My DD's friend annoys me WWYD?

[hipumpkins]

My daughter has a friend who very bossy and a little know it all. She absolutely drives me crazy.
Thsi little 7 year old has lectrured me on:
How to clean my house
how to raise my kids
what kind of car I *should* be driving. She does not approve of our mini van.
what my kids should be eating according to her little 7 year old viewpoint.
what my kids should wear or not wear
what my kids should play with and not play with

she does this in front of her own mother so I don't always feel comfortable just correcting her but i am getting really sick of it. I would NOT let my kids act that way to anyone.
they know how we live is our choice and everyone has a choice to live their own life.
My kids are not raised thinking that what we do is superior to anyone else. We just live our lives and let others live theirs.


We are a homeschooling family so the kids play together quite often and sometimes the mom is here and sometimes not. The interaction is the same either way and the mom never says anything.

the other day I was giving all the kids soup for lunch and this little girl started screaming at me that she did not get enough meatballs. All the while the mom said nothing. I understand sometimes kids freak out but I felt the mother should address her child and how she was being so disrespectful to someone who was serving her...nothing happened.

would you just start speaking your mind and correcting the little girl and asking her to behave the way you would of your own children at least so far as when she is in your home? I feel odd doing that if the mom is here but I just may have to right?

[One_Girl]

If a child screamed at me in my home I would correct them by telling them that I respond when I am asked for more food politely. If that didn't work I would end the playdate by saying "I see you are ready to go home for lunch." I would not want my dd to think that that type of behavior is acceptable and what will happen if the rules aren't followed twice. Maybe you could write some rules down that address some of her behavior and go over them with all of the kids at the next playdate. This way it is addressed as something your kids also need to remember and you can avoid a confrontation with the mom if you don't want one.

I don't think that the questioning what you do and stating her opinion about it is a big deal. Kids like to compare their home to their friends homes. When my dd's friends do this I tell them that every family has different rules and redirect them to something else. If they get particularly set on one area of disagreement I point out something that their family does that I disagree with and tell them that it is fine to disagree because every family is different then I tell the kids to go do something else and suggest some activities to get them moving.

[Thalia the Muse]

wow, that would bug me, too. Do you feel comfortable talking to her mother and asking "Is it OK if I enforce house rules with little Snotleigh [insert child's real name here] in your presence when she's visiting?" Ideally Snotleigh's mom would say "Of course -- has she been doign something you're uncomfortable with?" and you could hash it out, but if Snotleigh's mom were ideal she wouldn't be allowing that behavior in the first place ...

When the mom is not there, you have a free hand IMO to say "Snotleigh, I don't respond to orders. If you want something, you may ask nicely." or "Snotleigh, thanks for telling me about your family. My family does things differently. You need to go play now, so I can finish cleaning up" or what have you.

[Kuba'sMama]

It's very odd that the mom wouldn't say anything!

I feel at 7 basic manners like that should be down pat. Heck my 4 year old knows how to be polite when eating lunch elsewhere, even if it's something she's not used to. She usually says "no thank you" to whatever she doesn't like (or doesn't think she likes, lol).

I think I would have a very hard time biting my tongue, even in front of the mother. I do correct children at my house, parents there or not. I wouldn't be too harsh (my kids would just get a "look" if they screamed about meatballs like that), I might just reword her "request": oh honey, do you feel you didn't get enough meatballs? do you think you could ask for more in a more polite way? I wouldn't really care about offending the mother if the mother didn't seem to care about her child offending me!

As for the inappropriate "advice", I would respond as if to a grown up giving unsolicited advice "that's how we do things at our house and it works for us". Case closed.

She must be getting it from somewhere, I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Is she a good friend to your daughter at least, or does she act superior and bossy to her as well?

[NiteNicole]

I have a much much younger brother who has always been like this. Because he was born while I was in college and then I lived in another part of the country, we aren't close like siblings and were not raised together (I was early 20s when he was born).

It. drives. me. INSANE.

I just say, "Wow, you have a lot of opinions." That usually reminds him that what he's doing is obnoxious and it's a good time to stop.

[ollyoxenfree]

I would gently but firmly reinforce basic good manners, like asking politely for things. If her mom is present and isn't doing it, I'd try to be tactful, but I wouldn't tolerate being yelled at.

Regarding the opinions, it might depend on the issue. I might enjoy hearing a 7 y.o. explain the basis for her opinion about different things, so I might engage in a discussion. If, however, it was something sensitive or inappropriate, I'd probably go with the pp's "That's how we do things here" and change the subject.

I would definitely be coaching my own children on how to deal with an opinionated loudmouth. I hope yours are able to hold their own with her.

