overwhelmed, frustrated, would like to hear more from those who've BTDT

[Bmorefarmgirl]

hi everyone. we are expecting our first in april, and i am currently stuck in the vaccine-information quagmire! we have interviewed 3 pediatricians so far. i just finished dr sears' book, and i have read a bunch of discussions on these forums. i just feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, and i feel like it is impossible to make a decision!

when my sister had kids and decided not to vax, i thought she was being irrational and irresponsible. well, of course her kids are beautiful healthy babies, and now that i am having one of my own, i find myself changing my tune. and then changing it back again! it is so hard to make a decision.

i am not going to be sending this baby to day care any time soon, i'm planning on breastfeeding for as long as possible, and we don't have any other kids, so i feel that i can do a lot to reduce my baby's risk of hib, pc, pertussis and rotavirus. to me, those are the dangerous ones for infants. then once the baby is older, i might feel more comfortable with the other vaxes such as DTaP, MMR, polio, etc.

but i am not sure how much protection breastfeeding gives. of course, the answer depends on who you ask. everyone has a horror story about the perfectly healthy breastfed baby who died from this, that or the other disease that is usually not a menace. i am not sure how prevalent these germs are. do i have to worry about taking my unvaxed infant to the supermarket? what if i want to join a playgroup? if we have a second child and the first is already in preschool or something, then i have to agonize all over again about the rota and pertussis, which are sure to be coming home from big groups of kids. i know i will be staying home for a while with the first baby, but i am not sure about my long-term situation and future family.

my thoughts are kind of spiraling here, and i don't know what to think! just wondered if anyone else went through this kind of vax mania.

it also makes me sad that this is what i am obsessing about. i think our kids will be pretty healthy, and i don't even want to go to a dr. the main reason i am even looking for a ped at this point is b/c we are having a home birth and would like to get the metabolic testing done, and our midwife doesn't do it. i don't go to a doctor myself. i rarely get sick and just try to eat my vegetables, and take some honey and tea when i feel a cold coming on. and i feel like a relationship with a doctor should be about more than just whether they will let you "get away with" not vaxing. i just have never had a great relationship with a doc myself, so i am having trouble finding one for my babe. argh!

can anyone commiserate? any advice?

[shenanegans]

I didn't vax my son at all. He is about to turn 3, he breastfed till 2. Besides not getting any of the big things they vaccinate for he also hardly got sick, never had an ear infection or diahrrea . Maybe because his immune system was stronger due to not being vaccinated. I was in Japan so I didn't get too much pressure from our Dr. there. We left when my son was 1 and we have been in Canada since. My son has been in daycare since he was 1.5years old, small groups in a home setting so he does play with other kids and I never worried aboout playgroups or the supermarket. It sounds like you have a similar relationship to dr's and philosophy about health as me. Just do what makes you feel most comfortable and it seems that you have done your homework so don't feel guilty if this is the decision you have made.

[gardenmommy]

I have 4 children, expecting #5 in about 8 weeks. None of my children are vaxed. I don't hesitate to take them anywhere, or to allow them to participate in anything. They are all very healthy, none has ever been on abx. For me, I would rather take the risk of a disease that is most likely treatable than the risk of damage from a vaccine, which is most likely not treatable. We started out planning on selectively vaxing, and on a delayed schedule. As we learned more, and time passed, it just didn't really seem to make sense to vax our perfectly healthy children. I do remember those moments of being overwhelmed by the enormity of the decision when I was pregnant with my first. I think what helped the most was a friend's advice to just wait. She told me "you can never take it out, but you can always go back and catch up if you decide to vax". Since we weren't totally comfortable with vaxing, we decided to wait until we had done enough research that we could be comfortable one way or the other. We finally found a ped. who was comfortable with our decision to wait, even though he strongly recommended vaxing. And now, 12 years later, we still haven't done any of them. I do think you need to just pull back from it a bit, and wait. There is no rush to vax, contrary to what most people will tell you. You can always get it done later. If you are Bfing, your baby will get plenty of immunities from you. As far as dealing with the out-and-about of daily life, put the baby in a carrier of some sort (like a sling or mei tai, or moby), and he or she will be at least partially protected from all the germs and eager admirers.

