Ugh. She's always in time-out - Page 2

[BettinaAuSucre]

These ideas are GREAT advice. I have stopped giving time-outs to my 2 yr old b/c she just sits there and plays.

I have been trying the "tell them what they can do" instead of what they can't method and it seems to be working. I am going to try the "you may not..." method as well.

I am excited to hear more options for controling bad behavior other than time-outs.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

We really don't have anything in the way of acceptable structures for her to climb.

A ladder? I set ours up in the living room and put a ball at the top and stand there as my toddler goes up, tosses the ball down, climbs down, gets the ball, waits for me to put it back at the top, then goes up, tosses the ball down...

[figmama]

thanks for all the great ideas! i am struggling over time-outs with my 19 month old. i read "happiest toddler on the block" and they say to start at 1, but it doesn't feel right. my husband wants to do it when he does something that could be dangerous, he thinks he "gets it", but i don't know.

[NellieKatz]

I agree with betsyj...so what if it's winter, so what if it's cold? my guy (6 y.o.) went outside to play SIX times a week or two ago. We live in New England...frigid weather! But he's bundled up, and he hasn't attached a value-judgement-rule to the cold yet, so he's suited up and out the door whenever he has ya-yas that he needs to get out.

[sapphire_chan]

Yep, and if we had a yard and Lina was 6 she'd go out every day, I'm sure. Since we're in an apartment surrounded by a parking lot (literally have to walk on a road to get to the closest yard-like area I could see from inside), she's 17 months, and I have to bundle my chilly self up to go outside--she gets out maybe three times a week. She's fine in a single pair of pants and regular shoes and no gloves. I'm in boots and two pairs of pants and toasty gloves and past ready to go in when she finally decides she's annoyed by the wind.

Ah a yard and a kid who can open the door herself would be so

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

I'd love to let her climb but as to what, I have no real options. We have to wait until its warm to take her to the park and let her play outside. (Oh how I hate living in the Midwest. Its always freakin' cold in the winter) Yargh.

We had a toddler slide in our kitchen when my kids were this age, kind of like this one. And a small mini trampoline. It rains almost daily here in the winter so that even when it's nice out, the playground equipment is often too wet to use. I picked each up for about $10 at a consignment store. I know people who have small climbers in their living rooms.

[Pookietooth]

I think she probably needs more safe places to climb and more places to use her body, and fewer unsafe places made available if she's into climbing. Can't you bundle her up and take her out? If not, can you build an indoor safe climbing thing, such as a pile of pillows? At her age, if you are going to do time outs at all, it's only supposed to be two minutes even by most standards.

[GracieLynn]

She reminds me of Gracie. I let Grace climb on the back of the chair. When/if she falls, I tell her "See, mommy told you not to climb, you can get an owchie". (It isn't far from the floor, nothing to hurt her except the floor) If she does it again, I will tell her, remember, you can get an owchie if you fall. I repeat over and over. I will move her down and stress OWCHIES if she insists on doing it.

She is extremely tough and daring. I never was a dare devil. My sister.. was. I *so* see my sister in Gracie's personality. My sister lives in Montana and hasn't seen her in a year.

I am lucky on the time outs. Grace knows to go sit on the couch when I say it is a time out or time to calm down for a bit. She will sit there until I tell her she can play. I tell her (while sitting there) why she is sitting there (I am not sure how much she comprehends) over and over (for a minute or so). Not to say she won't do whatever she did wrong again, but it seems to be working.
If she doesn't go to the couch, I will put her on the couch and sit next to her.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

We really don't have anything in the way of acceptable structures for her to climb. The only chairs we have are breakfast bar chairs which are kinda high. She already fell off one of them once so she's not allowed on them anymore.

I'd love to let her climb but as to what, I have no real options. We have to wait until its warm to take her to the park and let her play outside. (Oh how I hate living in the Midwest. Its always freakin' cold in the winter) Yargh.

We live in the frigid midwest, and my kids play outside everyday, always have. That's what snowpants/gloves/hats/boots are for. I hate the cold, but I just bundle myself up, too. Kids need to play outside every day. The only exception might be a freezing rain. But just cold, they're out there. My 6 year old was riding his bike the other day, and it was only 14 degrees out.

