Getting nervous

[Valerieg]

I must admit, there are definitely still days I'm in denial, and I fear that I won't totally wrap my head around the fact that I'm having two babies until I do, in fact, have two babies.

But I'm beginning to get nervous! I'll be 36 weeks this week and I know that the end is drawing near. Even if I make it until my EDD, which would be fine with me, that's still only a month away! That's soooooo close!

I probably shouldn't have read the posts from our most recent new mommies. But, curiosity got the best of me, and I'm a little nervous about what those early days hold for me. They certainly don't sound fun! And with two small children currently battling colds and ear infections, I'm not sleeping much as it is, I'm so nervous about being a walking zombie or even falling asleep with all the kids around me! My two year old DS could likely cause great harm to two small infants.

So, I'm gearing up. I know it's coming. But I just wanted to voice how nervous I am. Was anyone totally accepting? Not in denial? Prepared? I just don't know how to get to that place.

[Intertwined]

I was petrified. And I won't lie, it was really REALLY hard.

BUT! It wasn't as hard as I had imagined it to be when I thought about the actual logistics of 3 older children, a 17 month old, and newborn twins. I made some changes to help: we sent my oldest to public school instead of home schooling, I made a "baby safe" room once they were moving, I only cloth diapered when I could manage to keep up with the laundry so the babies were in sposies more than I'd have liked, and I kept my expectations on what was "clean" very very low (still do, and my twins are 20 months old).

The sleep deprivation was by far the worst so if someone offers help TAKE THEM UP ON IT!!!! Napping comes before eating, showering, and cleaning. Period. It is your highest priority (unless you are so grungy that showering would refresh you as much as a nap ). For me personally, once we passed the 8 week hump, getting up every morning, getting a very quick shower, brushing my teeth and hair, and putting on "real" clothes (yoga pants and a clean tshirt) DID help to make me feel more normal.

You'll find your way. It's challenging, for sure, but you CAN do it!

[attached2mason]

Valerie, I am beginning to feel the same way and I'm only 24 weeks. By the time I get to where you're at I will be downright petrified I think .

I haven't decided if it is wise to read the new MoM threads while pg so that we can prepare ourselves or if it would be wiser to avoid them altogether. Either way, all I know is that before too long it will be me posting "How did you do this?!" .

I'll be thinking of you, Valerie, and hoping that by some miracle you are pleasantly surprised with less strain than you are expecting

[dividedsky]

mine are 1, and i still can't believe i have twins

[RSG]

I'm so glad to know someone else is feeling this way... I keep reading about what the first few weeks are like and I'm freaking out! I guess I was really hoping that having the babies out would be be easier than the last few weeks of a twin pregnancy (let's just say I'm miserable and leave it at that). My fantasy was that being up with two cute babies would be better than not sleeping because of all these other annoying issues.

[daisie31]

I wasn't afraid but I was dreading it for sure. The first few weeks were magical and easy but mine were a month early and slept all the time. Not sure how that will go for you. Sometimes it's worse than I imagined it would be and sometimes it's not as bad. Just hang in there and enjoy the last of your pg.

Dena

[MamaChicken]

You have every reason to nervous, you life is about to change forever! You will cry, wondering how you will ever survive, when you will ever get sleep again. But take heart, the time will fly by and before you know it they will be sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, feeding themselves...

And you will wonder were the time went.

It will be a wonderful journey, mama. Enjoy!

[Intertwined]

Originally Posted by RSG

I'm so glad to know someone else is feeling this way... I keep reading about what the first few weeks are like and I'm freaking out! I guess I was really hoping that having the babies out would be be easier than the last few weeks of a twin pregnancy (let's just say I'm miserable and leave it at that). My fantasy was that being up with two cute babies would be better than not sleeping because of all these other annoying issues.

My DARLING daughter is in time out next to me for clobbering her brother and she just deleted my entire response! ARG!