Hugs, mama! It is a hard decision, and one only you can make. Take your time, and make sure you are comfortable, whichever way you end up going.

[hollytheteacher]

I would suggest steering clear from peds and finding a "family doctor/practice" instead. We interviewed a few peds, picked a different one, left that one and found an amazing family practice that we love and never forces or even encouranges vax's...they just ask and we just decline or schedule one (when we feel like it...we are veerrrry delayed/selective).

I know what you mean about the swirling thoughts...i used to be obsesive about it. You just have to delay until you have done enough research to feel comfortable and then select the ones you feel are important (if any at all!)

[xmasbaby7]

It sounds like you are doing everything right except it sounds like you think that the diseases are more likely than they really are.

Like many, I planned on merely delaying vaccines but by my babe's first birthday, I could not help but notice how different our household health was with all of our peers who also breastfed exclusively but vaxed.

Try and figure out what you are most afraid of, and arm your self with enough info to determine a realistic risk analysis.

The reality is, most of our kids will never see anything we have vaxes for, even if we went looking for it, with the exception of flu, maybe chicken pox and possibly measles. None of those scare me for a healthy child.

[alegna]

I have two totally unvaxed kids- 5.5 and 1.5.

We go everywhere and do everything. We belong to playgroups and go to museums and nasty mall play spaces They've had a short list of colds and such, but never even anything serious enough to warrant antibiotics.

-Angela

[luv-my-boys]

quick note on the metabolic testing:

There are several agencies where you can pay to have the metabolic testing done privately. they send you the kit and all your MW would have to do is make sure to get a blood droplet from your child within the time frame specified by that particular lab. If you google "expanded metabolic screening" you will find several online options.

Even though I had the boys in hospitals I still did an expanded screen since each state really varies on what they test for and I wanted to make sure I tested for everything possible. Ours was under $80 for the complete test came with a lancet for the heel prick/alcohol swab and the pkg needed to mail it in.

[claddaghmom]

You're welcome to have all my vaccine info. I have it saved by particular vaccine in microsoft word documents. I also have a welcome letter w/ links to research and a list of books. PM me if interested.

[Arduinna]

I have a 20 year old unvaxed healthy daughter. She has never gotten any of the diseases that there are vax for. In fact all she has ever gotten was pink eye and an ear infection and a couple colds.

[dinahx]

Just noting that legally you have to
take your LO to some type of doctor, otherwise you are considered guilty of medical neglect. You totally don't have to accept any treatment, but you do have to show up.

I suggest reading Aviva Jill Romm's book for another perspective. Honestly based on my extensive observation since becoming a mama, I would be way more worried about the HB than not vaxing. I have literally never heard of anyone I come into contact with having a child with a serious health situation from not vaxing. Actually, I know so many more very vaxy mothers with children with ASD issues and ghastly illnesses. And I know plenty of vaxy mothers whose children have gotten Pertussis despite being fully vaxed for it.

[gardenmommy]

Originally Posted by dinahx

Just noting that legally you have to
take your LO to some type of doctor, otherwise you are considered guilty of medical neglect. You totally don't have to accept any treatment, but you do have to show up.

I'm not sure why you say this. Only one of my children has ever seen a dr. on a regular basis. DD1 has seen a dr. exactly once, as a newborn. DD2 has seen a dr. twice for a health issue. DS2 has never seen a dr., except for the two ER visits he has had. We are not doing anything illegal. I don't think we could be accused of medical neglect, we have certainly sought out care when it was needed, *NEEDED* being the operative word. It is a whole other topic, but if you don't want to take your children to well-baby visits, there is no law requiring you to do so. Many parents do, for their own peace of mind, but it isn't necessary to have healthy children.

[dinahx]

I believe if you are reported to CPS you can get in trouble, that is what I have always heard, it is not a law, just a rule & precedent.

