'I'm bored'

[Ceinwen]

This has probably been done dozens of times by now, but bear with me.

My dd is seven (just this month); in the last six months her ability to play/amuse herself has gone completely downhill.

She doesn't play with the typical toys anymore (fine, she's getting older) but even getting her to go read, do crafts, etc. is excruciating.

We usually battle over watching TV (which she does tons of) and playing the DS she got for Christmas. I have no issues with her doing either for various amounts of time, almost unrestricted - but when the whole day goes by and all she's done is play DS or sit in front of the TV with that glazed look - I'm done.

So, when those things are put away, she comes and hangs off of me. Lays on the couch or the floor, swings from the counter, etc. Just generally does nothing but attempt to annoy me.

Does anyone else have a child this age who just seems unable to amuse themselves? I'm a single mom and I also have a two year old dd (funnily enough - she can't amuse herself for five minutes either) but I'm reaching the end of my rope with my seven year old.

I keep sending her downstairs (her room is down there, rec room, toys, books, etc.) in hopes of her getting involved in something and spending time playing, etc. but she's inevitably back up within 20 minutes saying 'I'm bored' or 'I'm hungry', etc.

Maybe I'm just cranky, but I'm annoyed.

[sarahmck]

My daughter is younger than yours (5 in May), but I have one comment that may apply anyway.

From about age 2 until 4, she watched about 25 minutes of TV per day. Then she started school and her schedule changed and she started watching that much but not every day (she prefers watching first thing in the morning and now she goes to school first thing).

Over Christmas, we visited my parents and my daughter chose to stay home with them any time that we went out. We have no babysitter at home, so we took advantage of this and went out a lot. Often when we returned home, she would be watching TV and my mom would say that she had just turned it on. Hmmm. Anyway, the point is that she was watching way more TV there, but we were only there for two weeks and I didn't care. I have typically let her watch pretty much as much as she wants because that only worked out to a small amount and not even every day.

Since we returned home from our vacation, she wanted to watch way more TV and I found that she was being more annoying and less self-sufficient. I started clamping down on her TV watching in the intervening 3 weeks and she's gone pretty much back to normal. She misbehaved the other day and I didn't let her watch at all for two days and that seemed to really put her over the edge and fix her. She was very unhappy about it, but since that she's only asked for a small amount of TV and has been busying herself happily.

So I guess my point is that my hypothesis is that screen time begets the need for more and inhibits the ability or desire to do other things.

[hillymum]

I was talking about this with some friends just this weekend. One friend said she has a jar filled with small notes with chores or activities written on them. When her son says he is bored he can either go do what he wants or take the chance of having to do a chore from the jar. We are about to start this!

[amcal]

I am completely unwilling to find things for my children to amuse themselves with when they say "I'm bored". We have a million and one toys, books, puzzles, journals, coloring books, art supplies, dress up clothes etc..... Plus, we live in Phoenix so they can play outside any time.

If they are unwilling to find things to amuse themselves, I can come up with a list of household things that need to be done.

Generally, one suggestion for a household chore to fill their time and they're scampering off suddenly able to figure out ways to amuse themselves.

[sapphire_chan]

My mom's response was that if we were bored she had plenty for us to do in the house. Something about the gleam in her eye as she said with delight "are you bored??? Please be bored, the living room needs sweeping!" really helped us find stuff to do.

[One_Girl]

My dd has just started this recently. The first time she complains I suggest things to do and the second time I have been telling her boredom is a choice and I can find some schoolwork or chores for her to do if she truly can't amuse herself. I am not sure if that is helping her boredom, but it is cutting down on how much I have to hear about her boredom and that is helping my sanity. I also believe there is a correlation between tv watching and boredom for my dd, we were watching a lot more tv over the holidays and when I got sick a couple weeks ago and the boredom complaints have really increased since then.

[meemee]

its the line my 7 year old uses which i realised translates to - mom i want to talk to you about the mysteries of the world. she hangs out and just lays there or slumped over while i talk to her. we have this long conversation about life or her dreams and goals.

yup growing up. however i welcome them since dd is so independent with so much social activity and other things to do that i dont get to know as much about her as i could tell before.

[columbusmomma]

[Softmama]

I have a several pronged approach.
1. I agree with limiting the TV as it just makes it all worse.
2. If my kids start complaining about being bored I try to evaluate if I've given them enough of "me" or if I've been pushing them off all day. (I tend to disappear into the computer or chores or whatever and sometime this can be a wake up call for me to reengage with the kids)
3. I'll offer up one or two things that they are only allowed to do with me around "want me to get out the play dough?" etc
4. but my fall back response after that is, "it's OK with me that you're bored".

The reason I do that is because I think adults can almost have a panic attack when they hear that a kid is bored, it can make us ANGRY, as in "with all the toys you have,with everything I've provided for you, yada yada yada". well so what if they're bored? Let the kid be bored. As soon as they figure out you have no inclination to fix that for them (and you're not annoyed by it) they tend to go fix it themselves.

HTH!