he's moving out I'm freaking out(on the inside)

[gnutter]

My son is almost 19-we just got him started in college. He said he likes it. now he is moving out.He is moving in with a friend who is still in high school.Living with his friends parents. He is mad because we told him he could not use the car to go out all night on school nights. We live almost 45 minutes from his school. He has to get up at 6:00 am to get to school. HE was staying out late-like after 1am. Waking us up during the week when we have to get up early anyway. So we had to make it into a rule since he wouldn't show any responsibility or consideration on his own. I told him he could not take the car if he moved out because he can't afford the car insurance or the rapairs that it needs in order to be safe. IT was supposed to into the shop monday-we were having to replace the master cylinder-and we were paying for it. He isn't going to go to school anymore-we just paid $1300 for the semester. The people he is moving in with are insane.They have 6 kids that they can't afford to support. They take things from their kids and sell them when they run out of money. I just know it is going to be bad for my son. He threatens to move out on a weekly basis.I have two younger kids at home to ages 10 and 3 and the emotional toll all of this takes is just to much for me and them. I am just so sad and depressed. At the same time I don't want this to be a revolving door of drama. opinions? suggestions?a

[PoppyMama]

He's 19. I would privately freak the hell out and then go back to him with a hug, wish him well, tell him I hoped he stayed in school but that if he didn't we'd be happy to help him get back to it as soon as he paid back the money for that semester. I would also let him know that our door was open and our home waiting for him to return. He has reached the point where he needs to find his own consequences and impose his own "punishments". I would make him take responsibility but I would be very welcoming at the same time. This is an instance where Love and Logic for Teens might help you process. I hope it turns out ok. BTW- it is your home and you do have the right to make rules but I would consider how you approach them. I would take more the attitude that his rights of freedom stop where others begin. If he's keeping everyone awake with his late nights find a solution for that. If he gets poor grades he needs to pay for his own tuition and books. If he is being destructive to your property he doesn't get to use it. I think that would be more fruitful than imposing discipline on him.