Bonding and Breastfeeding

[remijo]

Do you think bonding is directly related to how smoothly breastfeeding is going? i.e. if there are bf issues like pain or frustration or poor latch that bonding is not as immediate or as strong? Just curious to hear other opinions / experiences.

[zinemama]

I think it can be. It was for me.

The whole first three months was focused on making nursing work. Every time ds nursed, I was anxious about whether he was getting enough, would he have gained anything at the next weight check, what the LC was going to say on her next visit, would he fall asleep after a few suckles, etc. Every single time. Plus, of course, the sleep deprivation.

There was never a time - until I gave up and put him on formula (while continuing to nurse him - for another two years, actually) that I was able to just look down at my nursing child and have those thoughts of peace and love and happiness that Dr. Sears had promised me.

It took me a long time to feel what I considered a "normal" sort of bond with my child, one based on something other than acute anxiety.

I'm sure it's different for everyone, though.

[Mulvah]

I'm 100% convinced I'm not bonding as I would be if I were formula feeding.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Not for us. Nursing was awful, terrible, almost non-existant. I was EPing with low supply, while trying to occasionally nurse through an obscenely painful latch. We eventually got the latch to a level that, while brutal, I could handle. I dealt with that for 6 months - it just finally mostly corrected.

I bonded to my baby instantly. Yes, I would have hard feelings from the moment of latch until the moment of unlatch, but the other 97% of the time it was just true love. She is extremely attached (although now getting to a point were she likes other people too, thank goodness!), and I am just as in love as a mama can be.

My personal opinion is that lactivists/Mothering types unintentionally (intentionally?) promote the idea that breastfeeding is basically the be all, end all of bonding. I think if I had ever bought into that, that not being able to breastfeed, and then not being able to do it correctly, and still not being able to EBF would have really dragged down our relationship. Thankfully I have never bought into the breastfeeding/bonding thing.

[haydn'smommy]

I actually think there is something to it. With my first, bad birth experience, terrible time with bfing led to EPing for months before I got him to breast...I had lots of depression related to the whole experience and it kept me from really bonding to him. I honestly don't think I liked him very much those first few months. Once we got the BFing thing going and I finally came to grips with the fact that I would never exclusively nurse or be able to provide a full supply of breastmilk to him and I finally got medicated for the depression, I was able to develop a deep relationship with him.
That said, I've EBF my second and we have a much much different relationship. I feel much more bonded to him and in touch with him than I ever did with DS1. I don't love him more, but it's a very different kind of love and relationship.

[claddaghmom]

Well I think on a biological level there has to be an interruption. To what degree we might not know and this could vary from person to person. But a lot of that 'bonding' is hormonal you know?

[jessica_s]

I don't think bonding is something you only do in good/happy times. Think of they way people bond under difficult circumstances. So even the difficult nursing relationship there is bonding, it's just nearly impossible to see the forest because of the trees when your in the thick of it.

[nia82]

We had a rocky start and bonded just fine. Granted, one week of SNS and pumping followed by two weeks of pumping and nipple shield is not the end of the world, but straining.