Losing my marbles

[~Katie~]

I've posted in the Sleep Deprived Mamas Support Thread but I wanted to make my own thread and hopefully get some suggestions.

My DD is a horrible sleeper. Well more like a non-sleeper. The last 3 days have been the worst. Starting around 3-4 months she started night waking every hour, and then wanting to wake up around 3am and stay up for several (3-4) hours before going back to sleep. She starts the day typically after sleeping for another hour or so. Well now instead of going back to sleep, she's fully awake and ready to start the day at 3am. She is an exceptionally happy baby otherwise but her exuberance leads to restlessness.

I was not prepared for this lack of sleep with my DS. He was a really unhappy baby for the first 6 months or so but slept very well. He did night-wake but always nursed back to sleep, she on the other hand is just ready to party. We have co-slept in some form or another since birth, she and DS have a bedtime routine and typical bedtime is 7pm, though for the last few days she's pushed it back to 9. I've tried drinking chamomile, I treat the teething pain, I'm not sure what else to do.

At this point I can't even function on the lack of sleep, I drink more caffeine than I probably should just to stay awake. My only opportunity to take a nap is when she takes her nap in the morning, but I feel horrible dozing on the couch when DS is awake. She has really only napped once a day for the last two months or so, sometimes more if we're driving somewhere. My eye twitches from the lack of sleep, and did I mention I also have insomnia? I don't have any family nearby and even if I did they wouldn't help me, and just moved into a new neighborhood full of people with small children who are most likely dealing with the exact same thing, so no help there. I keep telling myself only 2 months or so left to go until I have someone to co-parent again, but I really need some suggestions to help both of us get some sleep now.

[lotus.blossom]

Its kind of like the blind leading the blind here but have you tried swaddling her when she wakes at 3am? I have had some success with swaddling with lil G. I think it helps him calm his body and give in to the sleepiness. Or maybe include some sort of mellow music in her beditme routine that you can use in the early hours when you want her to fall back asleep.
That worked with my DS1. He HATED the car and would scream everytime. I started playing this one cd and eventually when he heard the first song start up he would fall asleep everytime. Its an association.

Goodluck mama! Its no time at all till your hubby will be home!

[LadyCatherine185]

from another Catie with a son named Liam!

From your sig, it looks like your DD is about 8 months old? Just wanted to say that was our worst time for sleep around here. It got better around 9-9.5 months. Not good, as he still wakes every hour or so now at 17 months.. but bearable somewhat.

Have you read No Cry Sleep Solution and SLeepless in America? Those are both great resources.

Also, when she wakes at 3, what do you usually do? Have you tried not engaging her? Keeping it quiet/dark? Maybe an earlier bedtime, like 6 PM?

[~Katie~]

Last night I put the co-sleeper back together and put her down in there around 9. She woke up around midnight and slept in 2 hour increments before starting the day around 5am. She let me rock her back to sleep which is a plus. So 2 hours is better than nothing I suppose. I'm considering whether it's too stimulating for her to be in the same sleep space but we don't own a crib.

I thought about the swaddling, I never had to swaddle her for the first few months because she slept so well. Since then it's just been one looooong sleep regression. Is it still okay to swaddle at 8 months? We do have a white noise machine that plays several different sounds (thank you for that purchase, MIL!) it works okay for naptime but not for the middle of the night wakings.

I've read both books from dealing with sleep regressions with DS, at least the one consolation I had with him was knowing that we'd at least get a break in-between. Not so much with her. The biggest problem is trying to apply those principles to a baby who is wide awake and in no mood to relax. She goes to bed fairly easily most of the time. Her bedtime for a long time was 6:30 or so.

When she wakes up she'll crawl around jumping on me and hanging on to the headboard. I try to get her to lay next to me so I can pat her back but she will push herself up. I have a hard time staying awake when she is awake, and the noise she makes will wake DS up so I sometimes bring her downstairs. Trying to get her to go back to sleep at that point is a lost cause. It's almost like she takes a nap at night but doesn't settle into a normal sleep pattern.

[LadyCatherine185]

I'm glad you had a good night last night! Maybe it is too stimulating for her to be in your bed. Have you tried putting a mattress on the floor for her, since you don't have a crib?

My DS has done the middle of the night party thing when he is about to pop a tooth.. He never would settle back down either, he'd wake up and just cry because he couldn't go back to sleep.. I would end up getting up with him for a couple hours and then going back to sleep later.

How are her naps during the day? Could she possibly be just way overtired that she can't sleep? I know with my DS, the later he goes to bed, the earlier he is up. Yesterday it was 4:30 AM.

Is she getting ready to start walking? Once my DS started walking, his sleeping got better for a little while. Until he started cutting molars around 12 months, and we haven't seen good (good as in, 2-3 hour stretches....) sleep since. We also have allergy issues we are working through, and I'm hoping that will help with his sleeping as well.

Does your DD have any allergy or reflux symptoms?

Also, how much caffiene are you drinking? I know if I drink any later than 1 Pm I can't sleep and neither can DS.

[~Katie~]

I didn't think of bringing the mattress in. There's a twin bed in the room across the hall from me that will be her's when she's old enough so I can use the mattress from that.

She doesn't have any teeth yet, she's been showing teething signs for months and seems to be the slowest teether in the world. She has a tooth right at the brink of coming through but it's been that way for a month. She is just barely pulling up on things so walking is a way's off, she started crawling a little over a month ago.

