Originally Posted by Geofizz
Keep all other "ideals" distinct. I do not follow that vast majority of health-related advice to be found on MDC. Fundamentally, your approach to vaccines has nothing to do with facilitating a strong and secure set of attachments for your child. Nor does the absorbant stuff you place on your kid's butt. And honestly, it doesn't matter if your kid eats organic lentils or MickyD's. It's fine to decide that organic/no modern medicine/cloth diapers is your ideal. Just don't confuse it with facilitating the emotional development of your kid. I certainly have a large set of environmentally minded ideals that affect how I parent at the most basic level. My guilt in failures on that level does not extend to my feelings for how I meet my childrens' emotional development.
Geo, you are so right on this. Fortunately the NFL part of my life is mostly on cruise control and doesn't cause me a lot of guilt or worry with one exception (more on that in a sec). I think I am pretty separate on the AP being for emotional health and the NFL being for physical health or for the environment, and failures of the latter don't keep me up at night. Somehow, it's easier for me to see that a few instances of wearing disposable diapers don't detract from the fact that 99% of the time we use cloth... somehow with the AP/emotional stuff, one un-AP instance seems worse. I should think about this. I guess that if I'm worried about DH's interactions with the kids, and feeling like a lot of mine are of the "no, I'm working" or "gotta go to rehearsal/gym" variety, it feels like that's making up the large majority.
My one exception is food. With a family history of type II diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure, my own palate being trained to appreciate the finest of foods from a box
, and having to work fairly hard to eat healthily and maintain a healthy weight, I do feel that it matters whether my kids eat lentils or McD's. I really think that if I hadn't spent the first 25 or so years of my life becoming conditioned to junk food, it wouldn't be a constant battle. I would like to give my kids the gift of healthy eating without having to relearn things once they are an adult.
Anyway, I still agree w/ you even about food not being tied to emotional development... just saying that it is the one non-AP issue that I feel has an equally important and long-lasting effect on my kids (oh and as a disclaimer, even as a vegetarian, I do believe meat can be part of a healthy diet, so my healthy food concerns are different from and a higher priority than my vegetarian concerns).
Speaking of parents... it's kind of funny that I've got all this stuff swirling about not doing enough for my kids on one end of the spectrum, and then... in the last several weeks my parents have blamed specific illness in DS on the fact that he's nursing, blamed his general propensity to catch DD's colds on the fact that he is nursing, had it pointed out to me that I am not allowing my kids to even know what meat tastes like and make up their own minds and that they are missing out, AND that if I just would spray Lysol liberally everyone would get well. Oh, and on the DH topic, I can no longer talk to my parents about him at all, b/c their attitude is if you're staying in the marriage, don't complain, otherwise, leave. I can laugh except right in the moment. As you may have guessed I was formula-fed, spanked, shamed beyond belief (at 14, my father predicted I would be pregnant or in jail by the time I was 16, his exact words), not allowed to go to movies, and the whole world was viewed with suspicion and negativity. I've done a lot of retraining.