ok, i think i could use some help here.
I have 4 kids ages 5 months, 2, 4 and 7. 7 and 5 months are a lot alike, both err on the quiet side rather than jump in and be loud, but seem pretty confident, are usually fairly easy for me to understand. I can usually figure out whats wrong when there are behavior issues with the 7 year old.
Then there's 2 & 4. those 2 are like twins born 20 months apart and I am told
that 2 is just like me. well, this is harder. They do what they want. 4 won't talk about his problems, he just gets mad and smashes things. Sometimes it seems like without any warning. He REFUSES to pick things up. AT ALL. he has not ever in his life cleaned up more than 2 or 3 toys in a session. and it took me sitting there with him for HOURS to get him to do those. So he strews things all over the house and yard and I CAN NOT figure out how to get him to understand that I can't just follow him around cleaning up everything. whenever he can't find something he wants he gets mad, and insists that someone else took whatever it was out of its place and left it out. He is really smart, has spoken in full sentences since he was a year old, and I know he understands what I am telling him to do. He just won't do it.
2 seems like she actually gets a kick out of making me follow her around waiting on her all the time (ex: "I have to go potty!!!" me:"ok, run to the potty and I will help you!" her: turns around and looks out the window and starts singing. me as i am rapidly trying to finish changing a diaper and not trip over the stuff DS4 left out, as cheerfully as i can manage "come on, lets go potty" she runs from me around the other side of the kitchen table, looking with a grin back to see if i am chasing. So I say, "well, i'm not helping you if you won't come here." so then she gets upset and cries at the TOP of her lungs and has an accident on her way (finally) to the potty. ) Then she is mad for about 5 minutes and says i'm "being mean".
these 2 absolutely won't be quiet. ever. I can't take them anywhere where a whisper is required because they refuse to try that. if I say "please try to be quiet and whisper" for ANY reason, they completely ignore me and just go right on saying whatever it was, only now twice as loud as before. DD2 is probably still trying to master understanding what a whisper is, but i am pretty sure ds knows how.
Any way, on my birthday my DH and oldest dd insisted on taking me out to eat for dinner on the way home from a friends house. so we went in, baby had been kind of cranky that day, but was finally sleeping. the kids were ok, they did pretty good most of the time. the place was packed (so we waited forever) and apparently some people were having an anniversary because they all started to sing, and when they did, they woke up baby. so she started to scream, I went out in the lobby to walk her, and dh paid the bill and got some boxes and came out with the the kids. they saw the claw machine thing and of course started begging him to let them play to get a toy. I knew it wouldn't end there, but was tired and he is a sucker for those things even though it causes a tantrum every time. so i just sat there and waited for it to be over. I get really tired of telling him "don't spend money on that, and don't give in to them when they beg for junk!" As a matter of fact i was sitting there thinking how i had asked them not to spend money on my birthday at all, that i just wanted to spend the day with them and my friends. But DH just wanted and excuse to go out. So when S**t hit the fan and the claw thing does what it does best and dropped the dumb toy, and ds starts screaming that he didn't get a toy, dh tries to reason with him, and eventually has to drag him out the door. along with dd2 who is also very upset, and dd7 who is just happy go lucky and spinning around like a ballerina and running into everyone who is coming in and out of the restaurant. meanwhile, baby is still crying and I am heading for the door walking behind the circus to make sure everyone gets to the car. So as we are walking out the door, screaming kids in tow, this woman stops me and says "oh, what a beautiful family you have! You know, my sister has 3!" And i am doing my best to smile and nod and keep on moving politely. " then as I am turning to go to the car she says "you know what really helped us was this book called 'to train up a child' have you ever heard of it? "
Oh that did it. I could feel the dam breaking. I turned and looked her in the eye with a smile like a rotweiler who just cornered an unsuspecting chicken. I said "yes I have! I hate it!" she still didn't stop. she got that look like a jehovah's witness and you are the last house on a dead end road. "Well why is that?" I said "I think it is abusive!" the smile is painted on now and I can feel my face turning red. "well, you have to understand, it has to be tempered with lots of love...." and she is kind of looking through the corners of her eyes and down her nose like she is explaining something deep to me. I didn't have any more patience. I wanted to be done with this conversation and my nerves were about as raw as they could get. (baby still screaming) So i just open my mouth and out came "no, thanks! i think i'll just have about 8 more, and i can teach them to be little heathens, and we'll come back here and they can scream and yell and wake up other peoples babies!" Smile still painted on. and i turned around and walked off.
As rude as she was, i am really wondering why i can't seem to get it together and have kids that behave. uggh.
and maybe just a little sorry for possibly insinuating that my kids are heathens. they aren't they just need better coping tools. Apparently they need better ones than i have to teach them with or i would have kept my mouth shut.