What I said was: this was completely the case for me. While pregnant there was so much tossing and turning. Numb arms, numb hips, frequent pee trips, heart burn, wiggly babies, etc. When they came while I might have been getting less sleep (or possibly NOT!) at least when I could lay down I was actually restful. Take heart!

[verycozy]

I absolutely agree that having twin newborns is better than those last few weeks of being pregnant with twins (and I only made it until 36 weeks).

They're 3 m/o now and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Sleep deprivation is less of an issue than it was with my singleton--I guess I'm used to it? I've certainly thrown a few pity parties, and it's definitely overwhelming not to be able to give everybody what they need all the time, but most of the time it's fine. A bit tedious (nurse, nurse, nurse, rock, bounce, change, blah blah) but tedium isn't the worst thing in the world. We've had a few really rotten days but most days are just busy, not bad.

I think it's great that you're brave enough to read the "new twin mom" posts here. Come up with a battle plan now while it isn't so stressful. Where will your husband/partner sleep? Who will drop off meals? Buy swaddling wraps, a swing, and some mylicon gas drops, and whatever else the moms have recommended.

Good luck!

[Freeman]

.....

[Freeman]

Hi Valerie! My twins are on the outside now, and physically, I mostly just feel better - insomnia is gone (of course, now I don't have much time to sleep, but when I do have the time, I have no problem falling asleep!), the cholestasis and accompanied itching are gone, the heartburn is gone, and I can now bend over and tie shoes without any problems! So, those are all good things.

That said, to me, what is hardest about it is having 2 older children with their own needs thrown into the mix and the anxieties that accompany the financial ramifications and logistical nightmares of having 4 kids .... how will I find child care that works for everyone that allows going back to work part-time a financially sound & profitable option? How will I possibly have the energy and patience to take all 4 of them somewhere at once? How will I manage to prepare each one for school? How to maintain naps yet pile everyone into the car and pick my older one up from school? How will I manage to maintain my SANITY?

To be totally honest, I was not convinced that having 3 children was a smart things for us to do, and I NEVER EVER would have had 4 by choice - I am (was) just not cut out for it and never wanted it. 3 sounded possibly do-able, yet 4 sounded insurmountable and like a total zoo. But now here I am, with 4, and it still seems surreal to me. I spent a lot of the pregnancy imagining the worst and being unhappy about the fact that I was having twins -- sounds terrible, I know, but that's what I felt. Now that I am actually doing it, I have to say that the day-to-day is not as bad as what I imagined (so far, but I do have help!). If you can tandem nurse, it's really not much different from nursing one, time-wise. AFA sleep deprivation, I was already used to getting by on little sleep due to pg insomnia. Still, the future financial effects and effects on my emotional health (and not having any time for peace and quiet for me) scare me, as do the potential effects on my relatinship with DH. I mourn the loss of being able to travel and be independent. However, I dwelled on these issues before they were born, so that hasn't changed. I guess what I'm saying is that the little picture of the day-to-day (changing, feeding) isn't bad, but the bigger picture of having 4 kids (twins ir not) really scares me, but mostly b/c of my personality

[Valerieg]

Freeman, We're kindred spirits, for real!

While I'm not experiencing the insomnia (yet) the itching continues. I'm still relatively comfortable too. Hard to believe at 36 weeks. I'm sort of done chasing my two older kids around, I just don't feel like it, but I do. Physically I can, I just don't want to!

Nothing is going on so far so I don't see an end in sight too soon. The contractions I had last week didn't do anything (my OB req'd a check) and both babies are lying too funny and out of my pelvis to help me dilate at all. So, I remain nervous.

I feel prepared in the sense that I already have two. But I don't do well with lack of sleep.

