Anyone else have a child who won't leave the house?

[megan sacha]

DS is almost 3 and for the past 6 months or so he is really hard to get out of the house and it seems to be getting worse. It comes and goes, but lately we can't even get him to go to a park, play in the yard, etc. He's very into building elaborate things with his blocks right now and making snow forts and pretty much wants to do that all day.

DW and I DO have a need to get outside and I think it would be good for DS too. He does get some exercise in the house I think running around and some dancing, but fresh air is a good thing, you know? Or just getting out of the house and doing something different. He usually doesn't want to go to play gyms, play groups, classes, library story hour, etc either and wants to stay within the confines of our home. Sometimes he says he wants to go when we propose something but then once we get ready and everything he says he doesn't want to go. "I'm too busy playing" "It will be too loud" "There will be too many people". I'm glad he likes his home so much but really....

On top of our need to get out of the house, we also would like to get him out of the house sometimes because when he's here all day, the house becomes a disaster from his play and he's not good at helping us pick up yet.

We've been told we should just drag him around against his will but that's not fun if he doesn't want to go because he can choose to make us miserable. He does seem to like running errands sometimes, but not walks, which I desperately need.

Sometimes I feel like this is just not what I signed up for, you know?

[RiverSky]

If he says he doesn't want to go right before you leave, does he usually have a wonderful time once you get to where you are going?

My son has often had trouble transitioning. If he's having fun playing and is right in the middle of it, he truly doesn't feel like stopping, even if we're going to do something amazingly fun that he likes even more. Once we get there, though, he has a blast. I found that giving him more transition time helped. Things like reminding him when there are 30 minutes before we'll leave, then 15 minutes, then 10, then 5. One way would be to bring some of whatever toy he was playing with in the car, to help with the transition. Often, I would make sure he was dressed and ready for whatever our event was at least an hour or two prior to us leaving, if at all possible. A bit of distraction and perhaps giving him some sort of special item or treat just as we were leaving, to get him to forget a teeny bit more about what he was doing, that he doesn't want to leave, sometimes helped.

Good luck!

[Ms. B. Sprout]

My DS is almost 4 and is a HUGE homebody. I take it as a compliment. But there are times (often) when the needs of the family outweigh his need to be at home, so we go do X. I let him call the shots sometimes, too, so that he can understand that I am trying to strike a balance and meet everyone's needs.

DS makes similar comments: "It will be too crazy," "I don't like a big group of kids," etc. And he NEVER wants to go to the grocery store, which is something we have to work with/around.

Good luck finding a balance that everyone can live with!

[Mamabeakley]

DS1 never wants to go and do anything. Well, maybe occasionally. But mostly, no.

I make him anyway. About 3x a week, we have a mandatory walk. If he does it without fighting with me (which has happened, like, once) he gets a small treat when we get back. But I do not tolerate whining, abusive language, or "accidental" falls off his bike. He's allowed one expression of his opinion about this, though. He does actually have a good time once we are out, and last week I heard him explaining this to his dad. It's been like this for about 6 months. I expect it to ease up, soon.

It takes him a long time to accept routines, but he can get there if it's important enough. We fought about going to the bathroom, getting dressed, and eating something before diving into other activities in the morning for AT LEAST 6 months before he more or less accepted it.

One of the most frustrating things about parenting for me is that no matter how really truly laid back and non-demanding I am, DS1 will interpret me as a mean mommy. I mean, morning routine and a walk 3x a week are not really beyond the pale or very strict. On the other hand, *I* know how much harder things could be for DS1 if DH & I had a more rigid parenting style, so I feel confident we are doing okay.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by megan sacha

"It will be too loud" "There will be too many people".

Research Sensory Processing disorder and see if it sounds like a fit. If so, Occupational therapy can be a huge benefit. We've been there, and dd has improved greatly. There are also suppliments, we used flaxseed oil 500mg.. also my dd did 40 HBOT dives. My dd has this, and complains of the same things. Hugs.

[Llyra]

We went through this with DD1, at the same age. She was a bad case of it, too. I never did get to the bottom of exactly what was the reason, but I can say that she's grown out of it and no longer has any social anxiety beyond what you'd call normal, and no longer resists going out when the place we're going is somewhere she enjoys. She is still a bit of a homebody, but not to the same extreme degree.

I wouldn't go too crazy looking at sensory processing issues, etc., until the child is a few months past three and you're still seeing the same issues persist. Or of course if your gut is telling you something is really wrong.

Honestly, sometimes two year old are really really quirky. Strange, even. But they mostly get past it with a little patience. DD1 hit her most quirky-- odd fears, strange hangups and preoccupations, repetitive habits, shyness and social anxiety-- in the few months right before she turned three. By 3 1/2, we were mostly past that, and she's a perfectly normal 5 year old now. I used to think we needed OT, we needed counseling, etc., but it all worked out.