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Mums of Many - It's February already! - Page 4

post #61 of 88
Hooray Kat!!! Hope everything is going smoothly during this transition! Can't wait to hear about him!

Hugs Flapjack. Mothers are always in way over their heads. If they think they aren't, they just don't know it yet.

The chaos and noise is really disappointing sometimes. I find myself freaking out saying "This is NOT why we chose to have all of you, to hear you fighting and whining all the time!" It usually happens while I'm preparing food or at the table, so it's like I'm trapped with them- sometimes I send kids to their rooms during dinner though, just for some peace.
post #62 of 88
peaceful mama that's a LOT to go through

Jenny - i love your words of wisdom; there is a lot of surrender and letting go to be done in mothering. it's so passively active. or actively passive. or both.

Flapjack - I hate outside pressure on top of my own!!!
post #63 of 88
Trying to keep this succinct, because I NEED to be in bed!!

My first two are 14mo apart. When the third came along 24 months after the second, I think I lost it a little! My oldest definitely got 'shafted'. I can look at her now, at almost 7 years old, and still see that baby that got pushed out of the baby spot and that toddler that got pushed to grow up faster for the sake of the two babies in arms. It makes me very sad for her. I try every day to give her extra hugs, but will I ever be able to make up for all that has happened to her? Number 4 (earthside) came 25 months after the third, and that was an adjustment, too. The third wasn't big enough to be a "big girl" and was too big to be a "baby"... it was pretty tough on her, plus number 4 being early, in the NICU 45 minutes away--that was tough on all of us. Now number five (earthside) is due to arrive 24 months (exactly) after no 5. I have my moments of panic nearly every day. I LOVE all my kids. They are not particularly ill-behaved, nor particularly rambunctious or loud... but what kind of adjustment period are we going to have this time? And what's it going to be like when we are using EVERY seat in our van? And what am I going to do about the fact that No 4 refuses to go to sleep without 30-45 min of rocking first?
It's all I can do not to laugh in the faces of people who make those stupid comments--you all know what I'm talking about... the lady at the checkout at the grocery store that says something to the effect of "I don't see how you do it; I can barely keep up with my ONE!" Of course, I have no idea what her situation is like, but I just want to ask "Why? Why can't you keep up with one kid? Why isn't your house immaculate, your child super-nourished with extra snuggles?" Instead, I paste on the smile I use for these situations and just nod.

One day we'll all look back on these days and long for them. I think about that and do my very best to enjoy every single day instead of just surviving it.
post #64 of 88
I "only" have three, and I have gotten "I don't envy you" a few times when I'm out with all of them....it started even when I only had the two but was noticeably pregnant again.

On a good day, I want to go "Why not? I wouldn't have this any other way!"

On a bad day.....well I get it.

Mostly I just keep my mouth shut.

Does anyone else remember the day you went from being the "new mama" to the mama others were looking up to?

I do. It was one day last summer at the park at our old playgroup. (Oh also my entire playgroup and the mama-friends I had, mostly moved away last year. The two who are still around I still talk to but well, they are homeschooling and I am not, so they are super-involved with that and we really barely talk anymore compared to how we used to be.)

It was kind of a shocker for me to realize that *I* was now the "experienced" one...that somebody looked up to me because they had *one* and could barely get out in time to make it to playgroup and here I was with three little kids and managed it.
Probably because I still feel like I don't know much and I'm looking to my friends who have slightly older kids for the answers....
post #65 of 88
i only get out on time when i go on my own - it's a push even then.

i'm still a new mama
post #66 of 88
Originally Posted by dkenagy View Post
It's all I can do not to laugh in the faces of people who make those stupid comments--you all know what I'm talking about... the lady at the checkout at the grocery store that says something to the effect of "I don't see how you do it; I can barely keep up with my ONE!" Of course, I have no idea what her situation is like, but I just want to ask "Why? Why can't you keep up with one kid? Why isn't your house immaculate, your child super-nourished with extra snuggles?" Instead, I paste on the smile I use for these situations and just nod.
Ha! I know, sometimes it's like "Did you hear what you just said to me? Are you insulting yourself?"

Recently a neighbor (with three kids) found out we are having a fifth, and she said/asked "What are you guys doing?" Wow, I didn't know how to respond to that one.

And I also laugh at the people who say "You are the kind of people who should have a big family, that's great, congratulations." You mean the kind of people who yell at their kids and are stressed and get migraines, who work long hours, and who are into having a clean house which is so unattainable with five kids, and who are crazy in debt and living beyond their means??? Then yes, we are perfect. HA!

Don't take me too seriously. I love my kids too. But a big family is a big undertaking, and we are not superheros, just women, and I wish people would find some middle ground between condescension and worship when talking to us!!
post #67 of 88
i'm secretly stalking zjande and flapjack... but also posting because we are ttc our 4th baby and in my head 4 is a handful.. and i really want to be the mama of many..hope its okay that i'm posting here!

Helen: sorry you are having a rough time.

I wonder sometimes why i want more when i feel like my life is kind of insane already. on a normal day things are pretty good.. we get things done, the house tidy and a good meal(s)on the table.. the kids are happy and i go to bed smiling, but there is the odd bad day mixed in for sure. life is simple here though and that makes a huge difference.. i think the addition of one more to our family would make our lives perfect. my partner isn't so sure, but willing to give it a try..his worry is that after 4 i will want another, but im not so sure. i guess we shall see..i think its unlikely.. i love babies and being pregnant though.. *sigh*

im hoping for a Nov 2010 baby!
post #68 of 88
OMG Fern, I'm sooo excited to hear your news! And *I* can't wait to stalk *you* in your next DDC! I'm sad we won't be sharing another DDC. I don't plan on needing another DDC until approximately the summer of 2011.

