Stress and my baby

[morgainesmama]

I'm going through custody crap with xh right now. The stress of it, and the stress of emails I receive from him where he says (and seems to believe) things that are so blatantly outrageous or false that I wonder how far out of touch with reality he's gotten in the 5 years we've been apart, are overwhelming me.

I know the stress is bad for my wee babe (I'm 19 weeks) and it's also causing me to not want to eat anything except sometimes sweets for comfort. So I'm not sleeping or eating well, I'm sad and worried, and then I get even more sad and worried because I'm worried if I'm hurting my baby with all the stress and poor nutrition.

I guess I'm hoping for a little reassurance that my lo will be ok, that I'm hot hurting him or her, or suggestions on how to force myself to eat well right now.

[tri31]

I have had allot of stress during this pregnancy, as well. I like to think baby knows nothing of earth's troubles yet. As far as food choices go, try to remind yourself that the nutrients in natural foods can help our mood. Diet is also something you can control, in times when things are going bad. Don't beat yourself up. Try to welcome the better days that are ahead.

[RedOakMomma]

I went through a very stressful time while pregnant with ds3. One of my older sons was hospitalized, operated on, and spent a while in the ICU for brain surgery.

I worried how the stress would affect the baby, but ds3 is the healthiest, sunniest, sweetest kid. Honestly, I think being pregnant with him helped ME more than anything during that time...when everything was so stressful, it was a joy to think of the innocent little person in my belly, to feel his kicks, to think of the future with this little one.

Try to compartmentalize as much as you can...the pain and stress of this situation is temporary, and only part of your life. I don't know if it helps you, but for me it's very helpful to get away for an afternoon and be someplace beautiful...whatever is lovely to you...a park, a city, a shore...some place to breathe deep and see a wider perspective of life.

[sharr610]

Babes are pretty tough and I'm sure yours is fine. With that said, I had a dear friend whose husband decided to go crazy when she hit 30 weeks and started talking about divorce out of now where. It was super stressful. She ended up seeing an accupuncturist pretty regularly. It REALLY helped with her stress level and appetite.

[lisko15]

...

From about week 12 through 40 of my pgcy with DD I had a ton of stress from my now XH, who at the time I was married to and living with.

He suffered from depression, paranoid delusions, self-medicated with various legal and illegal drugs, threw things, hit walls, and it was just generally a very, very toxic and ugly environment. There were good days, and days when I threatened to leave if he didn't get help.

Being PG this time around (even with my wonderful and extremely supportive now DH) has brought a lot of these memories to the forefront.

(XH and I did end up separating when DD was 6 months old, and continue to have custody/visitation issues to this day.)

However, onto your question - it was a terribly stressful time throughout my pgcy, but my DD is completely healthy. Perhaps not the sunniest of personalities, as she can occasionally be pretty stubborn and moody, but she loves me dearly and can also be so very, very sweet too. I think your little one will be 100% fine. As for eating, try to eat some sweet fruits when you can. I know I didn't eat great when PG with DD and she was chubby and very healthy - 9 lbs 8 oz.

As for taking away some of your stress - try to find a PG mom Pilates or Stretching class. I do a Pilates Stretching DVD at home and I find the exercises and breathing so relaxing and just NICE. Try to stay away mentally and emotionally from your XH's behavior as much as you can.

Hope things improve!

[jsh7809]

Sorry you're having such a hard time! I went through some rough stress in the first trimester and worrying about how it was affecting the baby made me feel way more stressed out and anxious... a tough vicious cycle
I think it affects you more than the baby - the baby growing in there is kind of on autopilot, and while of course you want to give him or her the best growing environment you can, you need first and foremost to get yourself nourished however you can. Easier said than done, I know!
To add to the stories, I have a friend who has two daughters, and when she was about 5 months pregnant with the second, she broke up with her husband, was going through a divorce and really struggling mentally. She ended up in the mental hospital and had to be monitored constantly for the heart rate she just couldn't seem to calm down (which led to her being on some kind of anti anxiety prescription drugs ultimately). They were very concerned about the affect all of this would have on the baby, and she was just not able to take good care of herself during most of her pregnancy.
That said - her youngest daughter is so happy, healthy, and wonderful. She's actually one of the calmest, cutest kids I know, and brings her mom so much joy every day.
So try to do what you can, and hopefully knowing you're not alone will help you get some peace!

[organicpapayamama]

Im so sorry you are stressed and going through this hun. thought I would put my 2 cents in. When I was pg with DS my DH at the time left me a week after I got my bfp and on the day that I was spotting and freaking out that it could be a miscarriage. We had just lost dd 5 months before so this was a hard time for me. when dh left he stole every penny I had in my account... not our joint account, my account. He went on to lose his job and not be able to help with any of the HUGE debt we acquired together. A few months later when I was 4 months along the company I work for went bankrupt and I lost my job. I went on job interview after job interview and no one wanted to hire a prego lady. I was beyond stressed. Then the crazy emails and texts from my ex started to take its toll on me. I thought for sure my baby was gonna come out with some sort of problem from how stressed I was. I hardly ate, I only gained about 15 pounds the entire pregnancy... fast forward to today I have an almost 2 yr old ds who is perfect as can be. No emotional problems or anything.

Im sure everything will be fine with your baby as well but do try and calm down as much as possible. PM me if you ever wanna chat.

[janevar]

Please take care of yourSELF first... remember the old adage, "place oxygen mask on yourself, then on your child." If you can get some acupuncture, pilates, yoga, or other stress-reduction techniques, that is key. I've even heard good things about meditation cds. Try not to worry about "infecting" your baby with your stress-- that is something i fear as well but why add worry to worry? You will only stress yourself out further. Nothing is more stressful than a custody battle; please be kind to yourself and find some peaceful place to go to.

Another plug for acupuncture-- the practitioner i last saw said he has a "happy baby" point that he believes places a barrier between maternal stress and the fetus...

[morgainesmama]

Thanks so much for sharing your stories with me. Wow, some of you mamas have been through some really tough times in your pregnancies!!!

xh and I nearly divorced during the third pregnancy; reading this reminded me that my youngest is such a sweet boy, was 10 pounds at birth, and probably my eating got sketchy during the stress then, too.

I've been taking a lot of "me" time -- coffee or cake with friends (should probably do tea or avocados with friends instead, lol) when the kids are with dad, and belly dance classes on Thursday nights, which includes some yoga stressing and some great mamas to chat with.

Court is Monday -- I've just been so wound with the drama, trying to take care of the three already born (emotionally) when they're needing me so much, take care of me, and take care of babe-in-womb, I was especially sad and overwhelmed this morning. This afternoon, I met a friend (for coffee and cake, lol), chatted, and got a bit of sunshine, and I'm feeling somewhat better.

It is such a vicious cycle of worrying, worrying about worrying, then worrying some more!