Hey ya'll, I normally lurk in other forums but am finding that you mamas may be the best resource to go to in this circumstance. It is regarding one of my best friends. I've known her over 10 years, she has a 9wk old, exclusively breastfed baby and her "husband" is taking her to court for custody.
Back story: She has anger issues. She knows that. When she gets REALLY mad, she breaks things. NOT people, things. Her "husband" started telling her (before the babe even turned a month old, mind you, so this has been going on a while) that he was going to leave her and he was going to take the baby from her. She finally snapped when babe was about 6wks and broke a glass coffee table and, subsequently, a glass bowl that was beneath it. Babe was in another room when it happened. She told me about it and I told her she needed to stop it, it was going to get her in trouble, it wasn't a good environment for the babe to be in. She acknowledged it.
This past weekend I got a frantic call from her; the same scenario happened, he told her he was going to leave and take baby from her, she saw red, kicked in the oven door, threw the microwave at the wall. Husband and baby were in another room w/ the door closed. He went next door (to his parents'), talked to some people, came back and told her he called the police and filed a report that she "pushed and clawed" him while he was holding the baby! She loses her mind over that baby and the thought of anything happening to him, she would NEVER jeopardize him bc of her UAV husband. The scratches on his neck were from passionate sex, mind you. She breaks things INSTEAD of putting her hands on people, she has always been that way. Nonetheless, the police came and arrested her on the spot, she was unable to breastfeed for almost 15 hours. When we showed up, she'd already been taken and her husband was there saying "I never wanted her to get arrested, I never wanted them to take her," but didn't do ANYTHING to stop it. Didn't drop the charges, didn't drop the temporary restraining order that was put in place FOR A WEEK (for a breastfeeding infant?!), and the next day he went down to the court and filed for custody, stating the same farce, that she put her hands on him while he was holding the baby, and that he feared for baby's safety in her care.
NOW, let me add that this is a man who has done NOTHING for this child aside from minimal holding, and of course, the process of creating it. Before mama was arrested, he'd never changed a diaper, had given him 2 bottles (mama had to go back to work bc he hoards his money in a private bank account and SOMEONE has to pay the bills), one of which baby was choking on but dad didn't notice bc he was so engrossed in the tv... he rarely held the baby, he has bought/provided NOTHING for the baby, she has the receipts to prove she's paid for EVERYTHING involving the baby, down to his diapers and car seat; she's made all of his dr appts (he got a little sick a couple weeks back so she took him in for a once over), the only reason HE ever took the baby to the doctor is bc the appt was scheduled the day after she was taken to jail and the TRO put in place. He also got the baby vax'ed against her wishes at that appt. Not to spite her, but because he doesn't KNOW, he's done NO research into what is best for this baby.
They've both broken the TRO, they talk regularly, even now. He said he went to the court and got a "visitation order" that says she can breastfeed the baby but nothing else. HOWEVER, she was never served, and he refuses to show her any papers affirming his claim. He ALSO says that because he got her "visitation," that the TRO is extended from 2/2 to 2/11. I believe her court hearing is on the 5th, and I'm sure that's where they'll address his filing for custody. The money that he squirreled away, upwards of at least 7k, is all gone now, spent on a lawyer, mama overheard him talking to his friend about it. she has NO money. I've gotten her the number to legal aid in northern Virginia, told her to hide her receipts, get a copy of his birth certificate and SSC (her FIL has their first one locked in his safe), told her to try to get statements from the nurses at the ped's office verifying she was the one making appts and bringing him in except for this last time, told her to contact her LLL leader (she's been to meetings w/ baby before) to hopefully get a statement from her verifying mother-infant interaction, as well as to ask for resources to get her into child/infant CPR classes, mommy and me classes, and I told her to look into getting enrolled in an anger management class before the judge ordered it, it would look better w/ her taking the initiative herself. Her doctor also said (before all this happened) that she was boarderline PPD and wanted to prescribe her Zoloft.
With all of this, is there ANYTHING you mamas can offer, about the advice I've given, anything I forgot? Normally I would try to get them to work things out, but this guy is being shady and is even taking advantage of my DH's trying to help him work on things. He has a childhood friend who is divorced and has custody of his child, and he basically did the same things that my friends husband is doing to her now. THAT'S who he has in his ear, my friend has NO family around, and no real friends other than me, and I'm moving soon. I want to get her as much help as I can.
The last thing he said to her was "you try to say that you're baby's sole provider, but this whole time I've been spending all my time with him (a whopping four days, and ONLY because there's a TRO in place and she has to watch her back). You won't get him now."
