A Question for Quiverfull Mamas

[Hopesmommy]

DH and I are finally leaning toward letting God control our fertility.
We've had four children so far. The first one seems mostly healthy, the second has a genetic condition, the third died due to same genetic condition and the fourth is only 7 months old, but seems healthy.

The odds of having another child with this genetic condition may be 1 in 4, or as much as 100% (meaning that our healthy children still have the disease, but may be mildly affected). We don't have all of our genetic answers yet.

If you were us, and you believed the QF philosophy, what would you do? Would you continue to have children or stop? Why?

[anj_rn]

I think it would depend on the genetic condition. Something like Tay-Sachs that caused a horrid painful death, I would absolutely not have more children. Other conditions, I just do not know. As I am not in the situation, I think it would be easy to say I would absolutely continue having children, but in reality I am not sure. My daughter is 10 months old and requires a high level of care for her special needs (anoxic brain injury, tracheostomy, g-tube). At this time, I feel it would be unfair to her, my DS, my DH, and any future children to try and have more children. Her needs are just so great, I would not have the time to give the children that they so awesomely need.

So I do not have an answer for you. I think you have to be obedient to what you feel G-d is leading you to. In my case, I thin G-d gave me a tremendous responsibility in caring and nurturing my DS and DD, so I am focusing on that.

[cappuccinosmom]

If you were us, and you believed the QF philosophy, what would you do? Would you continue to have children or stop? Why?

Continue, and pray.

I don't say that flippantly. I know that you are facing a very tough decision either way.

Why?

Firstly, because for us it's a matter of obedience.

Second, because we belief that life, no matter how short, or how disabled, is valuable and purposeful in God's eyes. And we have seen so many, many times the impact of a single tiny life on many others, even though it lasted a very short time.

Third, because if we do trust God with this, then we trust him all the way. Sometimes that means we go through stuff we wouldn't choose and stuff that's hard, and other times that means we see his provision worked out in amazing ways in our life. In our case, we had a molar pregnancy this fall. The doctors have been *very* insistant about no pregnancies for at least 6 months after my hormones went to normal (and that was about 3 months after the d&c). Dh and I do not use birth control. But this is the amazing part: Before I concieved, dh had been feeling pushed very hard in his heart that he needed to go back to his home country. He hadn't been back in 7 years and had many things to take care of there. He left, and I found out a week later I was pregnant. He will be gone a year, through the whole time we are not supposed to concieve. As horrible as the loss was, as sad as missing dh is, as inconvenient as his departure was for all of us, we see God's providence in this. He placed me in the best possible situation to deal with the miscarriage (surrounded by my loving family, two of whom are doctors, and who have the capacity to help me with my children more than dh would have with his working 60+ hours per week) and made provision for us to follow doctor's advice without breaking our convictions. That is how it works sometimes, and it is truly amazing to be watching this happen in our lives. Other times, it is not so clear when we're walking through difficulties, but looking back I can *always* see how God has provided every time he's blessed, even though it wasn't in the ways we might have expected.

[cappuccinosmom]

I've been thinking, and I should add this:

All of that is *only* dh's and my personal views/convictions. I don't want you to look at what I wrote as trying to argue you into our way of thinking. Just a "testimony", so to speak, of how QF can look when times are tough and human wisdom says "Break out the Pill! You need to stop!" You need to be wholly convinced in your own mind, or there will be no peace, no matter what decision is made.

[DariusMom]

I'm not quiverfull. I accidentally clicked on this link! But I couldn't read and not post. I'm so sorry for your losses and the grief your family has experienced.

I wish you peace and strength in your faith.

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

I've been thinking, and I should add this:

All of that is *only* dh's and my personal views/convictions. I don't want you to look at what I wrote as trying to argue you into our way of thinking. Just a "testimony", so to speak, of how QF can look when times are tough and human wisdom says "Break out the Pill! You need to stop!" You need to be wholly convinced in your own mind, or there will be no peace, no matter what decision is made.

