Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ February 2010

[BeckC]

This is a "Non Due Date Club" for all the Mamas waiting to adopt kiddos, whether newborn or older. We can share our stories, encourage each other while we wait and be patient (or not) for our little ones to arrive.

Feel free to join in if you are waiting for a foster kiddo, a relative or an adoption in any stage. We're not trying to be exclusive at all. Mamas who don't have any kids yet but who are waiting to adopt or foster a kiddo are also welcome. Also feel free to chime in if you have previously adopted and have stories or advice to share.

Please keep this thread supportive and gentle. We all have different journeys and different ways of "getting there".

Here is the link to January's NON DDC

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Waiting to Adopt DDC Roll Call!!!


BeckC (Rebecca)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 8/09
Waiting to be matched

Whistler (Erin)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Baby boy born on 9/29
Home on 10/9!

mamalemon
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Baby boy is home!

mamarhu
Foster/adoptive parent, hoping to adopt DFC
Maybe waiting for 5yo twins, sibs of DFC

tiffani
International African adoption
Received referral for 2.5 year old boy and 5 mo old girl!

lamamax3
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Licensed and waiting to be matched

curliemama
Licensed to foster-adopt
Working with private agency for newborn adoption
Waiting to be matched

HeatherAtHome (Heather)
Hoping to foster/adopt
Bought a house, renovating before starting the process

candm
International Haitian adoption
Finalized, our son and daughter are home!

crl (Catherine)
Updating homestudies for China and Kyrgyzstan
Homestudy for domestic adoption approved 12/09
Matched with an emom having a girl due in April

sesa70 (Theresa)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Homestudy approved 11/09
Waiting for a match

airmide_m
Beginning adoption process
Working on getting lawyer and homestudy right away

chanibell
International Adoption
Thinking stage for #2

angie6191
Hoping to adopt current foster kiddos
Starting process for domestic transracial newborn adoption
Approved 11/09

azedazobollis (Christine)
DD came home on December
Waiting for finalization

Polliwog (Beth)
Hoping to adopt DFD who is free for adoption
Next court date in Nov

DTmama1
Matched with sibling group from foster care
Ages 6, 9, 10, 11, and 13
Kids are moved in!

raqmykids (Raquel)
Transracial domestic adoption
Waiting for placement

someonenamedleah (Leah)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Baby boys born 1/09!

Alvenchrst
Foster/adopt
Working on paperwork

ftlmom2001
Domestic private adoption
Baby boy born 10/13

hdeering
Foster parents to 3 yo, 3 yo, and 5 month old.
Moving towards adoption with 2 out of 3, but maybe all 3.
TPR hearing for 1 or 2 of them in Jan.

excitedtobeamom
Adopting from Thailand
Waiting on referral (hopefully summer/fall 2010)

hi abbott
Working on agency paperwork

rebyell
Domestic adoption
Baby girl born 11/10/09
Baby is home!

Luv-my-boys
Special needs Foster/Adopt through state
Approved, Waiting for $$ to finish homestudy

Crpsmnwife
International adoption from Ethiopia
Homestudy completed
Waiting for approval

Ttoes
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched

SimplyRochelle (Rochelle)
Hoping to adopt from foster care
Just starting the process

griffin2004
State Foster-to-Adopt Program
Waiting for a placement
Signed with private adoption attorney

christophersmom
Hoping to foster
Approved 10/09
Waiting for a placement

leahcar
Homestudy approved 07/09
Hoping to adopt an older child (girl)
Matched with a 9 year old girl

ladycop79 (Heather B)
Hoping to foster
Taking MAPP classes

Sbrinton (Sara)
International African Adoption
Researching agencies

mightyisis6874
Domestic Infant Adoption
Applying with agency
Waiting for homestudy

willowbean
Licensing for foster hoping to foster-adopt
Working on home study

Bella Catalina
Hoping to adopt from Ethiopia
Researching agencies

Veronika01
Hoping to adopt
Researching programs

MamaK (Kim)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 12/09
Waiting to be matched

azmomtoone
Researching domestic and foster-adopt

just_lily
Domestic Public Adoption
Waiting for approval

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[BeckC]

Hi everyone! Our February non DDC is up!

I'd love for everyone on the roll call to check in and let us know what's been going on. I know that some people are in dire need for status updates. lol

For me, I got the small update last month that things are moving slowly, but a couple emoms do have our profile. I can't help but be hopeful about that but I still have the nagging negative feelings hanging over my head, ya know?

