game (no independently exploring my page, or my friend's pages).

My own page has everything on the tightest privacy settings ("friends only", no google search, etc). I would insist on that much. But, I am also facebook friends with my 11 yo niece and see her page. She and her friends use the apps, take the quizzes, join the groups, and post on each other's pages, and a lot of it is very "grown up" imo! Even if you are her facebook friends and can see her page, consider that you probably won't be able to see her friend's pages (she will), and they might not be as well monitered. Just food for thought.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Is there an age minimum on facebook? I would follow the rules if there is.

I would not do it because dh gets friend requests from people who are obviously soliciting something. I never have. I think it's safer than myspace, but I wouldn't do it.

[karne]

My child is older, but frankly, this is one we're staying away from right now. First, the age limit is 13. Secondly, while I know that many kids her age are texting, e-mailing, f'booking, or using myspace, We really want to keep interactions based in "real life" for as long as possible. It is amazing how much, both positive and negative, goes on without the kids really talking to each other. I have seen this lower the barriers to what kids will say, or talk about with each other, and we personally don't want to go there yet.

ETA to add that I am not against media, and cell phones, texting, etc. have their place for good communication w/parents, and as safety devices. We will be down that road soon ourselves.

[LynnS6]

I wouldn't. It's too adult for a 9 year old, and a I agree that keeping interactions 'in person' for as long as possible is important.

[Tigerchild]

I think it's a bad idea.

Not only are you starting out by violating TOS (which is not something I'd want to encourage, even though most TOS are sloppy at best), but since not even adults seem to be able to resist doing all the quiz/app (virus implantors) things on FB, I wouldn't expect a child to do so. Then you have the ads. Does FB have a parental password parental controls? If not, then it's easy to change things so that she can group-lock entries, participate in chats with non friends, ect.

I wish there were a more secure, real parental controls, kid-oriented site. I think the social aspect of FB is great, so it's not that I object to. I just know that FB is EXTREMELY sloppy on security, they don't care about virus and spy-ware laden apps, ect. As an adult, and someone who's been online for 17 years, and who's learned by experience the various ways you can crash and burn with online security, ect...I understand the risks.

I think though that too few people bother to educate their kids about the risks of the internet beyond "some child molestor might try to chat with you," and "don't give out your real name."

IMO, before your kid logs on to any social media site they need to know not to download anything, how to refuse/hide app requests and updates, never to accept a friends request from someone they don't know, how to defriend/hide someone who is bothering them, to expect that people's behavior online is often very different from face to face and how to deal with it, what cyberbullying looks like and the consequences they will face if you discover they have ever participated in it (a lot of people think that their kids won't ever, but online is even more tempting than in the real world). I think you also need to sit down and have a heart to heart about why really the internet SHOULDN'T be your online journal. Why they should be careful about posting pictures. How they should respond *when* someone sends them an embarassing picture of someone else.

If you've already had those discussions and feel like your kiddo gets it and are willing to keep having those conversations on a regular basis (there's always something in the news, it seems, about sexting or online bullying), then I guess if you feel comfortable with your kid lying about their age to get into an online site then at least they will probably be safer than frankly many adults are online. But if you're uncomfortable discussing porn sites, don't know how to work the technology yourself (you can learn, it's not hard, but you need to learn BEFORE you let your kid go there, IMO), you don't have an excellent antivirus program, and you don't have an idea in your head about what you'll do if your kid cyberbullies someone or participates in some other inappropriate way (I see far too many parents concentrating on what to do if their kid is a victim, which is also important, but I think it also puts some people at risk of going into denial if their kid does something inappropriate)--then it's not time for your 9 year old to go online. Heck, some 13 and 14 year olds shouldn't be online either.

I think though with a kid that young, the question is more about whether the parent is willing to take fully responsibility for the actions that their kid takes online, whether that's downloading viruses, flaming grandma, or gossiping about other friends in a public way behind their back. Adults can barely behave themselves on FB sometimes (as those of us with FB accounts have surely seen!).

I think you just have to figure out if your kid is ready and can understand at least some of the risks, if you are okay with you're letting her sign up for something that she has to lie to get into, and if you are willing to monitor closely.

[Jessy1019]

My daughter wants one, and I've been meaning to set it up for her. I don't think her friends have them, but some of our family does, I do, my mom does, etc. so she'll find plenty of people to talk to on there.

We will use her real name, and probably won't use any special privacy settings. I get the impression she mostly wants to play farmville, which she can do with my mom's friends and some of mine . . . I am NOT into that myself.

Violating the rules doesn't concern me (we break all kinds of rules that we don't agree with . . . who cares?), and I've never had trouble with viruses (and never taken precautions against them). We'll be fine.

Let your DD have some fun with her friends!

