I am feeling numb, and I'm so glad to have found this thread. I knew with #2 (during pregnancy, and not knowing or caring about the baby's sex until birth) that I was DONE. I felt complete and fulfilled. I still feel that way. I adore my two kids- 5 and 2. They are my life.
DH and I are another story. We're definitely rocky, yet committed, although definitely not happy. And in the back of my mind, somewhere was the faint countdown of 16 more years. Then, freedom from him- though I truly wish I didn't FEEL this way.
In Aug. my cycle came back, and it's been funky, not yet regulated. Which is why I thought that, giving it roughly a month, when it didn't come in late Jan., it was just another funky month. But the past few days I've felt a bit of nausea. I thought surely I was feeling sympathy pains for my sister, who I keep hoping becomes pregnant soon!
Today I bought a pregnancy test. I was absolutely dumbfounded when it showed positive. So I told dh the test didn't work and bought another one. Positive again. Dh is sleeping so he doesn't know yet- and I'm not even sure I want to tell him, considering I'm seriously grieving this and he'll be so happy and non-supportive of my feelings.
I absolutely believe things turn out the way they are meant to, but right now I'm just so sad. This is one area where I was trying to avoid and I think we dtd maybe once this month. And I was sure that it was no where near a fertile window.
I hate that I keep wishing this wasn't so, or that something else was causing the positive results.
I'm still in denial as well, and plan to get a blood test tomorrow to be sure.
I'm glad to have found this thread, bc like others who've posted here, I really need the support and validation of my feelings.