[Plummeting]

I don't think cold should be a deterrent to a kid playing outside unless she doesn't like it. Most kids don't mind it as long as they're bundled up, but some do, and I don't think those kids should be forced to stay out in the cold if they find it too uncomfortable. But if your DD doesn't mind it, then you can still take her out. Cold never hurt anybody (who was dressed warmly and wasn't forced to stay out for too long, obviously).

My husband is from the south, so he's not used to cold and he strongly disagrees with the idea that kids should still get out in it. I'm from the midwest, so I'm used to cold and I think they should if they want to.

[Anandamama]

We don't do time outs with our 2-year old, but I've heard that if you do them, it should be no longer than 2 minutes for a 2 yr-old, 3 min. for a 3yo, etc. I don't think it makes sense or would help to try to make such a young child sit for any longer than that. I take our our step stool or step ladder and put them in a carpeted place for my daughter to practice climbing.
I think it does help to empathize with a child: "I see that you're having fun climbing on the couch. You love to climb, don't you? I would really like for you to be able to climb, but I also really want for you to be safe. When you climb here I worry that you'll get hurt. Let's find something else fun for you to do..." Then redirect. This is my strategy and most kids seem very responsive to this. Good luck finding a way out of the power struggles - we all go there from time to time!

[confustication]

We have about 2 feet of snow outside right now, and while I don't take the 4 month old out in it, the 8 year old and 18 month old are out in it every possible day. Kids NEED to use their bodies, they need to climb, run, jump, and grow- keeping them cooped up inside and punishing them for following a natural instinct is simply unfair, and setting them up for failure.

Redirect- 'we can't climb on the chair, let's play with X for a few minutes before we go out for a walk to burn off some energy?'

We also have a very small home, but the interior is largely overtaken with kid stuff for now. There is a small slide to climb, a mini trampoline, and a neat fold down target game for throwing small balls and bean bags at.

Honor the fact that a child is not a mini adult- while we may not have the energy to want to climb, run, jump etc- it is a very real and constant need for them. I suspect that if you can find a way to get enough outside playtime, and gross motor use you'll see a rapid improvement in behavior.

[KurumiSophia]

For me, the cold issue is that it bothers my knee a lot. She doesn't mind it one bit but it puts me in a lot of pain.

We're going to try the stack of pillows idea. Its just very frustrating because a lot of the stuff in the house isn't kid friendly.

[AmyKT]

OP, you have my sympathy, and I hope you find something that works for you, but I have to agree with this.

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

And from observing families that use time-outs, it's a million times easier and more fun than giving a time-out 300 times.

The poster was saying that it's more fun to remove a child from a couch 300 times than... the rest of the quote.

I was at a friends house a few weeks ago, and she put her 3 yo in time out, but he kept sneaking out early, so she'd put him back in for 1 more minute, then he'd sneak out again, and it went on and on, and by the 5th time I was thinking, when is this going to end?! Ugh! It was more punishment for the adults than for him.

I've occasionally felt guilty for not using time outs, because I know my DD can be pretty wild, but I know our experience would be like the OPs, and I'd rather not put us all through that. I do just redirect a thousand times. It usually sinks in eventually.

ETA: what about climbing up on the bed? The biggest bed in house so that she can also jump. I totally don't mind DD climbing and jumping on our bed, because at least the floor underneath it is carpeted.

[elizawill]

hugs mama. 2 can be a difficult age as your little one explores and grows. you've gotten great advice though! i especially agree with buying a trampoline or climbing set that's acceptable. my ds LOVES his trampoline. we have one with handles like this: http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x...stmas08016.jpg
hang in there. it took a little while for my dd and i to find our groove, as we learned to communicate and respect each other. my little girl is 8 now and we get along beautifully. it gets easier! hugs.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

We're going to try the stack of pillows idea. Its just very frustrating because a lot of the stuff in the house isn't kid friendly.

We're lucky enough to have one large closet I can use for crafting stuff or we'd be constantly driven crazy.

Your location is in Indiana, any chance you're in reasonable (like 30minutes-hour) driving distance of Indianapolis? You guys could come to the Children's Museum. I have a +2 membership there and could get you and your dd in for free so you could check it out and see if you want to get a membership and go more often.

It is definitely worth at least one visit even with a 1-2 hour drive