[Porcelain Interior]

I would tell her that telling someone that their choice is wrong or not good enough is rude and to please not talk to me that way.

Then if she kept up I'd take her off the play list.

Seriously, life is too short to be tortured in your own home.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

would you just start speaking your mind and correcting the little girl and asking her to behave the way you would of your own children at least so far as when she is in your home? I feel odd doing that if the mom is here but I just may have to right?

I wouldn't correct her, but I would respond the way I would to someone else. We had a friend who stopped by the other day to use the bathroom. (They were out, and our house was closer.) He said to DH, "your house is really messy." DH said, "well you could've walked to your house to go to the bathroom." He said that it kind of shocked the friend, but that to me was an appropriate response on DH's part. I don't feel obligated to tolerate rude comments just because someone's small.

[Mary-Beth]

Well take her under your wing and help her see the world has many perspectives that are all valid. Be sweet cause she just doesn't know any better.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

would you just start speaking your mind and correcting the little girl and asking her to behave the way you would of your own children at least so far as when she is in your home? I feel odd doing that if the mom is here but I just may have to right?

YES! This is exactly what I would do. To me that's part of the village thing. It's taking responsibility and control for your sphere and that includes what's going on in your house and how people address you. Around me that usually equates doing a bit more negotiating between children than their parents do but it amounts to the same thing. I parent my way in my house and when children address me.

[Ravenlunatic]

I think it odd that the other mom didn't step in for the 'screaming' about the meatballs. But on the other hand I find it just as odd that you didn't call the mom on it right away. Like hey, take care of your kid we don't scream in our house.

This holds true for the whole thing too. I think that you should just be authentic. Let the kid know what is appropriate and expected in your home and correct her when she faulters... with authority and firmness, but keep it kind.

I think some kids are just bossy and have a superior or controlling demeanor. You have to review your philosophy of whether you will pick your DD's friends or let her do it. I think the condition you mention is managable. If she is a good friend and will stay that way I think it is okay for you to set the boundaries. Like if it is just too much, only 1 playdate at your house every week or every other week. Also her influence over your DD is important to look at.

Just be patient with her and don't take her superiority so seriously

[serenbat]

The fact that the mother kept her mouth shut to me, speaks for it self. I could not be friends with a person that can not parent their own child and has to have other parent for them, when they are present.

I would never allow this to keep going on. I would correct the child at the next time this occurs and I would speak alone to the mother and I (personally) would no longer keep any play dates with this family.

It sends strong message to your child how you act, or do not act.

To me it is not one bit about picking your child''s friends, it is far more about house rules and how not to be walked on by other, regardless of their age.

[Althetrainer]

Kids behaviors

I too find it's difficult to understand how some parents can just sit there and do nothing when their children act up. I don't normally correct a kid if his/her parents present. It's really their job to teach their children. I would try to tolerate i.e. "Sorry, this is all we have. But I will give you a piece of toast if you want." If situation got out of hand and the parent still didn't do anything, I would then tell them that we have our own house rules and that she should respect us as she was at our house.

My 7-year-old son met a boy at school. The two of them were born on the same day at the same hospital. But the two boys are like day and night. They used to play together but I gently directed DS away from that little boy. The kid has absolutely no boundary. Never listens to his mom and always does things that he knows he's not supposed to. The strangest part is that his mom doesn't even try to correct him. All she says is "Stop doing that!". If he doesn't, she just sits there and waits for him to stop. I remember talking to her once and she pretty much told me that she didn't believe in discipline. What a strange concept! But I respect her as a parent. If that's her attitude all I can do is to re-direct my child and let him play with someone else. They haven't been playing together for a year. I am definitely not looking forward to having another playdate with that little boy.

Al

[hipumpkins]

Just as an FYI (OP here) the mom is a bit odd. I prefer when she just drops her DD off but sometimes she takes an invite of the kid to mean also her and the little sister. Even though I clearly says, "Johanna would like (little girl's name here) to come over today.
Also it's not that she is anti drop off b/c sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. the mom doesn't really have proper social etiquette either. It's a weird situation but not one I would end my DD's friendship with her about.
Unless Dd felt the friendship wasn't fun anymmore. right now they like the same dolls and games etc and Dd seems to not care abut the constant tirade. It's my problem.

[Fuamami]

I wouldn't correct her or try to get her to use good manners. I don't think that is very polite, plus I would just be glad I didn't have to raise her as my hands are full enough already. She sounds pretty amusing, really. But, I don't think it would bother me much if a 7 yo was telling me what kind of car to drive. What do they know?