In the mean time I'm making baby stuff. I've been knitting wool diaper covers and a sleep sack. I'm still a bit of a newbie knitting but I'm pretty happy with how things are coming out.

So what are the rest of you waiting mamas doing to get ready for your babies?

[just_lily]

Not much activity in here this month! Everyone must be busy.

Anyways, I would love to join the Non-DDC. We just sent off our initial application paperwork for Domestic Public Adoption in our province of Alberta. We currently feel drawn towards adopting a sibling group, but are open to that changing as we go through training and our home study.

We had intended to start the process right after Christmas, but got derailed when DF lost his job. He was laid off two days before we were scheduled to go to an information session and pick up the application paperwork. We decided to go anyways, and just held off on sending it all in until everything was settled.

DF ended up finding a great job, making a bit more money than he was before, and working from home. He was having to commute an hour each way, so having a home office has given us a lot of extra family time. Getting laid off was a true blessing in disguise.

Where we are, it takes about nine months to go from application to approval, and then matching takes an indefinite period after that. Realistically, we are looking at adding to our family some time in 2011.

[sesa70]

things are slow moving around here too. Its been nearly 4 months and not one Emom has looked at our profile

I keep trying to stay hopeful. Our agency had a huge baby boom and in I think something like 10-12 babies were placed in late Jan/early Feb. Of course we were not one of the lucky families but hopefully that moves us up a bit in the profile book.

What have I been doing to get ready? I finally allowed myself to get some crib bedding. First I cleared out most of the stuff from the bedroom; it involved dragging the toddler beds out (they were there when we were doing foster care, just in case) giving one away and figuring out how to store the other. Then I had to clean out the closet since somehow that bedroom has become our catch all junk room. So far I have the crib quilt and bumper. My dh thinks I am crazy for doing anything at this point, but I almost feel stir crazy not doing anything. Now I am trying to figure out paint color

Hopefully the summer will bring distractions and I won't be so focused/worried/anxious about the lack of action. hopefully some of our other ddc members have better news!

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by sesa70

My dh thinks I am crazy for doing anything at this point, but I almost feel stir crazy not doing anything. Now I am trying to figure out paint color

On Thursday, August 7, 2008 I decided it was time to sort baby clothes on the off-hand chance we got a surprise baby. I knew that wasn't likely, but it just made sense to do it. It took me all day as I had 31 months worth of stuff to sort. (Everything had just been thrown in the closet in bags, but not sorted or labeled.) I put summer newborn stuff in one bag, 3 month winter in another, receiving blankets in another, towels in another, etc. It took 12 hours with a toddler to care for during the whole process.

On Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 9:42 am we got a call about a baby born situation. At 2:21 pm I started nursing our 6 hour old daughter.

Now, if I had done all that prep work as a way to try and bring a baby into our house, it would not have worked. It's like washing your car hoping to make it rain. However, since I didn't plan it. Since I just listened to that inner voice, it worked.

So, you never know when your life could turn upside down.

[lamamax3]

Absolutely nothing going on here with our "adoption". Considering going the foster to adopt route more and more, but the agency contact here was so negative about babies/toddlers being available for adoption when we wrote her. An emom is looking at profiles this month, but all the sw would say that is that there are four couples waiting and she will be looking at three of the four. She had already mentioned that of the four, two are open on gender (we are), one wants a boy, and one wants a girl. I'm guessing that the baby's gender is known, and that is why one couple isn't being considered, but I don't know for sure. At the moment, she is the only emom in the minority program.

When a sw tells you that it isn't "if" but "when" what does that mean??? Since the whole decision is in the hands of the emoms, there is no way to predict the outcome. There is no waiting list!

[curliemama]

I have some news.

Despite working with an agency, we also networked independently and happened upon a situation. Our daughter is over 3 months old, but we only learned about her three weeks ago. She was discharged from the hospital NICU two weeks ago this Wednesday. We are on our way back to our home state now.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by lamamax3

Absolutely nothing going on here with our "adoption". Considering going the foster to adopt route more and more, but the agency contact here was so negative about babies/toddlers being available for adoption when we wrote her. An emom is looking at profiles this month, but all the sw would say that is that there are four couples waiting and she will be looking at three of the four. She had already mentioned that of the four, two are open on gender (we are), one wants a boy, and one wants a girl. I'm guessing that the baby's gender is known, and that is why one couple isn't being considered, but I don't know for sure. At the moment, she is the only emom in the minority program.

