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Any SAHPs who don't want a career?

post #1 of 85
Thread Starter 
At least not for a long long time.

I posted before that all my SAHM friends had gone back to work. We are in a University community so everyone around is working on a Phd in something. I have a Master's degree and used to tell people that my goal was to get a Phd someday (in child development). But now I realize when I say that I am just trying to ease my own discomfort in the typical "so you just stay home with him?" convo and it isn't authentic.

I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. I love it and I know I don't actually need anything else. I know someday when the kids are older or grown I may go back to teaching or go back to school but that doesn't really define me. I don't care that much about it. Being home with my kids is my dream job and my true goal. I am the ONLY person I know with this mentality.

Am I a freak or are there others out there?
post #2 of 85
I have a career -- caring for my home and children.

I actually just had that revelation the other day. THIS is my JOB and I love my job more than anyone else I know loves their job!

THIS is the work I do that provides for my family and satisfies me. It is difficult and has long hours and requires a huge amount of creativity and discipline. It challenges me and inspires me and has incredible benefits.

There will be a time, when my children are grown, that I may choose to have another career. I seriously hope that when that happens, I don't spend so much time worrying about whether it's good enough.
post #3 of 85
I have always wanted to be a mom, too. I remember when I was young just thinking about being a mom. I feel that I had to keep quiet about it because it would be looked down on in highschool. It seems all of highschool is one big "what are you going to do?" and of course that extends to college.

I did, however, find a passion in science and biology. Tried med school and now I am at a point where I would be disgusted to say I attended med school. For the last couple years, I've been just about killing myself driving forward in school. I've told myself a Ph.d in psychology and/or neuroscience would be great. It would be fulfilling. Gosh I would probably pay to take classes in these fields!

But now I find myself wondering...why?
post #4 of 85
I already had a career. A really good one.

Now, I guess I just don't really think about it. But I still do a lot of non-mom (albeit non-paying) "stuff". When my son was special needs, the management of his care, therapies, etc. provided me with a lot of mental gymnastics. But now that my kids don't require that level of juggling or "work", I definitely seek it out elsewhere.

But I don't need it to be a "career" so to speak... ya know? It's not like I'm itching to get back to some job/career thing outside of the home the second my kids can (insert indicator that it's okay to be outside the home here). I definitely have ambitions to do things, but most of them can be done while being a SAHM... like have a farm that morphs into a CSA.
post #5 of 85
I don't know, I'm really torn right now. Part of me LOVES being a Mother, it is like my life calling but the other part is like...that's it? You are just a Mom? My family acts like making it does not include being a SAHM but having some prestigious career, my Mom escpecially seems to just... want me to have a career. I'm at a crossroads, in my soul I want more children and soon since my son is 2, my mind tells me to concentrate on school and finding a full time job, I don't want both at the same time, I just don't. :
post #6 of 85
I've never been a "career" gal.

I'm happy staying home - I like hanging with my daughter, homeschooling, having my days to teach her/do crafts/do my house stuff. I also have a little freelance writing I do, but I do it for pleasure. If it took off on it's on great, but it's not my goal to be this all start, best selling writer...I'm just kind of a simple gal. Gimme my kids, my books, my house and some pens and I'm happy!
post #7 of 85
i have 2 associates degrees and a bachelors degree...i have worked in a professional environment for 15 years....i had my dream job (an incredibly easy 9-5 with great pay, great benefits, and great flexibility.....i assumed i'd be a working mother.....and then i had my first child....i realized that being a working mother was NOT what i wanted at all, but i hadnt made the proper arrangements in my life to do that, so i had to return to work until i got it all sorted out....had 2 more babies in the mean time (3 babies in 4 years).....and i just recently was able to finally leave my job to be a full time sahm. i turned down several other options, including working part time and working from home. there was NOTHING i could have been offered that would have made me continue to do anything other than be a mom. i am totally happy doing this....being at home all day with the kids...taking care of house things. not every day is perfect...but i would still rather do this than anything else. i have absolutely no desire for "something more". this is not a honeymoon phase for me just because i'm a new sahm, because i did take 4-6 months off with each of my babies, so i knew what i was getting myself into. i have no intention of doing anything outiside of my home for the next 20 years, and i feel quite happy and content with this decision....there is more than enough here to keep me busy and fulfilled. i just hope and pray that nothing happens in my life that forces me to do anything other than this.
post #8 of 85
I have NO interest in having a career. We tried for so long to conceive ds (6 years) & all that time I struggled with finding the "right" job. Turns out this is the right one!
post #9 of 85
I had a fairly groovy and gratifying career. Now I want to be with my kids. When my youngest is in his teens I'll be heading towards 60 so I don't plan on any radical third incarnations. I hope to just have time to read, travel and play. Sometimes I dream of living abroad again and doing the kind of development work I started doing just out of college but I don't feel like I HAVE to do anything but enjoy the fruits of my labor(s) from here on out.

