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Running right past February - Page 8

post #141 of 1121
Thread Starter 
exercise this afternoon scrapped in favor of time with my girls. It wasn't 100% quality time, but leah was begging for it with her behavior. You know hwat that means? Early dark o thirty style exercise tomorrow.ick.
post #142 of 1121
Junie B. kind of annoys me, but dd grew out of her pretty quickly. Ds seems very, very happy with Captian Underpants, though, and I'll read any of them except the Booger Boy one (it's too gross.)

No forward motion today ('cepting the 10 hours of work) but I'm planning, like kerc, to run at o dark hundred tomorrow.

A committee I'm on finally did an acceptable job of the task we've been working at for months - so I'm feeling marginally better about it. Mmmm.... that's the sound of my job, chewing on my life.
post #143 of 1121
Originally Posted by Geofizz View Post
I started paying myself in small etsy purchases for every paper I submit. I bought some soap and a wooden soap dish today.
for that many papers and also, wow! That is a brilliant idea. I'm going to keep that in mind for this summer and fall when I'll need motivation.

Originally Posted by zubeldia View Post
And let me hold onto my faculties during my lectures so that I can access basic vocabulary
For sure! I can already feel mine deteriorating. And the absent-mindedness is worse this time. I meant to wear brown pants today but discovered I was wearing black ones on the bus. Also I managed to grab my iPod bag, but neglected to actually put the iPod in it.

Originally Posted by kerc View Post
When I was working 1.5 jobs + doing my dissertation the only way I could work was to leave the house. Sometimes what it took for my kids to get down easily was to leave, head out to a coffee shop for an hour and come home quietly to sleeping kids.
...but my experience suggests that (your mileage may vary of course) trying to do 2 full time jobs (caring for an infant + being a prof) is not possible without more child care.

I understand the guilt and the physical reaction when they cry. But kerc et al. are right. Heck, I ought to follow that advice now. DD is getting increasingly clingy. Right now she's playing great with DH because I'm surfing the web. However, last night, when I was trying to finish up a PowerPoint presentation for this morning's lecture, she was in my office every five minutes crying about this, demanding that "only mommy" could help her with violin, bath, bed....

Also, can someone quote this bit about using enough daycare and not feeling guilty to me when I'm doing the need-more-time-for-teaching/research/exercise-but-baby-needs-me this fall? I keep telling myself I won't feel guilty this time around but I may need some reminders.

Originally Posted by tjsmama View Post
I have no idea what I'm going to do when (if) I start school...I know I *need* the workout time, but can I really afford (both financially and psychologically) to leave DS in childcare longer than I need to for class stuff so that I can get a workout in? It just feels selfish to me, you know?
It's not. Repeat that whenever necessary.

FM: I decided to walk from campus to the bus station rather than taking light rail, figuring I'd be too tired to get on the TM tonight after handbells. And as an added bonus, DD couldn't interrupt the walk the way she does every time I'm on the TM!
post #144 of 1121
I think I want to marry my new foam roller.
post #145 of 1121
Originally Posted by memiles View Post
I think I want to marry my new foam roller.

post #146 of 1121
OK, I don't know if this is going to make any sense... but I'm asking out of a need for help with the guilt. I need someone to give me some different points of view... my transition to crunchy/AP mama has been affected by things I've read here at MDC... some for good and perhaps some for bad. So simply put, why IS it OK for me to spend 9+ hours a day WOH plus approximately 1 hour of time each day doing something like rehearsing music or exercising, plus ~3-4 hours each day for chores and showering, eating, misc. tasks around the house... leaving very little time left over to just simply be with my kids? It doesn't feel OK to me... it's not like I know deep down it's really OK and I'm just pretending it's not for the sake of martyrdom or whatever. It really truly feels selfish. When my kids beg for mama time and cry when I leave it feels like it's not good for them. I know I can find threads on this website that would have me strung up by my toenails for doing any of those things, primarily the WOHM bit, I guess, since it takes the largest chunk of time. I believe my kids need me for things they can't get from their dad, both b/c he's a guy and b/c he struggles w/ depression. The whole thing is such a strain. Have I lost my mind? Have I turned in my feminist ID card? The thing is, no matter how much I am convinced that our arrangement is not ideal, there's not a dang thing I can do about it. The only other alternative is for DH to go to work and the kids to be cared for by a non-relative. So, seriously and without snark, why is it OK in terms of my kids for me to take more time for myself on top of my obligatory time away?

Now... the gym closes in 55 minutes and the house is quiet. I'm going to change clothes.
post #147 of 1121
Thread Starter 

Originally Posted by eksmom View Post
I believe my kids need me for things they can't get from their dad, both b/c he's a guy and b/c he struggles w/ depression.
I'm pretty sure your kids need you because you're you. You may look like Daphne in a prior life, you might be a whiz at math, you talk with a sweet southern accent that I'm sure I could pick up in a week. You are important because you're Katherine, Emma Kate and Griffin's mom.