[MusicianDad]

For legal reasons the minimum age for a facebook account is 13. Since they have that rule to protect themselves more than anything, I'd be inclined to abide by that. As it is, DD doesn't have a facebook account because DH and I are generally not comfortable with those kinds of sites.

[zeldamomma]

I won't be violating the FB terms of service to set my kids up with an account before its allowed.

My dd wanted to play Farmville, so I let her play on my account. I am not terribly restrictive about media, but getting the privacy stuff "right" on FB is confusing, and its VERY easy to stumble upon sexually explicit content, even in the status updates of some adult who may or may not remember friending a kid.

If you do decide to do it, I would recommend that instead of monitoring a child by being their FB "friend"-- which does nothing, once a kid learns to hide content from you-- I would insist that they share their username and password with you, so that you can login as them and really see what they and their friends are doing on the site.

ZM

[mamazee]

I don't expect I'll let my dd have a Facebook account when she turns 9 in a year, but if I were going to let her have it, I wouldn't expect her password. If I didn't feel I could trust her without having her password, I wouldn't let her have an account. I don't like the dynamic created by assuming kids are untrustworthy.

[Drummer's Wife]

My soon-to-be 9 yo DD has her own email and blog, and I am comfortable with those. Facebook, however, I don't think I'd be okay with it at this point. 13, maybe, but not 9. But that's just me and my kid, I know other people let their kids have FB accounts at a young age and monitor it and/or change the settings so only certain things are visible (ie if they just wanted to play the games, and have a friend's list, but nothing else is accesable). I just don't see the need for my DD, and she hasn't really asked.

[KalamazooMom]

I didn't even know the minimum age was 13. Wow, I know some of my kids friends who are 8 and younger and have accounts. Guess I need to look into that a little more.

[zeldamomma]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I don't expect I'll let my dd have a Facebook account when she turns 9 in a year, but if I were going to let her have it, I wouldn't expect her password. If I didn't feel I could trust her without having her password, I wouldn't let her have an account. I don't like the dynamic created by assuming kids are untrustworthy.

It's not really about not trusting my dd, as thinking she might stumble upon a situation that she's not ready to handle without adult guidance. In addition to the dubious quality of a lot of the facebook apps, there are social situations unique to online communication that kids often mess up. Kids have a lot of trouble understanding what can happen to information they post on social networks, and how little control they have over their information once it's "out there". They also have trouble understanding how a nasty comment, quickly dashed off can hurt someone. If I don't know what's going on, I can't offer guidance. Also, I would hope that knowing that I might find out about it might help my child choose not to participate in something they might later regret.

[CarrieMF]

we allowed my 11yo to get one when she was 10.

I do have her password to it, not because I don't trust her but this way I can check up if I think anything fishy is going on. of course anything can be deleted before I get to it too.

I am FB friends with some of her friends too so I can access their pages. They don't really do anything other than small chats, post pics & play games.

Her account is private, any pictures she knows have to remain as friends only. She is not allowed to have a FB friend who she does not know IRL. She's had her account for about 5months & at the beginning had 2 people request who were not from here(or this country).

[Breathless Wonder]

You might like to read this document. Hopefully, most of the people you know on Facebook who have allowed their children an account have read a similar document, and have taken precautions using the various privacy settings:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/2458/Faceb...ats-to-Privacy

[Althetrainer]

Facebook and young children

I personally wouldn't let my 8-year-old have a Facebook account. He asked for one when he was 6 fortunately the policy said 13 years old so I didn't have to struggle with him on that one. I have my own FB account and I made a dog book for his stuffed dog and he seemed to be happy with it. He knows some of my friends on FB and he can send them messages, after I log in for him, under my supervision.

I heard on the news that the private setting of your FB doesn't always guarantee only friends can see your information and pictures. When my son turns 13 I will let him have an account. Yet I will still monitor his activities to make sure he's not being preyed upon. I may be being too paranoid. My philosophy is that one can never be too careful these days. JMHO

Al

[angelpie545]

My dd is nine and I plan on letting her have her own facebook, as long as I have the password and email. A few of her friends have them, plus tons of extended family that we don't get to see very often. The rule-breaking thing isn't a big deal to me, honestly. Sorry if that might ruffle a few feathers, but facebook really has no way of enforcing that anyway, and there are literally thousands if not millions of children under 13 who own facebook accounts, including at least two of my little cousins. As long as the parents are checking the account regularly along with their children I don't see a problem with it. My dd and I have ongoing conversations about what is and isn't appropriate online, and she knows I would check her account right along with her. If any problems were to arise from it, the account would be deleted permanently.

[Hoopin' Mama]

For those of you who don't care about breaking the terms of service, would you feel any differently if a signature was required? I mean, would you let your child sign their name to a document knowing they were planning on violating the written contract?

Seems like a bad precedent to me.

No, facebook can't really follow up, but a small part of me still likes to believe in the honor system. Corny, I guess, in this day and age.