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Originally Posted by Seie
 Loveohm: The artist does sound a bit like he has a few red flags waving over his head - at least the way you describe him. I would be concerned that you don't feel you can share your emotions with him. It sounds to me like he is emotionally distant and expecting you to walk miles for him without taking a single step. I understand why you are cautious to allow him to connect with your dd. I really think you need to voice all your concerns with him and see how he reacts to them. If he freaks, then he would have eventually anyway - maybe not until you HAD introduced him to your DD and things had developed further. But now would be a better time for it kwim. I totally get why you think I am moving fast with Manager - but the no one reason we are moving fast is that we are both VERY open about anything at all that goes on in our heads. I feel like I could tell him pretty much anything and he would give me a kind and honest response. So well from where I am standing it seems that your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong here - and probably it is telling you so because you don't feel you can trust him with your concerns and your feelings. That is a red flag to me. |
That said, I think my dating the Artist and caring for him this deeply helped uncover that I was truly impacted by the betrayal of my ex. I made a conscious effort to heal from many things my ex did but I never acknowledged the trust issues that his affair and constant lies would have on future relationships because since then I have only dated men who liked me more than I like them...... this gave me an emotionally advantage. I knew they knew they were lucky to have me...... the Artist and I seem more on even ground which makes me feel more emotionally vulnerable. We will have to have a conversation so I can share my feelings but some of those items are truly issues from my past creeping up. In example my ex (dd's dad) and I dated for 5 years and I never met any member of my ex's family which I was 90% okay with, the Artist and I have only known each other 3 months, I have met three siblings but feel sensitive to not having met his mom yet....
I told him from the beginning that I needed to move slowly which I truly feel is best since like Holland in the past I always jumped completely in with an idea of the person vs. knowing them and them knowing me fully. A huge challenge in moving slowly is that I don't know how to move slowly or how to "date" since I never have done that I have always just been in a relationship if that makes sense. You raise a good point though Seie I do think a chat is in order I just have to wrap my mind around what really needs to be discussed with him and what I need to work on myself.
I get you moving quickly with the manager is in part because you two are very open my concern is not really the kids or your emotions but if you are still working on healing from your past or is the manager a bandaid for that hurt. Either way is fine in my book but I would urge you to heal because if you really like the manager you would not want the hurt from your ex creeping in like mine is....... and I spent 2+ years healing and thought I was good. I am not saying you are moving too fast (I used to date in similar fashion) but that for me I now better see why I personally need to take things a bit slower. Hope that makes sense.
soon, it helps to be in a group to complete it though..... I would suggest doing task that don't require writing if you don't like writing, I take the artist date with my daughter BUT make the morning pages a priority! I hate my handwriting, and there have been several days where I write "I hate writing morning pages" for two pages before something else magically appears on the page.
) I did my work with Julia Cameron before becoming single. But her basic spiritual message was one I had to draw from *heavily* during the crisis year after my marriage failed. "Leap and the net will appear" is a strange but true spiritual principal. I could not see ground ahead of me, but each time I took a step into what felt like vacant space, there was always ground under my feet. It felt like each day was a new "leap" with its own little safety net always provided. A book that also guided me through that was Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart.
) for hard times, or any time. I 
And if I have a sitter and just want fun why not hang with my single childless girlfriends who never get to see me child-free anymore where I know I'll have a good time.
