My insensitive comment

[karne]

I feel like I made the most boneheaded comment this morning, and I am just beating myself up here. DD has a significant LD, and this has been a huge year of not very easy growth for her in terms of academic expectations. She had a major victory in completing an assignment last night, and showed it to me this am. I said something to the effect of "How wonderful! And once you do XYZ you'll really be on the mark with your work". I heard the words coming out of my mouth, and it was like another person was saying them. I couldn't BELIEVE I said that to her!

Stupid, stupid. I watched her face fall, and part of her just move inside herself. Why, oh why, couldn't I stay in the moment? I think it's because I am so scared for the future, and this is my absolutely wrong way of putting that out onto her. I could just cry. We can talk, and I will apologize, but I can't take it back.

Boy, do I feel badly.

[daytripper75]

Aww. It's so hard to make mistakes like that. Please do try to forgive yourself. No one is perfect and we all say the wrong thing from time to time.
Hang in there!

[KatWrangler]

Hold her close and tell her you are sorry.

I know it happens. I catch myself walking too fast with Gabrielle then telling her to hurry up. She wears braces on both legs, I know she is doing the best she can. I feel like such a bad person for telling her that.

[mrsfru]

You aren't the first momma to say something kind of dumb, and you won't be the last!

Apologize and give her an explanation--tell her you are sooo proud of how she did the assignment and that you didn't mean to make her feel like her efforts weren't good enough, b/c of course they are! Let her know that you are excited to see how well you know she'll get the next assignment, too, b/c she got this one and that is where your comment came from--you didn't intend for it sound like you meant these efforts weren't good enough, just that you are excited to see where her new skills take her. *That* is something to be proud of! Sometimes things don't come out exactly as we mean for them to, and our fears for their future can get the best of us!

HUGS

mrsfru

[karne]

OK-thanks everyone. I took a deep breath, and hugged my child, and celebrated her accomplishment. The future will be there, but this victory was for celebrating today. Thanks for the quick feedback all-I needed it!

[Surfacing]

[MamaKath]

Big hugs!!! I have days like that with my sn kid and my nt kid and I beat myself up afterward. Beating yourself up won't help. Talking about it, apologizing, and making a concerted effort to practice other reactions will help. Hang in there Mama!

[karne]

Originally Posted by MamaKath

Beating yourself up won't help. Talking about it, apologizing, and making a concerted effort to practice other reactions will help. Hang in there Mama!

I do beat myself up. I think that I feel it more acutely when I mess up with my child who has LD's, and truly struggles in some areas. This year has had many challenges, and her gains are hard won. It is a no brainer that the steps toward good self esteem that come with that are as important as the actual work. Why then, do I stick my foot in my mouth and be the one to diminish, instead of build up? We have a super strong relationship, thank goodness, but I wonder if all my efforts toward not having those insensitive moments are enough?

Sigh. Rambling. This is a journey.

[TzippityDoulah]

((hugs)) btdt! kids are so very forgiving!