[RSG]

Oh thank goodness for these responses! I feel overwhelmed by the idea of 3 kids sometimes, for all the reasons above; and for feeling a little sad that none of them are going to get the attention I've been able to lavish upon my 2yo thus far. I think, for me, feeling like an invalid is the most difficult thing - I really hate being so dependent upon others and not being able to do what I normally do... I'm not a wimpy person, but this pregnancy is kicking my butt! I cannot wait to be done! My grandmother had 7 kids, last two pregnancies were twins - she passed away when I was little unfortunately - I sooooo wish I could ask her what the H was she thinking

[Valerieg]

I know exactly what you mean! I hate being so dependent on others. I have a friend that brings me dinner once a week, my sister-in-law has been cleaning every week, and people have come over to help me complete projects. But, I'm concerned about the help coming once the twins arrive. I know I'll have to grin and bear it but it drives me insane! And, when I'm hormonal and lacking sleep, I can't even imagine what's going to happen this time.

I'm thankful that I still feel pretty good. But wow. This whole thing has been a wake-up call for me. Sometimes you just have to accept help...and keep your mouth shut...and be flexible. Three things I've never been able to do easily (and still struggle with...A LOT!)

[noralou]

Originally Posted by Valerieg

... But, I'm concerned about the help coming once the twins arrive. I know I'll have to grin and bear it but it drives me insane! And, when I'm hormonal and lacking sleep, I can't even imagine what's going to happen this time.

I'm thankful that I still feel pretty good. But wow. This whole thing has been a wake-up call for me. Sometimes you just have to accept help...and keep your mouth shut...and be flexible. Three things I've never been able to do easily (and still struggle with...A LOT!)

I feel the same way about accepting help! I am sooo grateful that my kids have two eager grandmas ready to drop everything to help us out. I know we will need the help ... and yet I am totally nervous about having them "take over" my house and the care of my 4yo DS. I am trying to be clear yet not offensive about what kind of help we'll want, and talking about it now, while I am only a LITTLE sleep deprived. So tricky finding the balance between needing help and needing privacy, a little autonomy, etc.

[Freeman]

Originally Posted by Valerieg

Freeman, We're kindred spirits, for real!

Yep! Sounds like we were in the same boat, itching and all! I think that should be a distant memory for you pretty soon after delivery, though. It's amazing how much better you feel physically almost immediately after delivery - and in my case, that's including recovery from a c-section. Anything was better than the heartburn, itchiness, and general malaise...

Originally Posted by Valerieg

I feel prepared in the sense that I already have two. But I don't do well with lack of sleep.

Having 2 already will definitely help you get through the day-to-day with the newborns - you probably won't panic when they cry, for example, and you'll know the newborn phase is relatively short, etc. With two already, you're probably used to somewhat of a circus/zoo (or is that just my house?), being flexible, and expecting the unexpected, etc. That said, yes, it is hard dealing with 2 young children and keeping them happy and occupied while you have 2 newborns at the same time. This is where having help really seems essential, in my opinion. You will apreciate having someone there to keep the older 2 happy and entertained, and the older kids will be happier as a result. ...If you don't want to have someone in to help, could you sign them up for some sort of preschool program or mother's day out? When my older 2 were both out of the house the other day, I was thinking how twins (by themselves) were pretty do-able, even though I was by myself.

Originally Posted by Valerieg

I know exactly what you mean! I hate being so dependent on others. I have a friend that brings me dinner once a week, my sister-in-law has been cleaning every week, and people have come over to help me complete projects. But, I'm concerned about the help coming once the twins arrive. I know I'll have to grin and bear it but it drives me insane! And, when I'm hormonal and lacking sleep, I can't even imagine what's going to happen this time.

I'm thankful that I still feel pretty good. But wow. This whole thing has been a wake-up call for me. Sometimes you just have to accept help...and keep your mouth shut...and be flexible. Three things I've never been able to do easily (and still struggle with...A LOT!)

It is hard to accept help when you are an independent person. I know how you feel. However, remember that you'll be doing it all on your own soon enough, and delight in the help when you have it. Be happy to relinquish some control so you can get some sleep! Oh, yeah, maybe eat and take a shower and brush your teeth, too! If I have been able to do all those things in one day, I feel sort of like a normal person... Having twins is a wake-up-call. As someone who doesn't particularly love major changes or transitions (and who is an introvert who loves peace, quiet, and time to read a good book at a coffee shop), it's a stretch and a challenge for sure. However, I find that if I don't think too much about how hard it actually is and just do it, I'm happier.