Now the guilt piece.That's a tricky question. You haven't said that C. is unhappy as a sahd so some of this might not apply to you. I'm really not trying to pass judgement at all, I'm just raising some questions that could be a nice discussion in person. Why is being cared for by a blood relative so important? Is the comfort and/or nurishment that G gains from nursing enough to justify a disruption in your working day? How many chores are you doing vs. how many your SAH partner is doing? Do you get a chance to sit down and read with your kids?

My dad was a traditional, executive dad. When I was kindergarten-age (with 2 little sibs + 1 big one), I remember my dad reading 4 books each evening. I spent time with him on the weekend. I did not see him after school. He didn't come to my school functions. I feel closer to my dad than I do to my mom. He let me know him as a person on the weekends when he was home. My dad did take us to swimming as we got older and got into swimming himself when I was about 7. But he didn't do much else.
post #148 of 1121
eksmom--I'm sorry you're feeling crummy about how your time has to be divided right now. It's awful to feel pulled in so many different directions, and to feel like your kids are suffering for it. If you weren't taking time to do your own things that recharge and refresh you, though, wouldn't you be giving your kids a worse part of yourself? When I'm exercising and making time to do other things I enjoy, the time that I do spend with my kids is calmer and happier, because I'm more centered and more able to relax with them after my needs are met. Can you see a quality/quantity balance? Either way, it sucks to even have to think about it and question yourself.

memiles--Do tell about the foam roller love. I've seen the term bantered about, but am not sure exactly what it is or what benefit could be derived from it. I certainly didn't realize one could inspire amorous feelings.

Ooh, the fairies. I ranted and raved about them a few months ago. My kids are too little to have "in-your-head books" since they don't read yet. My strategy for the fairies was to blast through them as quickly as possible. The only ones we haven't read are the brand-new ones that are slowly trickling in. Right now it's the sport fairies, which I really should boycott altogether since there's no running fairy in the group. Man, that Rachel Walker and Kirsty Tate are such dull robots as characters. They never tease, fight, or have anything but the cheeriest and most sunny interaction. It very nearly makes me puke.

Right now we're also blasting our way through the A to Z Mysteries, which I like much better, although what was the author thinking when he named one of the three main characters Dink? Seriously? In a book that's at about a second-grade reading level, you don't think that the audience might have associations with the term Dink? My kids are too little to think his name is funny yet.

I've started and deleted several replies today, since I'm still not running. I saw the physician's assistant yesterday, who I love so much more than my real doctor! Anyway, he confirmed sinus infection and told me to use some Flonase and a sinus rinse to see if that helped, and if I'm still feeling crappy in a few days he also gave me a prescription for antibiotics. So I bought a neti-pot. The kind that looks like Aladdin's lamp, not the kind that looks like a penis. I really hate it. Today I had some major painful burning, probably from failing to mix up the stuff well enough. It seems that sometimes my sinus is too blocked for it to work, so the stuff trickles down to the back of my throat even though I'm leaning WAY forward and I spend the whole time gagging it up and spitting. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? Anyway, totally stinks to be sick.

Nic--Would you still like to meet up in Florida? I promise I'll knock out these germs before I come anywhere near you.
post #149 of 1121
eksmom- Kerc put it brilliantly-I don't think I can add anymore. Quality time is everything-and you need your own time so that you can give your children quality time.

zu-how did the day go? Hope you drove safely!!

I got in about 15 minutes of yoga this morning-with littlest dd and then older dd came down as well-but it was a start...baby steps right. I also got kicked off my mat by both kids. Details, details

Thanks for all of the replies about my rotten mommy moments yesterday. It really does help to know that I am not alone. I am surrounded by such calm moms IRL-I feel like a lunatic. I actually had a very good friend say to me once "that she would never and has never yelled at her children". Thanks-because that comment really helps me. Today was a better day. Older dd got to play outside in the snow for a really long time and had a ball. Outside time for her is a magic elixir.

Day 4 of no napping-tell me this will end.

to everyone!
post #150 of 1121
Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa View Post

memiles--Do tell about the foam roller love. I've seen the term bantered about, but am not sure exactly what it is or what benefit could be derived from it. I certainly didn't realize one could inspire amorous feelings.
I got this one. I almost didn't, as I am incredibly cheap and $25 for a piece of foam seemed insane. But I've heard enough from the wise women around here to know that it might help with my pain issues. And I justified the price by remembering that the best help I've had with my issue was having RP (a massage therapist) grope me in a coffee shop, but that she's not going to give me infinite free massage.

Basically, it allows you to roll around and work deeply into muscles by using your body weight and the firmness of the roller. I felt EXACTLY where my problems were (shins, IT band, hip flexors), and after I stopped swearing it feels amazing. Definitely hit spots I can't get through stretching. A big , at least on day one.
post #151 of 1121
eks~ I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. I have a feeling I'm going to be right there with you when (if) I start school.

lala~On the neti pot...I think it just takes some practice. I hated it when I first started using it, and had several burning/upthenose/downthethroat experiences, but now that I have the hang of it, it's not too bad. But yeah, if I'm too clogged up, it's a no go. And on the foam roller...it really is fabulous. The first time I ever used it was when I was in PT for my IT band/bursitis. I thought I was going to cry, it hurt so bad. I really, truly believe that it's a big part of what's kept me OUT of PT and with healthy(ish) hips for the past two years. I foam roll pretty religiously, almost every night.

