Which people present at home birth?

[LeilaM]

Hi. I'm new to mothering.com. I'm expecting my first baby in June, and we're hoping to have a home birth. I have a question about who should be there for it.

Right now, the plan is just to have my husband and the midwife there, but I wonder if we should have anybody else present. I read through the huge thread about what people would do differently next time, and a lot of people recommend having a doula, and several people mentioned that there were too many people present at their home birth and that it slowed their labor.

I don't think we can afford a doula. I have been unemployed for the past year, and my husband is working on a month-to-month contract basis, so money is tight.

We're planning to ask my 20-year-old step-daughter if she would like to be there. I think it would be nice if she was, but we have no idea what she'll say when we ask. My only concern is that she's an extremely sensitive person, and I worry that she'll get upset during the birth, especially since I tend to vocalize a lot in general, so I imagine I'll be pretty loud while giving birth. I don't want to feel like I have to hold back because she's there.

I asked my mom if she wanted to be there, and she was very squeamish about the idea and said no. I'm a bit sad about that. I think it would be nice to have my mom there to help support me through it, but I'm not going to force the issue with her.

I can't think of anybody else I would want to have at the birth, but if it ends up just being my husband and the midwife, will it be too much work for them? It would be nice to have somebody there to take pictures and somebody else just to help out as needed.

I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks!

[broodymama]

For my homebirths it was just my husband and the midwife. With DD1 my midwife got there about 15 minutes before she was born, her assistant didn't get there in time. With DD2 my midwife and her assistant got there ~20 minutes before she was born. I like privacy when I birth, so I was happiest with only DH there and the midwives getting there at the end.

[dannic]

My third birth was my first hb. I didn't realize until I was in labor how private I would want it. I had initially invited a close friend and my mom. I didn't call the friend and didn't really want anyone around til I pushed (then, who cares?). I am not inviting anyone this time around--just me, dh, my midwife and her assistant.
I think it's really individual.

[autumnday]

I just had DP & midwife also, definitely not too much work for them compared to what you're doing!! If you are interested in having a doula, you could look into finding a student doula, they often have lower rates while they are doing their certification, you also could see if you could find one who offers a sliding scale, payment plans, or barter if that's a possibility for you. Many of them understand tight financial situations and are willing to work with you, or help you find someone who will if you really want one. All of that being said, I don't think it will be too much work for your DH & midwife.

Whoever you invite, make sure both you and they are comfortable with their presence, it is an intimate time for you and DH. Though it sounds like you are definitely taking that into consideration!

And like, dannic said, you could always ask your step-daughter, and if judging by her response, you don't think she will really want to be there or when the time comes it doesn't seem like a good idea to you, you don't have to call her.

[Belle]

My first homebirth was for my second child. I invited my MIL for my oldest daughter's support person (Dd1 was 3 years old at the time) Dh was there, our two midwives and their apprentice. I never felt like there were too many people.

I would have liked to have had my own mother there, but my mother was such a horrible support person during my first birth. She had an aura of fear about her that was contagious. I love her a lot but birth support is not her forte. If your mom is not okay with births you really don't want her there.

I wouldn't see a problem with your DSD being there. Just be sure to have her watch some birth videos ahead of time so she can know what to expect from a natural birth mom. Its not the same thing as births she may see on a sitcom.

[Nicole730]

This my first homebirth and I am going to have my midwife, her assistant, my husband, my mom, my son (22 months), and my dad around! It will be a houseful. I will kick out my dad and son if I need to. Hopefully not though. My dad is going to be there to watch my son. I also might have a friend come, who really wants to see a baby be born. She would arrive just to see the baby actually come out though. I wouldn't want another person around while I'm laboring around the house. For my first birth (in a hospital) I had my husband, mom, midwife, and one nurse for most of the labor - and then a bunch of nurses added in when it was time to push. My mom took lots of pictures last time and will probably be on picture duty again.

[LeilaM]

Thank you for the responses. They were very helpful!

I think we're still going to ask my stepdaughter if she wants to be there, but we're going to suggest some videos of home births for her to watch before she decides.

I don't think we're going to ask anybody else to be there, and if it's just my husband, the midwife, and me, it sounds like we'll be okay.

Thanks again!

[Sk8ermaiden]

With my last, I had DH, the midwife and her assistant and my mom.

With the next one I will have DH, the midwife, her assistant, my best friend, and possibly my mom. (She took it really hard - like she was great for me, but seeing me in pain was REALLY hard on her - from what I found out later.)

[*MamaJen*]

Do you know if your midwife works with a back-up midwife? Often there are two midwives at the birth.
In addition to doing, you know, midwifely stuff, the back-up midwife took some awesome birth photos for us.
It's hard to say how many people you'll want at the birth. I wound up being a really private birther and not really wanting a crowd. I would be sure that anyone at the birth will not bring negative energy into it.

[LeilaM]

My midwife doesn't have an assistant or anything, so I can only count on my husband and one midwife being there. I like the idea of it just being the three of us, but I would like somebody to take pictures and to act as a gopher if need be so my husband can stay with me as much as possible.

It looks like we're just going to ask my stepdaughter and nobody else. I'm really unsure about how she'll handle it, though, so I want to see how she reacts to seeing some home birth videos on YouTube. I hope she's up for it because I think it would be nice for her to be there, and that would bring the total number of people (including me) to four, which isn't a lot.