When a sw tells you that it isn't "if" but "when" what does that mean??? Since the whole decision is in the hands of the emoms, there is no way to predict the outcome. There is no waiting list!

I don't have any advice for you about private adoption, but just about everyone I know who has started fostering with the hopes of adopting, has been able to do so. There are lots of infants who come into care and are not able to be turned to their families. And for the majority of those families, it's become clear pretty quickly whether or not reunification would be possible.

Originally Posted by curliemama

I have some news.

Despite working with an agency, we also networked independently and happened upon a situation. Our daughter is over 3 months old, but we only learned about her three weeks ago. She was discharged from the hospital NICU two weeks ago this Wednesday. We are on our way back to our home state now.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by curliemama

I have some news.

Despite working with an agency, we also networked independently and happened upon a situation. Our daughter is over 3 months old, but we only learned about her three weeks ago. She was discharged from the hospital NICU two weeks ago this Wednesday. We are on our way back to our home state now.

Congratulations, how VERY exciting.

[BeckC]

Originally Posted by just_lily

Not much activity in here this month! Everyone must be busy.

Anyways, I would love to join the Non-DDC. We just sent off our initial application paperwork for Domestic Public Adoption in our province of Alberta. We currently feel drawn towards adopting a sibling group, but are open to that changing as we go through training and our home study.

We had intended to start the process right after Christmas, but got derailed when DF lost his job. He was laid off two days before we were scheduled to go to an information session and pick up the application paperwork. We decided to go anyways, and just held off on sending it all in until everything was settled.

DF ended up finding a great job, making a bit more money than he was before, and working from home. He was having to commute an hour each way, so having a home office has given us a lot of extra family time. Getting laid off was a true blessing in disguise.

Where we are, it takes about nine months to go from application to approval, and then matching takes an indefinite period after that. Realistically, we are looking at adding to our family some time in 2011.

Welcome! So I'm not sure how Domestic Public Adoption works in Canada. Do you foster with the hopes to adopt? Do you adopt kids whose parents have already terminated their rights? I hope your match goes through quickly.

Originally Posted by sesa70

things are slow moving around here too. Its been nearly 4 months and not one Emom has looked at our profile

I keep trying to stay hopeful. Our agency had a huge baby boom and in I think something like 10-12 babies were placed in late Jan/early Feb. Of course we were not one of the lucky families but hopefully that moves us up a bit in the profile book.

What have I been doing to get ready? I finally allowed myself to get some crib bedding. First I cleared out most of the stuff from the bedroom; it involved dragging the toddler beds out (they were there when we were doing foster care, just in case) giving one away and figuring out how to store the other. Then I had to clean out the closet since somehow that bedroom has become our catch all junk room. So far I have the crib quilt and bumper. My dh thinks I am crazy for doing anything at this point, but I almost feel stir crazy not doing anything. Now I am trying to figure out paint color

Hopefully the summer will bring distractions and I won't be so focused/worried/anxious about the lack of action. hopefully some of our other ddc members have better news!

What is with men? Chris also thinks I'm nuts for being as prepared as I am. I have been getting things slowly on sale and trying to make the waiting period fun by having something to look forward to every month. It's a fine line. On the one hand I don't want to have everything I could possibly need just sitting here gathering dust. It feels a little... crazy, like I'm buying all this stuff for a baby who we hope shows up. Like "if you build it they will come" type of thing. On the other hand, I don't want to be caught totally unprepared. The fact is that we ARE planning on having a baby, and it may be short notice, and babies need stuff. (Ok, I know not a ton of stuff, but they do need stuff)

Originally Posted by lamamax3

Absolutely nothing going on here with our "adoption". Considering going the foster to adopt route more and more, but the agency contact here was so negative about babies/toddlers being available for adoption when we wrote her. An emom is looking at profiles this month, but all the sw would say that is that there are four couples waiting and she will be looking at three of the four. She had already mentioned that of the four, two are open on gender (we are), one wants a boy, and one wants a girl. I'm guessing that the baby's gender is known, and that is why one couple isn't being considered, but I don't know for sure. At the moment, she is the only emom in the minority program.

When a sw tells you that it isn't "if" but "when" what does that mean??? Since the whole decision is in the hands of the emoms, there is no way to predict the outcome. There is no waiting list!