I feel like I have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished this week so far. Besides running errands that I really didn't plan on running that took up far more time than planned. I swear, one of these days, I really WILL get some house cleaning done. I did, however, make a really yummy and easy crockpot beef stroganoff tonight. Which DS did not eat, other than a couple of bites of noodles and one piece of beef that I had to coerce him to try and that he chewed for at least 10 minutes even though it was fall-apart tender. At least *I* thought it was good.
post #152 of 1121
Originally Posted by memiles View Post
I think I want to marry my new foam roller.

eksmom - No words of wisdom from me either, but definitely a

RR: 3k in 5 reps of 5 minutes running, 1 minute walking. Running surface was covered in snow, so if felt like I was running on sand. NOT easy on the calves. The route also ended in what I consider to be a rather big hill. I had to stop and walk part of the way up, my calves were just screaming. On the up side, my knee pain is very minimal!

I'm off to bed. Whew. Have a good night Dingos!
post #153 of 1121
Ok, so I don't log in for most of a day, and I'm over 5 pages behind...

So, I will skip personals for the moment, and just say that I had a great Zumba class, started the 100 pushup program, and did a ton of house hold chores. All in all, a pretty good day!
post #154 of 1121
eskmom, I can't even articulate enough how similarly I feel.. this is a placeholder for a much lengthier response. For now s

I did get through the day - and somehow it wasn't so bad. I have a couple of TAs and one of them I really enjoy. I picked up DS and he was very fussy when I got home to an empty, cold house (oh, the dogs were slightly maniacal which didn't make things much easier). But after a good feed, bath, and play DS was fine. DH returned and took him upstairs and shortly thereafter I collapsed into bed myself with ds.

DH is showering and I'm going to get a quick run in when he's finished. I have to go to a work thing this evening but it's day at home with DS - doing little bits of work when I can.(NAK right now)

I shall do a lot of thinking about balance as I run.

THANKS for all the here and on FB.
post #155 of 1121
real, reading your post, I thought, Wow! Lisa's feeling well enough to look at the screen long enough to write something! I hope you're feeling well, even in the wrong pants, and we'll all be reminding you that guilt feelings are normal and exercise helps you be a strong and healthy mom.

eks, I feel like this a lot too. But kerc is right on. You're the mom. And you've done, IMO, a bang-up job of putting your kids first and supporting your family at the same time. Any time I read about your wahm/wohm/nursing experience, I am in awe.

La, my kids don't react to Dink, either.

I got up half an hour earlier today so I can do barn chores, get ready and leave right when the bus takes the kids. Plan is to run 4-5mi and be at work before 10, then hopefully meet a friend for 1115 lunch, and then another meeting at 1230. As dawn gets earlier, this getting up thing should get a lot easier. By April, this will be easy. Right?
post #156 of 1121
Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa View Post
Nic--Would you still like to meet up in Florida? I promise I'll knock out these germs before I come anywhere near you.

Yes! Just pm me with your cell number or whatever and schedule and we'll arrange to meet up!

4.5 fast miles this morning alone in the dark...very peaceful, starry sky and bright moon. I am substitute teaching today, tomorrow, and Monday so I need to manage the runs first thing.
post #157 of 1121
eks...hugs. You will figure out what you need in proportion to what the kids need because you are a loving and smart mom! Sometimes it just takes time to tweak the schedule and things change all the time so we have to reevaluate where we are.

Forward motion: I have to keep moving, but I realize it's going to have to be pilates, yoga, aqua, strenght type stuff for awhile. I just made a schedule of classes from the gym. Eventually I will get some rehab for the lingering injuries and will run again.

Goal: Eat appropriatly on the weekend. It's always a challenge.
post #158 of 1121

No one can or should tell you how to feel. If reading outside the dingos starts mucking with your perspective, then take a break. I have quit reading whole forums for as long as 6 months at a time because I needed to be in charge of my own opinions.

I go through cycles on this myself, particularly with DH at home now. Ironically, I think I've done this more intensely when DH is the SAHP than when the kids were in daycare. (Let's just block out the whole nanny episode, shall we?) A lot of it for me is that, while DH is doing what he committed to with regards to childcare, he's not doing what I would do if the situation were reversed. Not better or worse, just different. It takes me a lot of time, and I seem to need to do it over and over, to see that my kids are getting their needs met with dad during the week. I meet different needs on the weekends. The sum total is that their needs are met, and they have a rich relationship with both parents.
post #159 of 1121
A bit of perspective, please?

This happens 2-5 times a week when I'm crossing with K (purple pants). I'm not crazy to spit nails at the situation, am I? Police won't enforce the law, and the school sends home "safety notices" with a bunch of holier than #$% missives, with a one liner in the middle saying "obey traffic signals."
post #160 of 1121
Thread Starter 
what Geofizz said. Right down to the dh not doing like I would do it.
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