If I had had kids younger, that is before my career, I don't think I would have felt compelled to go out into the world and kick a few buckets over they way I did. I think I would have said, AHA! this is what I am meant to do.

I really like raising my children the way I have been doing it. It's fun for me. I get lots of support for my decisions, too. Which is nice.
post #10 of 85
I will be having children for some time yet and intend to home school them all. I have a degree in engineering but chose not to pursue a career in favor of motherhood. I can see myself returning to school for something entirely different when I'm in my 40s and my youngest children are less dependent on me but thats quite a ways off.
post #11 of 85
Harmony, you are just fine!

Every woman has the right to choose if she wants her career in or out of the home and you made the right choice for you! If being a SAHM is financially feasible and emotionally/intellectually satisfying for you, I say go for it!

I love my outside job and am very passionate about it so I make it work with my family. My SIL, on the other hand, loves being a SAHM and couldn't imagine going back to work. We're both very happy
post #12 of 85
This was def. my way of thinking when I first got pregnant and had kids. I always knew even before I had kids that I want to be a SAHM and I have loved it. I am now going to school full time (online classes though) so I still get to be a SAHM to my 2 girls (they are 3 and 5) It is very busy but the best of both worlds I think. Being a SAHM is so valuable and awesome and I am so glad I have been able to be at home.
post #13 of 85
I have a masters degree and worked as a management consultant prior to becoming a mother. I made good money but hated the work. I love parenting and am considering homeschooling. I never want to return to 9-5 life, but would consider bidding on the occasional contract when my kids get older.
post #14 of 85
I have no interest in anything outside my "realm" of the home. I am *so* happy being a SAHM, homeschooling, I hope to have a bunch more kids and continue in this way for a long time to come. That would be my ideal and what I dreamed of since I was a little girl.

For me, anything other than SAHM is something to think about when my kids are much, much older and independant, and then only if I'm truly bored. I get to play the part of doula for my younger sister, and if that turns out to be something that works well for me, it'll go in the box of things to consider, but not for a loooong time, and probably more along the lines of helping sisters/friend's out than a career.
post #15 of 85
Me too. In fact, I look forward to when they're all in school so I can really sit around and eat bon bons. Ooh, in a clean and organized house! I was a high school teacher for almost 10 yrs, and I can truly say I've always felt work was overrated, lol.
post #16 of 85
You're def not the only one! I used to desperately want my career and thought staying home would bore the life out of me. But now when I think of going back to school again or even if I could get my former dream career, I honestly have no desire for it. When I imagine my dream life I imagine staying home and raising my kids!
post #17 of 85
I'm just not cut out for the working-out-of-the-home world. I consider myself well educated and intelligent, but I just love being the homemaker, mother, and wife. I'm truly happy where I'm at. I don't believe I could be any more fulfilled because of a career outside the home.
post #18 of 85
I was very happy in my previous career in the IT field. Most people I worked with were very surprised when I told them I was quitting my job to stay home with my kids.

My husband and I realized many years ago that we didn't want to have children at all unless one of us stayed home with them. It's an important value for us. When the time came, we decided I'd be the one to stay home.

For us, that's a long-term commitment. When we thought the kids would go to school, we still didn't think having me work other than very part-time would be a good idea. Now we've decided to homeschool, so that creates more demands on my time.

It's certainly possible that I might develop a full-time career again at some point in the future, but it's not something I feel any need for right now. Maybe never, who knows?
post #19 of 85
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone! It is so nice to hear from all of you like minded mamas. I too am planning to homeschool and it excites me to no end (used to teach). I also want to have at least four little chickadees (perhaps with large age gaps as my 16 month ds is still very much in need of me). Who knows. I know one pp touched on the expectations from her mother. I feel that too. I feel like I can't admit that not only do I not plan on working or going to school, I don't even have any desire too. Once when I alluded to it my mom was all like you never know, you have plenty of time to get a phd etc. I feel like it means something to her. But it isn't her life.

I love me life. I can't believe how lucky I am. Every dream I dreamt at 16 has come true. I spend my days with my son. He is the light of my universe. There is nothing else I want to do. At night I feel so happy that tomorrow I get another day with my son. I know this is incredibly cheesy but I do mean it. I'm about to have my period any second so I am super emotional.
post #20 of 85
I don't ever think of a paying, professional career. Ever. This is very much my career. Some day when I've raised (and homeschooled) all my children (only have 1 so far), I'd like to write books, get really involved in a hobby, and do some volunteer work (well, I plan to do that when kids are a bit older).

So this is my career now, that will be my career then.

I don't believe you have to earn a paycheck in order to have a career!

I wanted to add that it really is all about perspective. I don't see myself as having given up a career or as having put a career on hold. Careers are very new in terms of world history. I don't just mean for women/moms, I mean for anyone! For most of history people just worked, i.e. did the work (labor) required for living. That is what I do (and I have fun, too, which is a bonus!)
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