Wasn't planning on a #3! - Page 2

[at_the_hip]

Yes, going from 1 to 2 was the toughest transition for me by far! The next two were a breeze.

[starkyld]

It sounds like a challenging situation. If I were in your position, I think I'd terminate, but it's hard to know. We're also Brooklyn dwellers and are planning on stopping our family at two children (I'm more open to the idea of a third than my husband is), so I think I have a sense of where you're coming from even though I still haven't given birth to my first child.

You might want to consider scheduling an appointment with Planned Parenthood for options counseling so that you'll have a better opportunity to come to terms with whatever decision you do make. I volunteer with PPNYC (with the education/political wings, not in any of the clinics) and I know that the staff members & volunteers at the Sanger clinic are great. They'll help you sort through your options and can offer support in a number of ways.

[seekingtruth]

I am feeling numb, and I'm so glad to have found this thread. I knew with #2 (during pregnancy, and not knowing or caring about the baby's sex until birth) that I was DONE. I felt complete and fulfilled. I still feel that way. I adore my two kids- 5 and 2. They are my life.
DH and I are another story. We're definitely rocky, yet committed, although definitely not happy. And in the back of my mind, somewhere was the faint countdown of 16 more years. Then, freedom from him- though I truly wish I didn't FEEL this way.
In Aug. my cycle came back, and it's been funky, not yet regulated. Which is why I thought that, giving it roughly a month, when it didn't come in late Jan., it was just another funky month. But the past few days I've felt a bit of nausea. I thought surely I was feeling sympathy pains for my sister, who I keep hoping becomes pregnant soon!
Today I bought a pregnancy test. I was absolutely dumbfounded when it showed positive. So I told dh the test didn't work and bought another one. Positive again. Dh is sleeping so he doesn't know yet- and I'm not even sure I want to tell him, considering I'm seriously grieving this and he'll be so happy and non-supportive of my feelings.
I absolutely believe things turn out the way they are meant to, but right now I'm just so sad. This is one area where I was trying to avoid and I think we dtd maybe once this month. And I was sure that it was no where near a fertile window.
I hate that I keep wishing this wasn't so, or that something else was causing the positive results.
I'm still in denial as well, and plan to get a blood test tomorrow to be sure.
I'm glad to have found this thread, bc like others who've posted here, I really need the support and validation of my feelings.

[Dolphin]

to you seeking...I so feel for you right now. I know that feeling of sadness and regret that you're feeling - at least I think I do. We are here for you through this, whatever happens.

[4Blessings]

Originally Posted by jenveg618

Thanks everyone! I'm still in the "figuring it all out" phase, and this is very helpful to hear others talk about their own experiences.

The other thing is, I have a pretty rough time during the 1st tri and I'm a little nervous about feeling so crappy with 2 kids to take care of. I honestly admire anyone who has been able to go through this.

It seems like there are a few of us in very similar situations; maybe we could even form a little buddy group on here. If I do end up sticking around on the pregnancy forum, I could really use the support.

*I* would choose a trimester of feeling crappy over a lifetime of regret. I hope that you are able to take a look at not only the short term but the long term implications of adding to your family.

Good luck to you!

[kalamos23]

DD was unplanned. While she was our first, and we *were* planning on having children eventually, DH had/s a lot of college debt and had just graduated and gotten a job a few months before we found out we were pregnant. We had planned to wait for 1.5 years to pay off some of the debt since we had 2 incomes, but then came DD.

I have to say, I spent the whole first tri really not wanting to be pregnant. I was horribly morning sick and then got the bad influenza at week 12 and it just sucked overall. Plus, I was still working fulltime watching a 9mo and a 18mo and that was rough.

Anyway - I could not imagine life without her now. She seriously is one of the highest need kids I have ever met but she is also so highly rewarding and affectionate. DH has become a softer, more gentle guy (which is something - DH is your typical redneck). Everything will work out either way - I hope you find peace in your decision. *hugs*

[honeybee]

I know our society has certain expectations for how things "should" be in terms of number of kids, space for each kid, etc. But really, we're all just really spoiled in this country and time period. People used to live in much more crowded quarters... and most people in other parts of the world still do.

We have 3 boys, with #4 on the way. We do have three bedrooms, but one is being used as an office, so we basically just use the two... we have plans to put a bunk bed in the kids' room... a double bunk on the bottom, and a twin on top, although right now everyone is still in our room! There are ways to save space. Your kids will be little for awhile; I don't think you'll really need to worry about more space for a few years. Did you read the Mothering article about living in a small house a couple months back? It could be inspiring. I don't think you need to worry about whether you need to move or have the money to do so. Circumstances could completely change in a few years, and then the right choice will be much more obvious to you.

It's always hard to think about supplanting the baby of the household with a new baby... I always have trouble with this. I get a little misty thinking of my poor baby not being the baby anymore. But I am always amazed at how much the baby grows up during the pregnancy. Nine months makes a huge difference. My boys are 28 and 29 months apart. It is a great age gap. My boys are best friends, and they play together so well.

It can be so hard to wrap your head around big changes, especially when you had a terrific plan about how your life would be!