[Intertwined]

Originally Posted by Freeman

When my older 2 were both out of the house the other day, I was thinking how twins (by themselves) were pretty do-able, even though I was by myself.

My husband and I took the twins out shopping by themselves several months ago. We had forgotten what it was like to do "man on man defense". We got so many comments on the twins and we both just sort of chuckled to ourselves. They often get lost in our normal brood (aka circus). I won't call it "easy" to spare those who only have twins and feel like they're drowning but let's just say as compared to being out with six under eight....it didn't even compare!

[Freeman]

Originally Posted by Intertwined

My husband and I took the twins out shopping by themselves several months ago. We had forgotten what it was like to do "man on man defense". We got so many comments on the twins and we both just sort of chuckled to ourselves. They often get lost in our normal brood (aka circus). I won't call it "easy" to spare those who only have twins and feel like they're drowning but let's just say as compared to being out with six under eight....it didn't even compare!

Yes, one's perspectives on what seems "easy" is all relative... Frankly, I can remember feeling overwhelmed when I had my 1st singleton...my perspective has definitely changed!!

[Valerieg]

I remember feeling "busy" and a little overwhelmed when I had my first. Then I had my second and wondered what I did with all my time! *chuckle* Now I wonder if I'll ever have a spare minute to think. Even without twins, four kids in itself is a struggle, so I'm looking forward to the circus.

My problem with help is that the help I have available disagrees with all that I do. My MIL has said she won't let me breastfeed both of them (meaning, she *will* give one a bottle, period). And my mom downright refuses to assist in any efforts towards cloth diapering. And, neither of them are supportive of babywearing, co-sleeping, and are pretty old-school. They've even told me to give my babies sugar water!!!!!

Just today my mom said that she picked up another pack of sposies. ARGH! And that she's going to drop DD off at preschool and take DS to McDonald's. My head was spinning. NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo! That's all I could think. I know I'm probably slightly overprotective but my kids get sick whenever we drive by a McDonald's playland. I can't afford to have sick kids. And that food is downright disgusting (no offense to those that eat there).

I want help with my house mostly, food, and then the kids. I'd much rather pay the neighbor girl to take them outside and play than have my mom or MIL take them to McD's playland or the mall. And, neither my mom nor my MIL would be able to chase them outside (mom has COPD and MIL is 76). I don't feel comfortable with either of them driving my kids around either- my mom is a smoker and I refuse to put my kids in a car with someone that smokes. And my MIL is such a terrible driver that *I* am white-knuckled when in her vehicle. So this is going to be tough. Really really tough. Am I a bit rigid? Sure. But I do have my reasons and I think some of them are too valid even when I'm looking at not having a nap. To me, the risk of MIL crashing her car yet again with my children in it just isn't worth the 20-minute nap. Will I give in to a McDonald's trip at some point- probably. But no playland. Ick!

Thankfully my SIL is able to pick up my DD and take her to preschool. I trust that she'll get her there safely. But I still want to pick her up. I have lots of friends at the school that'll watch the other three in the car while I walk in. But MIL picks up my niece and like I said before, I'd prefer she not drive my DD.

Lots to think about. Too stressful. I'm going to try and maintain some sort of zen. But this whole process is going to be a true test of my character and I fear it'll test some relationships. But, I have my non-negotiables and then the areas I can be more flexible in. Unfortunately some of my non-negotiables are sources of major conflict between me and the major helpers. It stinks.

[Freeman]

Maybe it would be better to go with a nanny or mother's helper with a similar parenting style who will respect your wishes. Have you looked at all? You may be able to find someone who could help with cleaning, too. If not, hire a seaparate person to clean. No, it will not be cheap, but it could be worth it to save your sanity...(and avoid the struggles with your mother and MIL).