christening

[dachshund mom]

Here's the situation. The ILs are pressuring us to get DD baptized. They are very serious Catholics, as is MILs whole family. We aren't members of a church, although I go to a Unitarian church now and then. DH stopped attending when he left for college and does not want to go to church now, but still considers himself Catholic. His big reasons are tithing, time, some of their stands on social issues.

DH says let's just let MIL plan the thing (at their church, where DH used to go), show up with baby, and get MIL off his back. It's important to his family and isn't hurting her, plus it's her heritage. I'm feeling like it's using DD as a show piece for MIL. I might be ok with it somewhere we attended in our community, welcoming her into the church family, but this feels more like a show.

[kittykat2481]

Then do just what you said. Have the baby baptized at the church where you occaisionally attend. If MIL has a problem with it, remind her that we "recognize one baptism for the forgiveness of sins" - regardless of what kind of church it happens in. That sounds like a good compromise to me. Although, at the end of the day, it's your baby and you make the choices.

[KatWrangler]

As a Cradle Catholic and NOW Atheist I would have a big problem with this. This is a decision YOU and YOUR husband need to make. NOT your MIL or family. Honestly it's none of their business.

off my soap box....

[carmel23]

As a practicing Catholic, I would echo KatWrangler's advice. This isn't something you do "just to please" mother in law. And to a Catholic, it isn't just a show.

When you have your child baptized in the Church, you make a promise to raise you child in the Church, as best you can.

I would encourage you to find a Catholic church where you are comfortable, and have the child baptized there... invite MIL.

[ledzepplon]

Many if not most Catholic priests will not do a baptism unless the parents and godparents are promising to raise the child Catholic. That's kind of the point of baptizing an infant in the Catholic Church. Many churches also require the parents and/or godparents to attend a baptism class so that they understand the sacrament and what they are really committing themselves to.

So I think unless you are really on board, there isn't much point in even telling MIL to plan something. Baptism of an infant really is a sacrament that requires a promise of the parents as well. (And I'm Catholic and love the sacraments, so I really wouldn't discourage you from having your dd baptized--I just think you need to really consider what it entails. Maybe your dh could talk to the priest at his old parish about it in more detail?)

[philomom]

I wouldn't do it. You are setting yourself up for your mil to take over other big events in dd's life.

Oh, and I've seen a "baby blessing" at a UU church. It was lovely ritual that included water from places all over the world that members of the congregation had visited... the water of life.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Baptism, in any church, involves making a vow to God and the church community about raising that child within that faith. In some churches, they do something more along the lines of a "presentation" of the child to the community, but it still has the notion of raising the child within that community. Do you really want to model making false promises for your child? I doubt that is the right way to start your baby's life.

If you want to be part of a faith community, find one that both you and your DH are comfortable with. They don't all involve vast amounts of time and tithing (though most do expect some sort of financial support or will at least ask for it). Different churches have very different takes on various social issues and very different styles of worship. I suspect you could get some suggestions of places to start on the religion section of MDC, though it would be OT on this thread.

But I think a show baptism is just wrong for so many reasons. Its a lie. It cedes control to your MIL. Its not something you are comfortable with. It might not even be possible, depending on the conditions the church would require. I would also worry that it suggests that your DH would rather please his mother than do something that is right for his family.

[lifeguard]

I think it's disrespectful to purposely take part in a ceremony you don't believe in, whether it's a wedding ceremony or baptism or ....

I'm an atheist & respectfully tell people I would be happy to attend their events but to pretend I believe when I don't isn't respecting my myself, others or their beliefs.

[Norasmomma]

I wouldn't do it just to please MIL-oh wait I haven't done it with my own children to please my FIL. I personally don't agree in doing any ritual just to please someone else. Also the PP are right, you promise to raise your child Catholic if you do a Catholic baptism, a priest may give your child a blessing, but the wouldn't do a full on baptism unless you are part of the church.