TIA, especially if you made it through this jumbled mess (my apologies)
Back story: She has anger issues. She knows that. When she gets REALLY mad, she breaks things. NOT people, things. Her "husband" started telling her (before the babe even turned a month old, mind you, so this has been going on a while) that he was going to leave her and he was going to take the baby from her. She finally snapped when babe was about 6wks and broke a glass coffee table and, subsequently, a glass bowl that was beneath it. Babe was in another room when it happened. She told me about it and I told her she needed to stop it, it was going to get her in trouble, it wasn't a good environment for the babe to be in. She acknowledged it.
This past weekend I got a frantic call from her; the same scenario happened, he told her he was going to leave and take baby from her, she saw red, kicked in the oven door, threw the microwave at the wall. Husband and baby were in another room w/ the door closed. He went next door (to his parents'), talked to some people, came back and told her he called the police and filed a report that she "pushed and clawed" him while he was holding the baby! She loses her mind over that baby and the thought of anything happening to him, she would NEVER jeopardize him bc of her UAV husband. The scratches on his neck were from passionate sex, mind you. She breaks things INSTEAD of putting her hands on people, she has always been that way. Nonetheless, the police came and arrested her on the spot, she was unable to breastfeed for almost 15 hours. When we showed up, she'd already been taken and her husband was there saying "I never wanted her to get arrested, I never wanted them to take her," but didn't do ANYTHING to stop it. Didn't drop the charges, didn't drop the temporary restraining order that was put in place FOR A WEEK (for a breastfeeding infant?!), and the next day he went down to the court and filed for custody, stating the same farce, that she put her hands on him while he was holding the baby, and that he feared for baby's safety in her care.
NOW, let me add that this is a man who has done NOTHING for this child aside from minimal holding, and of course, the process of creating it. Before mama was arrested, he'd never changed a diaper, had given him 2 bottles (mama had to go back to work bc he hoards his money in a private bank account and SOMEONE has to pay the bills), one of which baby was choking on but dad didn't notice bc he was so engrossed in the tv... he rarely held the baby, he has bought/provided NOTHING for the baby, she has the receipts to prove she's paid for EVERYTHING involving the baby, down to his diapers and car seat; she's made all of his dr appts (he got a little sick a couple weeks back so she took him in for a once over), the only reason HE ever took the baby to the doctor is bc the appt was scheduled the day after she was taken to jail and the TRO put in place. He also got the baby vax'ed against her wishes at that appt. Not to spite her, but because he doesn't KNOW, he's done NO research into what is best for this baby.
They've both broken the TRO, they talk regularly, even now. He said he went to the court and got a "visitation order" that says she can breastfeed the baby but nothing else. HOWEVER, she was never served, and he refuses to show her any papers affirming his claim. He ALSO says that because he got her "visitation," that the TRO is extended from 2/2 to 2/11. I believe her court hearing is on the 5th, and I'm sure that's where they'll address his filing for custody. The money that he squirreled away, upwards of at least 7k, is all gone now, spent on a lawyer, mama overheard him talking to his friend about it. she has NO money. I've gotten her the number to legal aid in northern Virginia, told her to hide her receipts, get a copy of his birth certificate and SSC (her FIL has their first one locked in his safe), told her to try to get statements from the nurses at the ped's office verifying she was the one making appts and bringing him in except for this last time, told her to contact her LLL leader (she's been to meetings w/ baby before) to hopefully get a statement from her verifying mother-infant interaction, as well as to ask for resources to get her into child/infant CPR classes, mommy and me classes, and I told her to look into getting enrolled in an anger management class before the judge ordered it, it would look better w/ her taking the initiative herself. Her doctor also said (before all this happened) that she was boarderline PPD and wanted to prescribe her Zoloft.
With all of this, is there ANYTHING you mamas can offer, about the advice I've given, anything I forgot? Normally I would try to get them to work things out, but this guy is being shady and is even taking advantage of my DH's trying to help him work on things. He has a childhood friend who is divorced and has custody of his child, and he basically did the same things that my friends husband is doing to her now. THAT'S who he has in his ear, my friend has NO family around, and no real friends other than me, and I'm moving soon. I want to get her as much help as I can.
The last thing he said to her was "you try to say that you're baby's sole provider, but this whole time I've been spending all my time with him (a whopping four days, and ONLY because there's a TRO in place and she has to watch her back). You won't get him now."
TIA, especially if you made it through this jumbled mess (my apologies)
