How on earth do I get these kids to bed?

[hmbill]

Can those of you with an older DC and multiples give me some tips for how to get everyone to bed at night? Up until very recently it hasn't really been an issue...I've put the twins to bed one at a time and then DH, older DS and I do the story thing together and then whichever parent he wants to stay sits with him until he goes to sleep while the other tends to babies if they wake up. It was working great, but lately DD has been a pain to put to sleep and has been fighting so much that she's waking up younger DS, which means DH needs to come in to help put him back to sleep leaving older DS to fend for himself for awhile. I already feel badly about how much time he spends alone during the day because I'm here with the three of them by myself...it kills me that he gets stuck by himself when BOTH of his parents are here too! How are two adults supposed to put three kids to bed at the same time?? (BTW, older DS is 3, twins are 5.5 months)

[dknees]

Honestly, I am not much help, but did want to offer (((((hugs)))). We take the path of least resistance here, which means, we co-sleep, we get everyone ready then everyone goes to bed at whatever time, and watch tv or a video until everyone is asleep. Then I creep out of bed and come back down here to do what I need to do to get ready for the next day. Dh is usually on his computer in our bedroom after everyone falls asleep (if he's home, if he's not home that night, I stay upstairs with the kids) to keep an eye on them. Not necessarily ideal, but after a long day, I just do what I can to keep the peace and make sure we all get to sleep in time to get up the following morning.

[hergrace]

When my trips were babies and DS1 was 4, I always made sure that when there were 2 adults in the house, 1 was with DS1 and the other was with the trio unless there was a major crisis. So, I always structured the bedtime routine as if there were one adult and three babies to put to bed. When it was just me in the house, DS1 got screen time.

Reading your post, my first thoughts were: (a) it possible to put DD to sleep first? (b) is there somewhere else that your younger DS can be put to sleep and then be moved after DD is asleep? and (c) is DD overtired or undertired at bedtime and does she need a different bedtime or a different nap schedule?

I hope you find something that works for you soon.

[hmbill]

Thanks so much for the ideas! After I posted, DH and I discussed it and came to the conclusion that the first thing to try is to put DD to bed first. Actually, I think she is already transitioning from 3 naps to 2, so that's probably part of what's going on...if she has the third nap, she's undertired at bedtime and if she doesn't, she's overtired! I hadn't actually thought of putting DS2 in another room until she was asleep...we have a room for them, we just never set it up because we're co-sleeping! I had thought of putting her to bed in their room and then just bringing her to bed when I go to bed...but I felt like I was banishing her or something, so hearing it as a suggestion from someone else makes it a little easier to swallow as a possibility!

In the early days, I did just go to bed with them and DH put DS1 to bed...I think that's how I managed to not go crazy because I was going to bed at 7PM every night! At some point, DD stopped wanting to nurse to sleep in bed (she will in the rocking chair or if I'm standing...guess she needs to move) and then that stopped working. DS2, bless him, is a great sleeper and would just fall asleep holding my hand! We also tried the family bed, getting everyone ready at the same time, but DS1 stopped wanting to sleep in our bed long ago, so unfortunately that didn't work for us. And of course now there's teething, trying desperately to crawl, etc, so she's got a lot going on...I guess, like everything else, I have to keep reminding myself that this is only temporary!

[lexbeach]

The more kids we have (#4 is 7 months old now), the less-elaborate our bedtime routine becomes. For us, the easiest thing is to just have all of our kids go to bed quickly. We don't read books at bedtime anymore (do it before dinner instead), we don't sing songs, we don't even snuggle much (though we are still co-sleeping, so plenty of snuggles happen through the night). Everyone gets in pajamas (our 3-year-old and 6-year-olds do this independently while we dress the baby), everyone gets in bed, everyone gets a kiss.

The baby, of course, requires more attention (he falls asleep either by nursing in bed or by swinging in his baby hammock), but with the older three being so low-maintenance, it's easy-peasy.

If you currently have a more drawn-out bedtime routine with your oldest, you could try gradually cutting it back by moving your usual bedtime rituals to other times of day.

Getting the twins to sleep at the same time is a different issue; we did a variety of things when our twins were babies. Mostly I would nurse one of the babes in bed (his preference), and my wife would push the other in a swing (like a playground swing, hanging from the ceiling in our living room) since that's what he preferred. When they were about 12 months, I started tandem nursing them both to sleep every night, which continued until they were 2. But if I had it to do over, I would not have done that. I would have rather had two people required for bedtime than be the only person able to put the twins to bed.

Lex