[Marnica]

To OP, I think you have gotten a lot of great advice.
My DS is 21 months, unvaxed and has been in daycare since he was 3 months old. He is still BF. He does get sick, quite a bit actually, but not with anything that could have been prevented by a vaccine. (I actually think most of the vaccines are ineffective). I am discovering that many of his issues are allergy related, inherited from me no doubt. I truly believe that he would be 100 times WORSE off if I had vaccinated him.

PP's are right. You can always vaccinate, but once it's in there, you can never take it out. I also have alot of vaccine research that I have complied (lots of medical journal articles). If you are interested PM me.

[Bmorefarmgirl]

thank you all so much for your advice! it feels good just to hear that i do not have to decide right this minute! i start reading information and start to feel like i am studying for a test that i have to take right away before i forget. it is nice to know i can take a minute to breathe and digest and process!!

thanks for sharing your experience and advice!

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by dinahx

I believe if you are reported to CPS you can get in trouble, that is what I have always heard, it is not a law, just a rule & precedent.

It can be helpful to have some relationship with a doctor if that came up, but if your child is healthy and has no medical condition that has been "neglected," well, what can they say?

I advise anyone who has received a visit from CPS to take their children for a well visit regardless if/when they had gone before.

[MomofMusa]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

I have a 20 year old unvaxed healthy daughter. She has never gotten any of the diseases that there are vax for. In fact all she has ever gotten was pink eye and an ear infection and a couple colds.

This is what I like to hear, parents of grown or older non vaxed children ...

My son is only 2 years old, stopped after his 8th month shot. So far, praise God, he's been pretty healthy..

[alegna]

There is no requirement to see medical professionals of any sort if they are not needed.

-Angela

[gardenmommy]

Originally Posted by dinahx

I believe if you are reported to CPS you can get in trouble, that is what I have always heard, it is not a law, just a rule & precedent.

BTDT, they didn't give me any grief at all about it, esp. since they could see with their own eyes that all the kids are healthy. Not that I would ever discourage one from visiting a dr. for that reason, or any other. You really need to do what makes you feel the most comfortable, IMO.

[matthia]

just my 2cents. I'm 25 and was completely unvaxed up until I was about.....22? I had a weird infection thing on my foot and my dr. gave me a tetanus shot. I didn't really consider refusing because she made sense. I have never been sick with anything. I have never even had a bad case of the flu (i.e. I've never been sick enough to throw up).

Last year, before I took a trip to europe, I asked my dr about vax's and mentioned I was planning on getting preggers. She referred me to a travel/vax dr who sat me down wrote out a schedule of about 20 vaxes and shot me up with 5 before I could blink an eye. It totally freaked me out and as soon as I stepped out of his office I knew I'd never be going back. He lied to me when I asked about any side effects (I had to google them to see). I just wanted the information, so that pissed me off. Also he said 2 mmr shots were reccomended but when I looked it up, I found that 95% of people are completely immunized after the first shot and the second is only to catch the last 5%. Again, it pissed me off. When I got my blood work done for being preggers I found that (surprise, surprise!) the one MMR shot he got me with immunized me well enough. Anyways, sorry for the rant, it's just that whole experience just made me angry and less inclined to vax (even if I had been inclined to before hand). When I want honest information, lying does not in any way inspire my confidence.

ETA: sorry about mildy highjacking your thread there. I think the pp have given some great advice and I really just wanted you to know that I grew up unvaxed, went to school, played with lots of kids, travelled around mexico as a 4 year old, etc, etc, and am completely healthy.

[swissmom]

Originally Posted by shenanegans

Besides not getting any of the big things they vaccinate for he also hardly got sick, never had an ear infection or diarrhea . Maybe because his immune system was stronger due to not being vaccinated.

This sums it up for my situation. DS has turned three and has never had anything but a little fever. His immune system is so strong that he didn't catch the flu (which I came down with twice) or the noro virus, measles and chicken pox, to which he was all exposed unintentionally.

We are flying overseas twice a year. I remember the first time I was almost dying of fear, feeling that airports and planes are big risks. By now, I don't even give it one thought.

Of course, it's not just that we don't vaccinate. It goes hand in hand with a healthy lifestyle, meaning good nutrition, enough sleep and exercise, a caring environment. Vaccines do not provide long-term immunity, but an intact immune system does.