Hi all,
Since dd was born she's been sensitive and shy -- never one of those kids who would bound joyously into the fray in playgrounds or kids' gatherings. She has been at a wonderful Montessori school since she was 4, and I think it's a great environment for her -- a very small, tight-knit community, a focus on social justice, etc.
However, even in this rather "protected" environment she still struggles with finding her place in a group setting. She has friends and is fabulous in one-on-one situations. But she just doesn't seem to have the skills to negotiate her voice or place when there is more than one kid in the room. She is an only child, and has no experience in vying for attention with siblings. I know kids this age are naturally self-involved, and I've tried to tell dd that just because they're not specfically asking her how she feels or what she wants to do, it doesn't mean they are excluding her. But she interprets everything as a snub, and ends up feeling very alone and left out. I've tried to help her develop communication skills, but it's very difficult to get it across. My heart breaks to see her be in such pain. Yesterday afternoon we had her "Cat Club" meeting at our house (she invited a group of girls to get together on a regular basis to do cat-related activities) and she ended up in her bedroom, sobbing, because "they weren't listening to me."
As she gets older, I worry more. I see how kids like her often actually do get picked on, because other kids sense the weakness. After next year we won't be able to afford an independent school tuition, and we're planning to put her into public school -- and I fear that she's going to get completely lost in that particular shuffle.
Do any of you have any advice? Or do you know of any books that are written on this subject?
Many thanks in advance. It's been years and years since I posted a question on these boards, but I remember how helpful everyone was when dd was an infant -- I can't believe it, but I miss those days!!!
Janice T.
Since dd was born she's been sensitive and shy -- never one of those kids who would bound joyously into the fray in playgrounds or kids' gatherings. She has been at a wonderful Montessori school since she was 4, and I think it's a great environment for her -- a very small, tight-knit community, a focus on social justice, etc.
However, even in this rather "protected" environment she still struggles with finding her place in a group setting. She has friends and is fabulous in one-on-one situations. But she just doesn't seem to have the skills to negotiate her voice or place when there is more than one kid in the room. She is an only child, and has no experience in vying for attention with siblings. I know kids this age are naturally self-involved, and I've tried to tell dd that just because they're not specfically asking her how she feels or what she wants to do, it doesn't mean they are excluding her. But she interprets everything as a snub, and ends up feeling very alone and left out. I've tried to help her develop communication skills, but it's very difficult to get it across. My heart breaks to see her be in such pain. Yesterday afternoon we had her "Cat Club" meeting at our house (she invited a group of girls to get together on a regular basis to do cat-related activities) and she ended up in her bedroom, sobbing, because "they weren't listening to me."
As she gets older, I worry more. I see how kids like her often actually do get picked on, because other kids sense the weakness. After next year we won't be able to afford an independent school tuition, and we're planning to put her into public school -- and I fear that she's going to get completely lost in that particular shuffle.
Do any of you have any advice? Or do you know of any books that are written on this subject?
Many thanks in advance. It's been years and years since I posted a question on these boards, but I remember how helpful everyone was when dd was an infant -- I can't believe it, but I miss those days!!!
Janice T.
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