I too sure love having babies! Piles & piles of babies!!

On the subject of weird/rude comments.... it's kind of surprising to me but I've yet to hear any rude comments at all since moving to Oregon. I sure heard plenty of terribly rude things about large families when I was living in CA, but so far when I mention how many kids I have (we've lived up here 3.5 yrs & have 5 kids), all I ever get are "God bless you!", or "wow, what fun!". I'm really grateful about that. Our families are supportive of our big family, homeschooling ways as well, which I am also eternally grateful for.

mbhf, to answer your question, we drive a Toyota Sienna that seats 8. I love it & have no complaints. It's rated just awesome when it comes to safety.
post #69 of 88
hi bye

BTW; Has anyone heard from Pixie recently?
post #70 of 88
I also drive a toyota sienna 8 seater. I also love it. I do wonder how they will fit when they get to be older. DH thinks the dreaded Suburban is in our future....
post #71 of 88
Hi all! I have not posted in ages. I just found out that we are expecting #6 in October! Yikes! I too am waxing nostalgic about #5 no longer being the baby. He is so sweet and bound to mama that it makes me sad to see him as "big brother" I have to laugh at my tribe's decades: 1989, 1991, 2002, 2005, 2008, and 2010. Hopefully I won't have a babe in 2020! LOL.
post #72 of 88
Congratulations bcafe!!

I started having my babies in 1991. I've birthed in my teens, twenties and thirties. I imagine I'll birth in my 40s at some point as well.
post #73 of 88

Best use of another room?

Ok guys, help me out on this. Right now my ds who is 18 and dn who is 18 each have their own bedroom, and our three LO's share one room, dd age 6, ds age 5 and ds about to be 3. In May ds and dn graduate high school and my sil is finally getting back on her feet after her divorce about three years ago. (currently she and her two youngest live in a tiny two bedroom that belongs to her disabled aunt, so sil sleeps with the aunt, the boys have the other bedroom thats the size of a walk in closet and the aunt has a brother sleeping on the couch, plus dn needed to stay in THIS highschool for a lot of reasons.) Anyway, sil is suppose to be getting her own place by then and dn is moving back in with her (we've had him three years now). So, we are going to have another bedroom, yea!

My first thought was give dd her own room and give the boys a room. Logical, normal, what most people would do right? However, dh and I were talking today and had another thought. Using one room as a bedroom/dressing room, putting all three dressers, the bed etc in there and making the other room into a playroom, just all the toys. There would be SO much more floor space without the bed and dressers in there. No furniture at all, just toys. All three LO's sleep in our room with us anyway, that big queen size bed in there is a big waste of space. Besides, I envision that when they transfer out of our bed, it will likely be all together or at least the two bigger kids together. So we don't need a bed in each room.

Having a toy room would let us get our dining room back, maybe convert it into some home office space or a library like I've been wanting!! Right now, the dinning room is the toy room! Our house has two living areas and the kitchen actuals opens fully to the one in the back (no wall at all) and so though it wasn't meant for it, I put the kitchen table back there, sorta making it half living area/half dining area and I LIKE it that way. The actual dining room does not open to the kitchen, well it does, but through a doorway, not a like the back room, which might as well be one giant room, you can only tell where they divide by where carpet meets linoleum. So since I LIKE the table there, I don't really need the dining room as a dining room.

What do you all think?
post #74 of 88
Hi MamaFern! It's nice to see you around.

Babe is doing well. Sleeping a lot, really likes to be held of course. I'm both dreading Chris returning to work at the end of the month, and looking forward to it so things start moving back to "normal".

I feel good. 2 weeks pp tomorrow and almost good as new. Just chubby, and grumpy about nothing fitting, but that's how it usually is I guess.

So the birth was relatively easy. Another UC, 3 hour labor with pretty easy contractions. No pushing urge though, so once I was dilated it felt like work to get him out. I walked, squatted, lunged, rocked. When he finally started moving down, he was born FAST, entire body all at once with the placenta right behind.

The kids are quite taken with him and things are thankfully relatively peaceful. Hope you all are doing well.

post #75 of 88
Good to hear it was such a good experience, Kat! I think if all you have to complain about is that you are "fat" two weeks postpartum, things must be pretty great

Congratulations bcafe!
post #76 of 88
congrats bcafe - how wonderful

sam - lol to the flying by. it's been a quiet month on the board.
i hope pixie is ok, along with little miss

woohoo kat, go you

anglyn - we've often put more little ones in a bedroom together to have an extra playing (messy/junk ) room and it always worked well
post #77 of 88
We're at the hospital again, but we're most likely going home tomorrow. Little miss cotton ball button is better now, been another tough round though.
Haven't cought up, so I have no idea what's happened here.
post #78 of 88
oh pixie

i hope things go easy on you both for a while now, you must be exhausted
post #79 of 88
it's nearly MARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #80 of 88
Originally Posted by ~bookcase~ View Post
it's nearly MARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot wait to say farewell to February!
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