I'm sorry that things are moving so slowly. This wait is so hard. And the "not if but when" phrase drives me nuts because it's not when. I think that they're trying to get you to keep your hopes up but for me personally it feels like sugarcoating it. When we were TTC people would tell us "Don't worry, it will happen" and I would think "Well, really? You mean that everyone in the world who has ever tried to have a baby gets one? That's great!" The truth is that it just doesn't happen for some people. And I'd rather deal with that upfront than walk around with rose colored glasses and pretend that everything works out for everyone.

Originally Posted by curliemama

I have some news.

Despite working with an agency, we also networked independently and happened upon a situation. Our daughter is over 3 months old, but we only learned about her three weeks ago. She was discharged from the hospital NICU two weeks ago this Wednesday. We are on our way back to our home state now.

That's fantastic! Congratulations!!!!!!!

[BeckC]

I almost forgot to update on us. Today is our 1 year anniversary of applying to our placing agency. We had to go to the DMV to get my in state license (we had just moved here a few months prior and I was still using my other state's license) and we had to go to the library to photocopy everything and then we went to the post office and dropped the application in the box. Then we celebrated with takeout. lol

Four days ago marks 6 months since we've been waiting for a match. Our expected wait is 12-18 mo so I'm hoping that we're 1/3 of the way through the wait time. Actually I'm hoping that we're more like 3/4 of the way through, but I can live with 1/3.

[tiffani]

congratulations curliemama, that's exciting!!!

sorry to everyone who isn't making any obvious progress, that phase is hard!! best wishes to you all...

we are waiting for a court date -- there is a couple there with their son, and they have their appointment with the embassy tomorrow. If they are issued a visa for their son, our lawyer will go ahead and request a court date for us. the embassy had put a hold on issuing visas, and we *think* that everything is sorted out, but this family tomorrow is the guinea pig test run at the embassy... we shall see!!!

as for getting ready ahead of time, I think it's a great idea to do it slowly over time while you're waiting. it helps you feel connected to the child/ren you're waiting for, and prevents a rush shopping spree right at the end.

[just_lily]

Originally Posted by BeckC

Welcome! So I'm not sure how Domestic Public Adoption works in Canada. Do you foster with the hopes to adopt? Do you adopt kids whose parents have already terminated their rights? I hope your match goes through quickly.

Thanks!

I am in Alberta, and although there does appear to be some foster-adopt parents it doesn't appear to be a program that is really pushed. I am sure a number of children are adopted by their current foster parents, but the adoption stream involves kids whose parents' rights have been terminated.

We haven't done much to get ready as our adoption is likely still a long way off. I have been accepting any kind of hand-me-down that people offer me. I get a lot of stuff for my daughter, but have been taking boy's clothes if they have it too. We have a big garage so it is easy to pack it up and store it. If it turns out that we won't need it down the road we will pass it along.

[Armom]

My homestudy was completed! I am now waiting to be matched with a 2-5 year old through my state's foster care system. I will be doing "straight adoption". In my state, 3 families are chosen by the child's social worker and a committee then picks the one they think is the best match...so it has the potential to be a long a wild ride, but I am hoping for the best.

single mom to a 7 yr old adopted internationally
hoping for another one!

[miche28]

DH and I are just about done the homestudy and training - just waiting for the final homestudy to come back for review. We are hoping to adopt a newborn to 2 year old domestically, likely through a private adoption. Our local CAS (public agency) has declined to accept our private homestudy for any child less than age 3 (whom we couldn't accept anyway and still respect birth order and spacing rules) and they have no foster to adopt program at all - so private it is. I have no idea about timeframes.

We have two bio-kids, DS is 3 and DD is 6. I am also adopted myself.

So, that's us in a nutshell!

[lamamax3]

Congrats on the new baby girl Curliemama!!!!

[Bella Catalina]

I haven't been around in a while. No news for us, either. With the talk coming out of ET about corruption and trafficking, it sounds an awful lot like what happened with Guatemala, so I'm just watching.

I have my top 3 agencies but I can't go any further. Right now, it feels like a huge "someday" and I'm doubting it will happen. Seems to be one setback after another (and of course they are financial)... it's so hard to wait for the right timing.

[tiffani]

miche28, best wishes in your wait... I know a family in Ontario who privately adopted two little ones from the First Nations community in the northern part of either Winnipeg or Ontario, not sure... is your agency in contact with those communities as well? waiting to be chosen in Canada can take a while, just throwing out options! hope you find your baby soon!

Bella Catalina, have you looked at Rwanda? awesome program, I highly recommend it for international adopters!

[curliemama]

Thanks, everyone! So far, so good with adjustment and whatnot. Baby Girl is THRIVING, which is awesome.