Based on my mom's reaction when I asked her, I think she probably wouldn't handle it very well. I wish she could, but oh well. She got really stressed out helping me with a big move one time, so I imagine this would be even worse.

[momasana]

At the birth of my son it was just me, DH, and our midwives (2 midwives and an apprentice). The majority of the time it was just me and DH, with one of our midwives popping in every now and then to check on me. They all came in once I started pushing.

DH was very comfortable being my birth support partner. He's very calm in general and his energy was helpful. If I did not think that he would do well alone, or if he would contribute nervous energy I would have asked someone else to be there, too (to balance things out and help when needed).

[Viola]

I had a doula with my homebirth, and although at first I wasn't sure if I would need a doula at a homebirth, I felt like she was really invaluable. My midwife had an assistant, but the two of them weren't really there for most of my labor.

[LeilaM]

I don't know yet at what point my midwife will be there. I always assumed that she'd come as soon as I started labor, but I should check with her about that when we go for our next appointment. Of course, if she's busy with another birth, that will be a factor.

My husband will be there for me 100% throughout the whole thing. Of that, I have no doubt. I just don't want him to have to run around taking pictures, fetching supplies, or anything else during the birth. That's why I was thinking it would be nice to have somebody else there to help out, so he could stay focused on me and the baby through the whole process. You know what I mean?

But, since I've never been through this before, maybe I'm anticipating it to be a bigger, more complicated, job than it really will be, and we really don't need anybody else there to help. I do have a tendency to over-prepare for things, after all.

[emnic77]

I'll have DH, my midwife and her assistant, a photographer, and possibly a close friend of mine that will help with the kids if needed. I am playing it by ear as far as the kids go (DD is 11 and DS is 4, and both of them have expressed a HUGE interest in being there). I have someone to call if need be, and I also have my sister and her husband downstairs (we live in a two family house together) and can send the kids there if needed as well.

The photographer is a photog student working with some other clients of my midwife, "birth" is the theme of her senior project. She's really sweet and I met her yesterday and will have no problem with her being at the birth. Plus I get some fantastic pictures afterwards, for free, and no one with a vested emotional interest will have to remember to pay attention to the camera.

My midwife also worked as a doula until this year, so I feel like having a doula would be redundant.

It's weird, part of me wants to invite a bunch of friends, just to show them what childbirth can be like - that it's not all Private Practice emergency TV freak outs. But I won't.

[LeilaM]

Originally Posted by emnic77

The photographer is a photog student working with some other clients of my midwife, "birth" is the theme of her senior project. She's really sweet and I met her yesterday and will have no problem with her being at the birth. Plus I get some fantastic pictures afterwards, for free, and no one with a vested emotional interest will have to remember to pay attention to the camera.

The photography student sounds like she'll be perfect! You're so lucky! It makes me wonder if I could get a photography student to photograph my home birth, but I live in a small town, and I would be surprised to fine one. Oh well.

[Snapdragon]

I'm just having my husband, and I guess the midwife and assistant. Though I am not sure at what point the midwife will get there as I feel most comfortable just with my husband and our dogs and me and our baby to be. Maye the midwife at the end. I prefer privacy as some others have mentioned.

[springfever]

I am definitely keeping my number as small as possible. It will be DH, possibly 23 month old DS depending on how things are going/what time it is, our MW, and her student MW who was also our doula for my labour with DS (ended in c/s). Like some other ladies said, feel free to invite your mom and step daughter, then when you are in labour you can decide if you want to call them or not. You'll know for sure what will be best for you then.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Originally Posted by LeilaM

My husband will be there for me 100% throughout the whole thing. Of that, I have no doubt. I just don't want him to have to run around taking pictures, fetching supplies, or anything else during the birth. That's why I was thinking it would be nice to have somebody else there to help out, so he could stay focused on me and the baby through the whole process. You know what I mean?

But, since I've never been through this before, maybe I'm anticipating it to be a bigger, more complicated, job than it really will be, and we really don't need anybody else there to help. I do have a tendency to over-prepare for things, after all.

Well, I suppose you can look at your situation and try to tell.

With my labor, it was quite fast. My husband was 100% focused on me. Well, my mom did drag him away once every few hours to make him go grab a drink and take a break. He would be back within minutes, but he said it really helped him that my mom could take over the counterpressure for a minute (because that is allllll he did - his poor hands!). She also brought me drinks and snacks. At one point she ran to the store to buy something for my blood pressure.

At my friend's birth, it was 30 hours long. The midwives did a lot of sleeping as it ran through the night. She didn't have a nice garden tub or a big water heater and I spent like 20 hours boiling water and carrying it to the BPIAB. I also got drinks and snacks and took pictures and ran to the store for something for her blood pressure (lol). I did a LOT and was so tired afterward.

[tygrss]

I just had my midwife, husband and DS (who was asleep for the entire birth). Typically, the assistant midwife shows up with my midwife, but this baby was born in the middle of a huge snowstorm so that didn't happen (actually, my MW camped out at my house the over 24 hours because she had a hunch that I would go into labor soon--she was right. ). Anyhow, I liked the intimacy of my birth and pretty much knew that I would (since my FSBC birth was essentially the same, but with two midwives there).