As usual, you hit the nail on the head, Cappuccinosmom! I agree that the best response is to pray on the subject, consult wise counsel, trust in the Lord's providence, and be convicted in your mind and heart. I've recently suffered from 3 back to back m/cs, and am nervous about conceiving again when my DH returns from his deployment; however, I know in my heart that God wants the best for me and will reveal His plan in due time if I am trusting and faithful. I need not fear if I am prayerful and open to His love.

Anyhow, HTH, and I will pray for you, your family, and the decisions you must make.

Take care,

[cappuccinosmom]

Tabitha

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by Hopesmommy

DH and I are finally leaning toward letting God control our fertility.
We've had four children so far. The first one seems mostly healthy, the second has a genetic condition, the third died due to same genetic condition and the fourth is only 7 months old, but seems healthy.

The odds of having another child with this genetic condition may be 1 in 4, or as much as 100% (meaning that our healthy children still have the disease, but may be mildly affected). We don't have all of our genetic answers yet.

If you were us, and you believed the QF philosophy, what would you do? Would you continue to have children or stop? Why?

I am not QF, but I just wanted to give you some support. What you are going through is terrible.

But because of my not QF belief I wanted to pose another thought. Is the belief in the movement that when God wants you to have no more children that he will make either you or your husband sterile? I wonder, could his message be in his teaching? Maybe giving you these children with these high needs is your sign? I don't mean disrespect, but I wonder sometimes that we take things to literal. Waiting for this big sign when maybe God is handing out little speed bumps in life.

Anways, it just another though from the other side of the fence ( I might not be QF, but my husband and I do not practice any type of birth control other than abstinence. For my family, the hormone pills do not work and condoms bother me. ) and I wish you nothing but peace and health to your family and you.

[TzippityDoulah]

I think it's super important NOT to think of this QF thing as a "movement". though it may be outwardly a growing trend - never should it be thought of that way. See? the QF lifestyle or the closely related NFP lifestyle are supposed to be convictions given by God... ALONE. not convictions handed over by other people.

you need to pray on yur knees for an answer from God. but if you ask people you will find you will only be swayed back and forth. logically you could excuse not having more kids. spiritually you could rationalize having more. but that's not important - it's about total obedience. and sometimes the only way to find that out is by looking only to God and shutting out all other well meaning advice for a time.

This is a subject very dear my heart as I have 2 special needs kids and i have VERY sick with liver problems during pregnancy that make me bedridden for a good portion and rather useless the other part of the time! I asked other's want to think. trying to justify having or not having more. if I do have more people will give me a hard time. if I don't have more i feel guilty for bucking the QF label ---- and then that's when it hit me. I was more worried about shirking my responsiblities to a "movement" than I was truly seeking God on an individual basis.

I wont tell you want I think you should do. because I don't know. only God does. and if you seek him wholeheartedly you will make the right choice. God is good and heloves his children.

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

I think it's super important NOT to think of this QF thing as a "movement". though it may be outwardly a growing trend - never should it be thought of that way. See? the QF lifestyle or the closely related NFP lifestyle are supposed to be convictions given by God... ALONE. not convictions handed over by other people.

you need to pray on yur knees for an answer from God. but if you ask people you will find you will only be swayed back and forth. logically you could excuse not having more kids. spiritually you could rationalize having more. but that's not important - it's about total obedience. and sometimes the only way to find that out is by looking only to God and shutting out all other well meaning advice for a time.

This is a subject very dear my heart as I have 2 special needs kids and i have VERY sick with liver problems during pregnancy that make me bedridden for a good portion and rather useless the other part of the time! I asked other's want to think. trying to justify having or not having more. if I do have more people will give me a hard time. if I don't have more i feel guilty for bucking the QF label ---- and then that's when it hit me. I was more worried about shirking my responsiblities to a "movement" than I was truly seeking God on an individual basis.

I wont tell you want I think you should do. because I don't know. only God does. and if you seek him wholeheartedly you will make the right choice. God is good and heloves his children.

I didn't mean to come off condescending. Please forgive my fevered brain ( I have the flu).

I like your statement. A lot.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

I didn't mean to come off condescending. Please forgive my fevered brain ( I have the flu).

I like your statement. A lot.

oh i didn't mean to direct my comment to you! sorry about that! i actually was just speaking from my own experience - but i could totally see how it seemed otherwise