My three and a half year old DD has been testing boundaries recently, and testing my patience 
. I saw some interesting article about power struggles, and how to avoid them, a while back, but I can't remember where I saw it now. That is a shame, because I can really do with something like that right now.
From the time we get up to the time we go to sleep, she's at it all day long. Being defiant, doing things she knows will make me angry, just to get me angry and see how I will react. I know that it is age appropriate, but I also know that it drives me crazy
. It is so tough to stay calm and not get angry.
A few examples -
DD will pull on the curtains and call her brother (one year old) to join in. I'll ask her to stop. She'll just continue doing it. I'll tell her to stop again, or try and redirect her by asking her whether she wants to draw, or help me in the kitchen, or whatever. She'll continue doing it. I'll explain that the curtains and rail will fall down if she does that, and she might get hurt. She'll keep at it. If I physically remove her, she throws a tantrum, which can last for about 10 minutes.
We ride on the bus. She kicks the seat on front of her. I will tell her that that is annoying to other passengers and to stop doing it. She will keep at it. "I will kick the seat. I like it!" I tell not to do it, and she starts screaming.
She takes toys from her brother. I tell her to either return him the toy, or give him something else he likes playing with. She says no.
In the mall, she tells me she wants to buy lego. I tell her we can't afford that right now, but we can go and do one of the games they have at the playground. She screams that she wants the lego.
Similar things happen throughout the day. On days where I can do lots of fun stuff with her, and she's positively occupied, it doesn't happen as much. I work from home, so that is not always possible. I don't want to shout at my daughter, but it happens. Any suggestions on how to improve the situation and exit a situation like this when we are already there in a peaceful way that avoids a power struggle would be wonderful. Both of us are very stubborn, and such struggles are just bad news. Nobody wins. A constructive, mutually agreeable solution would be so much better. We do succeed in that, half of the time,but sometimes it just doesn't seem to work.
Any thoughts?
. I saw some interesting article about power struggles, and how to avoid them, a while back, but I can't remember where I saw it now. That is a shame, because I can really do with something like that right now.From the time we get up to the time we go to sleep, she's at it all day long. Being defiant, doing things she knows will make me angry, just to get me angry and see how I will react. I know that it is age appropriate, but I also know that it drives me crazy
. It is so tough to stay calm and not get angry.A few examples -
DD will pull on the curtains and call her brother (one year old) to join in. I'll ask her to stop. She'll just continue doing it. I'll tell her to stop again, or try and redirect her by asking her whether she wants to draw, or help me in the kitchen, or whatever. She'll continue doing it. I'll explain that the curtains and rail will fall down if she does that, and she might get hurt. She'll keep at it. If I physically remove her, she throws a tantrum, which can last for about 10 minutes.
We ride on the bus. She kicks the seat on front of her. I will tell her that that is annoying to other passengers and to stop doing it. She will keep at it. "I will kick the seat. I like it!" I tell not to do it, and she starts screaming.
She takes toys from her brother. I tell her to either return him the toy, or give him something else he likes playing with. She says no.
In the mall, she tells me she wants to buy lego. I tell her we can't afford that right now, but we can go and do one of the games they have at the playground. She screams that she wants the lego.
Similar things happen throughout the day. On days where I can do lots of fun stuff with her, and she's positively occupied, it doesn't happen as much. I work from home, so that is not always possible. I don't want to shout at my daughter, but it happens. Any suggestions on how to improve the situation and exit a situation like this when we are already there in a peaceful way that avoids a power struggle would be wonderful. Both of us are very stubborn, and such struggles are just bad news. Nobody wins. A constructive, mutually agreeable solution would be so much better. We do succeed in that, half of the time,but sometimes it just doesn't seem to work.
Any thoughts?
. A lot of it at this age is just deep breathing and getting through it.