I have 4 kids ages 5 months, 2, 4 and 7. 7 and 5 months are a lot alike, both err on the quiet side rather than jump in and be loud, but seem pretty confident, are usually fairly easy for me to understand. I can usually figure out whats wrong when there are behavior issues with the 7 year old.
Then there's 2 & 4. those 2 are like twins born 20 months apart and I am told
that 2 is just like me. well, this is harder. They do what they want. 4 won't talk about his problems, he just gets mad and smashes things. Sometimes it seems like without any warning. He REFUSES to pick things up. AT ALL. he has not ever in his life cleaned up more than 2 or 3 toys in a session. and it took me sitting there with him for HOURS to get him to do those. So he strews things all over the house and yard and I CAN NOT figure out how to get him to understand that I can't just follow him around cleaning up everything. whenever he can't find something he wants he gets mad, and insists that someone else took whatever it was out of its place and left it out. He is really smart, has spoken in full sentences since he was a year old, and I know he understands what I am telling him to do. He just won't do it.2 seems like she actually gets a kick out of making me follow her around waiting on her all the time (ex: "I have to go potty!!!" me:"ok, run to the potty and I will help you!" her: turns around and looks out the window and starts singing. me as i am rapidly trying to finish changing a diaper and not trip over the stuff DS4 left out, as cheerfully as i can manage "come on, lets go potty" she runs from me around the other side of the kitchen table, looking with a grin back to see if i am chasing. So I say, "well, i'm not helping you if you won't come here." so then she gets upset and cries at the TOP of her lungs and has an accident on her way (finally) to the potty. ) Then she is mad for about 5 minutes and says i'm "being mean".
these 2 absolutely won't be quiet. ever. I can't take them anywhere where a whisper is required because they refuse to try that. if I say "please try to be quiet and whisper" for ANY reason, they completely ignore me and just go right on saying whatever it was, only now twice as loud as before. DD2 is probably still trying to master understanding what a whisper is, but i am pretty sure ds knows how.
Any way, on my birthday my DH and oldest dd insisted on taking me out to eat for dinner on the way home from a friends house. so we went in, baby had been kind of cranky that day, but was finally sleeping. the kids were ok, they did pretty good most of the time. the place was packed (so we waited forever) and apparently some people were having an anniversary because they all started to sing, and when they did, they woke up baby. so she started to scream, I went out in the lobby to walk her, and dh paid the bill and got some boxes and came out with the the kids. they saw the claw machine thing and of course started begging him to let them play to get a toy. I knew it wouldn't end there, but was tired and he is a sucker for those things even though it causes a tantrum every time. so i just sat there and waited for it to be over. I get really tired of telling him "don't spend money on that, and don't give in to them when they beg for junk!" As a matter of fact i was sitting there thinking how i had asked them not to spend money on my birthday at all, that i just wanted to spend the day with them and my friends. But DH just wanted and excuse to go out. So when S**t hit the fan and the claw thing does what it does best and dropped the dumb toy, and ds starts screaming that he didn't get a toy, dh tries to reason with him, and eventually has to drag him out the door. along with dd2 who is also very upset, and dd7 who is just happy go lucky and spinning around like a ballerina and running into everyone who is coming in and out of the restaurant. meanwhile, baby is still crying and I am heading for the door walking behind the circus to make sure everyone gets to the car. So as we are walking out the door, screaming kids in tow, this woman stops me and says "oh, what a beautiful family you have! You know, my sister has 3!" And i am doing my best to smile and nod and keep on moving politely. " then as I am turning to go to the car she says "you know what really helped us was this book called 'to train up a child' have you ever heard of it? "
Oh that did it. I could feel the dam breaking. I turned and looked her in the eye with a smile like a rotweiler who just cornered an unsuspecting chicken. I said "yes I have! I hate it!" she still didn't stop. she got that look like a jehovah's witness and you are the last house on a dead end road. "Well why is that?" I said "I think it is abusive!" the smile is painted on now and I can feel my face turning red. "well, you have to understand, it has to be tempered with lots of love...." and she is kind of looking through the corners of her eyes and down her nose like she is explaining something deep to me. I didn't have any more patience. I wanted to be done with this conversation and my nerves were about as raw as they could get. (baby still screaming) So i just open my mouth and out came "no, thanks! i think i'll just have about 8 more, and i can teach them to be little heathens, and we'll come back here and they can scream and yell and wake up other peoples babies!" Smile still painted on. and i turned around and walked off.As rude as she was, i am really wondering why i can't seem to get it together and have kids that behave. uggh.
and maybe just a little sorry for possibly insinuating that my kids are heathens. they aren't they just need better coping tools. Ap
parently they need better ones than i have to teach them with or i would have kept my mouth shut.
:
you for telling her off. I bet you would've been quicker off the mark with some brilliant mind-changing commentary if your LOs hadn't melted down, but, eh, good enough.
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