Hmmm I think I would've been seen as "more AP" with my 2nd than I am with my 3rd simply because I wore dd more than ds2. I tried it some with ds2, but he just didn't like it for whatever reason the way dd did. (I wore her past a year I know, but not long past a year because ds2 was born when she was one week away from 22 months)
It would be "smothering" to wear ds2 because he was clearly unhappy with it most of the time. (I think he was too hot.)
I have had to work on the realization that I do not have to be present every second of my children's lives, even the baby's, to be a good mama to them. It is PERFECTLY OK for me to take some time on the weekends when DH is home and take a bubble bath, or screw around on the computer, or read, or watch a TV show alone or whatever. In fact, time to myself helps me be a BETTER mom the rest of the week. (The baby in question loves his daddy and is now 14 months old and loves solids so he's perfectly OK to be with his daddy, play, and have snacks for an hour.) Daddy is *even* perfectly capable of changing diapers, bathing, and putting babe to sleep (if he's done the thing where he's nursed a ton but not gone to sleep)
It would be "smothering" for me to not back off and let them have their own relationship with Daddy.
DS1 is going to kindy next year. He's already reading and writing, but he did attend preschool on an IEP. I have him on the list for a school where I will be required to spend half a day every week in his room. Is this smothering, or helicopter-y? It might be if I didn't have him in a school where ALL the parents do this, so it's normal. It might be if he were in the seventh grade. In Kindergarten, he would probably think it's cool no matter where he was in school. (And at his school, you are not necessarily IN THE ROOM or working WITH YOUR CHILD every minute of the 3-4 hours you're there--you could be in the workroom doing things for the teacher or going around the room helping all the kids or whatever.)
I think it's AP to look at my child and consider his needs and make sure he is in a school that's equipped to meet his needs...so I am going to make sure he is either in this high-parent-involvement school or, if for some reason we are not in there, I want him in one of the class-size-reduced kindergartens. (Some schools in my district have extra funding for this) I just don't think my kid's needs would be met effectively in a classroom with one adult and 25-plus other students.