Originally Posted by aricha
I'm not saying there's no reason for her to want a break, I'm just pointing out that her situation is very different than, say, a stay-at-home parent with a toddler in need of constant supervision.
As Momily and sunflowers have pointed out, it really can be MORE stressful for a single parent. When you are at home all day you at least have the benefit of being with your child the whole day--you have plenty of quality time. You can find a way to take a break--pop in a video and lay down with the child, go to the park and plop on the bench with a book, etc. It's also easier to involve child in cleaning and meals because you don't have to rush everything.
When you do the above schedule that Sunflowers mentioned it really wears you down. It has to be very regimented to keep everything moving. You don't always get the quality fun time with your child. And sometimes, when you have the chance, you would prefer to sleep. That can add an element of guilt as well...
Proto, that doesn't surprise me that she has some mental health issues. It makes it harder to let go of things. I'm sure it brings up a lot of anxiety, resentment, grief and uncertainty for her. But she's been in a decent place with you all before so I think she'll come around again. Just be patient, kind and if it continues look at more boundaries.
I would not use it as a passive-aggressive way to seek more custody. (Not that I saw you inclined to do that.)
You have also mentioned that you get over the biggest issues pretty quickly. So it sounds like you get pissed, think about it, and then calm down pretty quick. When you react, you are giving her emotional control over you. Could you work on not reacting?? I wonder if she truly didn't punch everyone's buttons if she would continue?
Could your husband try to transition more to email? That way he would have time to investigate before answering and it wouldn't punch her buttons. Or, if he is on the phone, I wonder if there is some way to word that he needs a minute that won't trigger her. Sometimes the way things are phrased has a huge impact. Maybe you could find some ideas in Non-Violent Communication. This does seem to be related to her fear of not being "first".