Great Blog Post on the R Word

[KatWrangler]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/liane-..._b_443627.html

I agree. The word needs to be retired.

[AnalogWife]

I'm editing my post because I'm afraid it sounded it was in favor of using "retard" in certain situations.

I'm shocked, still, to think others might be referring to my developmentally-delayed and poss. ASD son as "retarded." If I received an email titled "retarded grandparents" I might think it was indelicate wording...but I've yet to think of using it for my DS. I found that surprising, that Autism = "Retarded", I wasn't aware.

[kme]

Unfortunately this word is alive and well in elementary schools and middle schools (having a 4th and 6th grader I can say this for certainty). My kids know we DO NOT use that word - I would rather have them use the word a**hole or sh**head than "the R word". Why? Because the other words, while offensive and not appropriate for children to be using, do not degrade any particular group of people. Basically, anyone can be the "A word" or the "S word". But "retard"? It refers to a certain subset of individuals, of which their brother is a member.

And yes, unfortunately, it is used for any child who is "different" in any way. ASD certainly qualifies. I have caught my own kids and their friends using it and it fills me with anger! My kids have gotten better about it and I have even heard them tell their friends "dude, that's not cool" when they hear them using it.

I fail to see why this word has remained acceptable while derogatory words for other minority groups are taboo. I don't know the reason but I hope by the time my son is an adult it is considered as offensive as all those other derogatory labels because it should be.

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by kme

I fail to see why this word has remained acceptable while derogatory words for other minority groups are taboo. I don't know the reason but I hope by the time my son is an adult it is considered as offensive as all those other derogatory labels because it should be.

I think I may have the minority opinion here, and I have trouble expressing it, so bear with me while I fumble with words.

First, let me say that ANY word can be rude or disrespectful if used with that intent (ask my husband, who thinks it's funny sometimes to prove that he can make any comment into an innuendo ).

I think, though, that "PC" has gone too far, and it is not only confusing (what term is "acceptable" now?) but it is undertoning the whole problem...which is that politeness and civility should rule.

For example, I heard my grandfather say "those are Sam's boys...the middle one is...'special'." Do you see how the way he used that word was loaded? Handicapped, disabled, even "delayed" can have negative connotations (in fact, the history behind the word "handicapped" is that it used to refer to people who had their 'caps in hand', i.e. asking for money...so it didn't always mean people who were physically or mentally disabled, but also those that were just homeless. Bet you didn't know that).

DISabled tends to carry a negative connotation, some people prefer to say "differently" abled.

So what word IS okay? Mental retardation is a medical term with a medical definition. Our local MRDD just changed their name "Mental Retardation/Developmental Disability Services" to "Developmental Disability Service" only, but there IS a difference in those two terms. A person can be DD without being MR, and vice versa.

My son is currently labled as having developmental delays. There is a component of MR to his syndrome, but he is too young to be fully assessed for it. I KNOW that he may have that label eventually. I'm okay with it. Because if I use another word (learning disabled, intellectually disabled, etc) it still means the same thing...his brain does not function at the same level as his peers.

So I, personally, have no issue with the word retarded, WHEN USED IN THE MEDICAL SENSE OF MENTAL RETARDATION. I do, of course, have issue with it being used in a derogatory sense, as I do with ANY word used in a derogatory manner. So instead of teaching my children not to use any specific word or phrase, I prefer to teach them to speak with politeness and civility instead.

My husband calls me a "pansy" (jokingly, of course) when he says I'm acting "girly" (can't lift something, asking him to kill a spider for me, etc). A pansy is a flower...should the name of a flower be barred from our vocabulary because of that? Of course not.

Now some words have become extremely taboo in our culture because there was never any positive association with the word, because it was created with the sole purpose of singleing out a group of people in a negative way. Those words are despicable. Retarded is not in that class, in my opinion.

I still don't know if I convey my thoughts on this well enough or not. I tried!

[SashaBreeze]

Not only as a mother of a child with Apraxia (among other things) but also as a former child of Apraxia it would be nice to see the word dropped. I'm not going to hold my breath.
Yes Mental Retardation is an actual medical term, and I see the above posters point on this, but lets face it that is NOT the way most people use the term.
As a child my teachers took to calling me the little "retard" and the other children took their lead, kids know it is a "bad" thing to call someone. I was not able to overcome the stigma my teachers set despite 7 years of intensive speech therapy, that eventually lead to me being heavily involved in theater during my teen years. I ended up having to switch school systems just to escape it. Why? Because a teacher in the first grade decided that because I could not speak clearly I was a "retard" and made sure the other children learned to view me the same way. My mother and I had to fight every step of the way for me to be allowed any opportunities until we finally wised up and switched school systems. Words are powerful, even, or perhaps especially, the mean ones.