She'll nap for 2-2 1/2 hours during the day, if we end up going somewhere in the afternoon she'll nap to and from usually. My DS has a milk allergy for sure that started around 25 months and the eczema and diarrhea to go with it, I have pretty much been dairy and soy free since he was born and started having trouble with those things.

I rely very heavily on caffeine to stay awake, but I've heard differing advice on how it is absorbed and processed by the baby compared to adults.

[sahmmie]

I'd really consider the possibility that she is effected by the caffeine you are drinking. Also you may want to experiment with her nap time. I had a super early riser (4 am most days) and found that making sure he never napped past 3 p.m. helped with the early waking.

[mommajb]

Katie This is so hard and you are alone. I agree with some of the pp.

You might try regulating your own caffeine. Perhaps a certain # of cups per day and only between certain hours. I can cut from two pots per day down to two cups almost instantly without withdrawal symptoms. (yes, pots ) I think until you are down to 2ish cups per day and only in the morning you are unlikely to be able to see many changes in Laine. What you may be able to do is relax (physiologically speaking) and sleep better yourself when you do get the chance.

Do not worry about napping on the couch during her nap if Liam is safe. He will be better off with a more well rested momma.

Then pulling from NCSS I would try to charting her sleep (remember not every night, maybe weekly) to get an idea of her sleep and a to-bed routine.

I know this isn't very mdc but my next step would be to find a sleep pattern that works for me and encourage it in her. At her age and pattern I would say an afternoon nap and bedtime sleep hoping for a 3-5 hour stretch and 2+ hours otherwise. She may need more space so the mattress is a great idea. I am sure you have thought about sleepers/blankets/heat/white noise/fans etc. I am a fan of sleepers and box fans with the thermostat set at 64F or so. The box fan was our white noise. I do believe that sleep begets relaxation which begets sleep. Her noon nap is important for her evening routine and it might need to be a priority over going places for a couple of weeks.

Our routine has been lunch, clean up, 3 books, nursing and nap. Evening is dinner, clean up, bath, 3 books, nursing and nap. After time head nods will almost always begin at 2.75 books completed.

She needs her sleep for growth and you need it for sanity. I don't do cry it out but I do take control of situations. This is one that seems to have spiraled out on you. I feel like I have only told you what you already know. I wasn't help Linus sleep without any crying but there was minimal amounts, I parented him through it rather than leaving him, and results were pretty quick so I wasn't tested over the long haul. Having a plan and believing I was helping him (big picture) made the fussing he presented something I could tolerate.

[*jeanine*]

Katie,
No advice for night-time, but do try and nap. I'm not usually a tv-as-babysitter person, but if you can put a video on for Liam while you afternoon nap, it might help. When ds was just-turned three, and I was pg with dd1 and her twin, I was super-exhausted. DS was STTN, and I was sleeping soundly from 9 pm to 9 am, but was still soooo tired I could barely make it till past noon to nap. I would put a video on for him so he was reasonably occupied and safe so I could nap. Something to consider...

[~Katie~]

Thanks so much, JB I'm going to use your advice. I think you're right that I've kind of just gone along with it and it got away from me, I didn't know how to change things but now that I have some tools I'm going to try and turn things around.

I set the twin bed up next to my bed and she's taking a nap there right now, she fought with me a bit but I was able to get her down after we finished up lunch. Hopefully if she naps enough during the day and has a consistent bedtime routine she'll be more likely to sleep better at night and not feel the need to get up so early.

I know that I should get sleep when I can, but I feel like my alone time with Liam is already so limited. I'm just trying to figure out how to divide up my time so that everybody has their needs met and I'm not a crazy person. You'd think I would have figured that out in the last 9 months but my kids have other ideas.

[mommajb]

First off, you may not be as sleep deprived as you think if you can decifer my last post.

Alone time with a cranky, tired momma is not the goal. Liam feeling special and knowing you love him no matter what might be.

His needs are getting met and will get met. Laine's needs get met. What about Katie? This is an incredibly rough time, maybe you need to speak up for yourself? I almost never ask for help despite losing my marbles and it is ugly and wrong of me. Andrew will be home soon but that will be its own adjustment.

I am really thinking about you and wish I could help or send Ian and Linus over to play with Liam while you napped this afternoon. ( Ian is putting Linus down for me. It takes twice as long but all-in-all I get more time this way. )

[~Katie~]

Andrew's best friend came home in November and was coming by to spend time with Liam, so that was a huge help. He had reconstructive surgery on his face last week (like metal plates and all of that) so he's out of commission for a while. I think all of stress is coming to a head, we have been through the entire spectrum of human emotion and knowing that the world is about to be lifted off my shoulders is definitely it's own adjustment. I'm not looking at the big picture and just doing things minute by minute doesn't help the baby who needs a routine, so I think if we can figure out a routine that works for everyone the adjustment will be easier as well. I know I will be a better mother if I can turn things around and get us back on track. Thank you again, you are always so wise.

[Tuesday]

Oh, I feel for you. I have no new advice as you've been given a lot of wise suggestions.

Both my babies were horrible sleeper and the first one - ugh - he would wake every 15-30 minutes. My husband was home but he worked nights so I was on my own in many ways.

You mentioned your twitching eye - ugh - poor thing - the same thing happened to me. That was always the sign I had was seriously seriously deprived of sleep - the ole twitchin' eye. Sigh. I feel for you.

All I can say is that this too shall soon pass. You'll make it through this rough spell - honestly. I hope you get some sleep soon.