Transition back to work

[jdg]

I'm expecting my first child around June 1. I have 12 weeks of leave available to me in a combination of paid, partially paid, and unpaid. Co-workers have always taken however much time they're taking and then returned full time. My work does not offer any part time options. I talked to my boss and he is willing to let me take 8 weeks completely off and then 8 weeks half-time. Financially, this comes out the same as 12 weeks fully off, it just stretches the time off a little differently.

My husband works from home and is available to be the primary caregiver in the mornings, though from 1:00-5:00 he could not be available pretty much at all. So if I do half-time I would work in the mornings when he was with the baby, then be home in the afternoons to be with the baby myself. When I go back to work full time, we intend to hire a part-time nanny for the afternoons to care for our baby in our home.

My question is - what would you do? And why? Stay home for the full 12 weeks and then transition to full time work and nanny? Or stay home for 8 then transition to half-time for 8, then transition to full time and nanny?

Jackie

[Dandelionkid]

I would probably do the 8 week thing. It all goes so fast in the beginning. It would be nice to have longer time off not working full-time. It will be hard regardless

[neonalee]

Oh how funny! I have no answer for you from my own experience, but I just asked my close friend (who has a 2 yr old and works full time) nearly the exact same question this morning! I don't think she'd mind me passing the advice along, so here's what she said.

"don't even START negotiating the terms of your return until 3-4 weeks after the baby is born. Do get all the options out on the table and indicate you plan to come back, maybe hint that you're willing to be creative, but don't commit to anything." there was more about why this was important

and to answer my direct question, which was the same as yours, from the view point of both a mom AND a corporate manager:
"I advocate taking as much full time off as you can possibly afford. The Feds guarantee your job for a full 12 weeks. That's why we pay taxes. You may have to sacrifice vacation and pay to take all 12, but take as much as you can possibly manage. You won't get that time back with your baby. Try not to sacrifice sick time. You'll probably need it for when the baby gets sick. And they will get sick, especially if they're in a day care center.

That said, if you can engineer going back part-time, that's a good way to ease into the transition from the mom's perspective. From a manager's perspective, it really depends on the nature of the work and the company. Is the work easily subdivided among workers when my part-timer isn't around? Do I have a project that is acceptable to move at a part-time rate rather than a full-time rate? Do I have complete control over my people's work or do others from around the company go directly to my people and expect full-time attention? It just really depends."

Hope this helps some!

[_betsy_]

I went back at 7 weeks PP with my first, as 12 weeks PP with my second, both times I went back FT. I think the 8 weeks off and 8 weeks at part time would be my preferred option from the scenarios you've given.

I jumped back in full time both times, and it was pretty rough. But we got through it. There's no part-time options here anymore, and the nature of my work doesn't really allow for half-days anyways.

[akind1]

I am back at work after my first. I went back at 7; DH is not employed and I could not afford to take 12; 6 of which would be unpaid. I am fortunate in that when I returned, I had the option of working from home 2-3 days a week, which is a blessing. DH is the primary caregiver when I am in the office, but when I'm at home working, it is mostly me.

It is rough going back, regardless of whether it is full or part time; especially as they are older as they are more interesting and want to play. depending on your baby - my LO has been very easy, eats regularly and goes about 3-4 hours between feedings - so often in the early days when he mostly slept, I was kind of bored and could have worked, (but didn't of course!) by the time I went back to work, he was awake more, smiling and cooing, you just want to spend the time then, and that is hard. It's great that your DH can be such a help

Nannies are expensive, but worth it if you can avoid putting the LO in daycare.

- Katrina

[jdg]

Thanks for the feedback! I have some time to think on this. Work wants to know what my plans are before I leave, but told me I didn't need to have an answer until sometime in May.

Work will likely be rough half-time, as my job isn't designed to be done that way. But I'm pretty sure my boss and those that I directly supervise will be supportive and work with me if that's what I choose to do.

[Ellien C]

My work has a phase-back option. I can take 8 weeks paid, 4 unpaid and then I "phase back" at full pay over the course of a month.

Week 1 = 20 hours
Week 2 = 24 hours
Week 3 = 32 hours
Week 4 = 36 hours

or something like that.

Maybe you could shift it around a bit like that. Instead of a complete 8 weeks at half-time. At any rate, I would take the 16 weeks combo over the 12.

I will also say that after 6 weeks post-partum I could NOT believe women went back to work at that point. After 9 weeks, I was like - eh - I *could* go if I had to. And finally by 12 weeks, I felt ready to get back into the swing of things. My husband then took 8 weeks off and we started a very nice day care around 6 months.

[snarky]

I had 12 weeks before going back full time, and in hindsight I would have taken 12 full weeks as opposed to 8 full, 8 half. This is because I was knocked on my butt the first 8 weeks postpartum (daughter had trouble feeding) and I didn't enjoy that time at all. It was only in weeks 9-12 that I started to connect with her. I would have missed out on that if I had my head in the game at work. All kids are different though.

[Ellien C]

snarky has a good point there. I'm wondering if the OP could do the 12 and work out a phase-back kind of thing.

[jdg]

I could probably do a phase-back at some point during this. If I'm being honest, I'm not at all sure I want to be out of work for too long. I do not do well mentally or emotionally if I'm not working. I have also suffered from depression and am predisposed to postpartum. My depression does not respond to meds and therefore I need to be careful about my behavior and environment to manage it - and work helps a lot. I realize that's a lot of predicting the future, though.

Being yet more honest, and probably sounding horrible to you mamas, I'm not a "baby person". Never understood what people like about babies. My mom ran an in-home daycare most of my life and I'm perfectly comfortable and capable around babies and toddlers, just have no interest. I'm looking forward to when this kid is older. Fortunately, I think my husband is enough of a baby person for both of us. Now, I know, everyone tells me that I'll feel bonded to this child as soon as it's born. And I expect that I will feel bonded. I just can't picture myself wanting to be around him/her 24/7 for three whole months.

[akind1]

being bonded to, and being a baby person in general, are 2 different things - You can be like your husband (or me) and love being around babies, holding them, interacting, etc. Or you could be one of those take 'em or leave 'em sorts.

Either way, you will bond with your baby, and love him or her to pieces. If you think you might be ok going back to work sooner then you should. I almost wish I could have gone back kind of early, like around week 4, and then taken the rest of my leave between weeks 8 and 12 when he's gotten both more interesting and seems to "need" me more.

I know plenty of women who felt as you do, but once the babies were born, they couldn't let go of them! it is different when it's "your" baby. (you'll hear that a million times, I'm sure

[schreiberwriter]

It's great you have the flexibility with your employer. It sounds like if you put in place a schedule beforehand and need to tweak it afterwards, you can. There are several variables in your plan that could change after your baby arrives.

It's great you're thinking creatively about your childcare plan. We did and it's made all the difference.

[siobhang]

as PPs have said, don't make any decisions before you have to. There could be a million reasons why it won't work the way you predict so opt for flexibility at this point.

That said, the 8 weeks off/8 weeks part time sounds like not a bad plan. You might even see if you can agree to do tiny amounts of work from home (like checking email, sitting in on conference calls) to extend your leave and also make the transition back a little easier.

We have a woman about to take leave (she is 37 weeks right now), and we basically told her we don't expect to hear from her for a minimum of 2 weeks, and then she tells us what she wants to do (she cannot afford unpaid leave, and she works from home already).