[kme]

I am not talking about the term "mentally retarded" or even describing a person as "retarded" if they are. I have no problem with that. I am talking about the word "retard". That is NOT a medical term and is derogatory. I also don't let my kids say things (or people) are "gay" when they are using it in a derogatory way even thought that is a legitimate word too.

I agree sometimes the PC stuff can be too much, but the word "retard" really grates on me.

SashaBreeze - so sorry you had to go through that. Yes, words are powerful!!

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by kme

I am not talking about the term "mentally retarded" or even describing a person as "retarded" if they are. I have no problem with that. I am talking about the word "retard". That is NOT a medical term and is derogatory. I also don't let my kids say things (or people) are "gay" when they are using it in a derogatory way even thought that is a legitimate word too.

I agree sometimes the PC stuff can be too much, but the word "retard" really grates on me.

SashaBreeze - so sorry you had to go through that. Yes, words are powerful!!

Agreed.

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by kme

I am not talking about the term "mentally retarded" or even describing a person as "retarded" if they are. I have no problem with that. I am talking about the word "retard". That is NOT a medical term and is derogatory. I also don't let my kids say things (or people) are "gay" when they are using it in a derogatory way even thought that is a legitimate word too.

I agree sometimes the PC stuff can be too much, but the word "retard" really grates on me.

SashaBreeze - so sorry you had to go through that. Yes, words are powerful!!

Well then I think we're saying the same thing. The article (and other's I've read, including a campaign from the Special Olympics) suggests that the word be "retired" in ALL of its uses. I disagree.

My argument is that the issue isn't the word itself, it's the derogatory use of the word. Your example of "gay" is a perfect one. I also don't let my children use it unless they are describing homosexuals or the true definition which is actually "happy/merry".

The root of "retard" or "retarded" is actually musical, and means "slow" or "to slow down".

Changing the word isn't going to keep people from being rude or calling names.

I can be described as a "blonde"...either it's an accurate description of me, or someone is being rude and perpetuating a stereotype. It's all about how the word is used.

[KatWrangler]

Emanuel Steps Up His Apology

http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2010/0...p-his-apology/

[kme]

Thanks for posting this article. Interesting.

My oldest son used the word "retard" today, despite the fact he knows I hate that word. We had yet another talk about that word and how he would feel if someone said that about his brother. He actually got tears in his eyes b/c he really loves his little brother. Hope it sunk in....

[joensally]

I really don't think this about being "PC."

I don't think the objection is to "retardation" written in the diagnosis box, or to the term "retardant" used in machinery contexts.

There is no context in which "retard" can be used to describe a person in vernacular or conversation where it's not derogatory and intended as such, with the exception of perhaps very senior or sheltered people who actually had a lived experience where that was the correct term for someone with a developmental delay.

[preemiemamarach]

see, I think it should be taken out of the medical lexicon as well. The term 'habitual aborter' is still taught in some medical and nursing schools (including mine) to describe a patient who has suffered multiple miscarriages. The image that conjures up, however, is incredibly hurtful to the women it describes.

[BookGoddess]

Originally Posted by preemiemamarach

see, I think it should be taken out of the medical lexicon as well. The term 'habitual aborter' is still taught in some medical and nursing schools (including mine) to describe a patient who has suffered multiple miscarriages. The image that conjures up, however, is incredibly hurtful to the women it describes.

The term "Incompetent cervix" is another term that should be removed from the medical lexicon. I've never understood why it was applied to a cervix. You certainly don't hear of an incompetent heart or an incompetent prostate gland.

[nigellas]

Originally Posted by AnalogWife

I'm shocked, still, to think others might be referring to my developmentally-delayed and poss. ASD son as "retarded." If I received an email titled "retarded grandparents" I might think it was indelicate wording...but I've yet to think of using it for my DS. I found that surprising, that Autism = "Retarded", I wasn't aware.

I don't think it does mean that. My son has ASD, he is not MR, HOWEVER - I have found myself much, much more sensitive to the "R" word. Just the other day my coworker said "Gosh, that customer is being so Special Needs." Another friend on a different day made some "joke" about someone coming off the short bus. My son is not MR, but he IS special needs. He could take "the short bus" if I didn't insist on driving him to school every day. Just because one hurtful specific word doesn't actually apply to him, I feel it's sting because it's on the same wave length as the other ones that do.