Childcare at someone's house w a pool

[es1967]

Not sure if this is in the right place but here it goes. I'm looking for some PT childcare while I work out of the home PT and a few days at an office. My MIL has a pool. Everytime we mention babysitting she wants us to bring DS over to her home. Nothing is childproofed and she has a pool right outside her door. She is 70 yrs old and I just don't feel its safe for my son. My husband thinks I am crazy and so does my MIL. We live in Florida and pool drowning is one of the number one causes of death in children under 5 yrs of age. I know my MIL loves my son and would never let anything happen intentionally but I just don't want to do it. We live about 3 miles from her house so its very close for her to come over. I know she is doing us a favor but I want a sitter to come to our home where everything is childproofed etc. We do also have a pool but we live in a condo on the 3rd floor and there is a gate. My DH cannot understand that I don't trust his mother and everytime she wants to babysit I ask if she can come over to our house.
Am I being too cautious?

[MariaMadly]

No, you're not being too cautious. This is so hard, because you know everyone's intentions are good, but you're doing the right thing by everyone. If it helps, point out that it's not a case of protecting your child from MIL (which people can take as adversarial) but protecting her as well.

[inkslinger]

I don't think you're being overly cautious at all. I wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my kids at any house with a pool that isn't fenced in, especially not with an elderly person. Something can happen in the blink of an eye! I think you can find a way to gently explain your position to your H and your MIL. Good luck!!

[mamatoablessing]

We also live in Florida and totally understand what you are saying. I most certainly would not be comfortable leaving my young child in a home a) that hasn't been properly childproofed (not just the pool area, but the whole home) and b) that has a pool (at least not before my kids were able to swim). Your reasons are perfectly valid and realisitc.

It's actually concerning that your DH and MIL do not understand these dangers. My parents had a pool when our kids were non-swimmers and my mother installed high locks on every outside door and door alarms. She also fully childproofed her home including cabinet locks, gates, rearranging furniture and knicks-knacks, etc. She knew that if she didn't, I wouldn't allow her to watch the kids at her home. And frankly, she didn't want to watch the kids in her home and have to worry about something happening to them on "her watch".

Stand strong on this one, Mama.

[just_lily]

At three, depending on the child, I might be able to find a bit of a compromise.

I don't think that a three-year-old needs a fully baby-proofed environment. They are old enough to not be getting into absolutely everything. Of course real hazards need to be completely inaccessable, like cleaning supplies and medicine, but I wouldn't approach it that she needs locks on her pot cupboard and whatnot.

A three-year-old is also old enough to begin to understand the dangers of going near the pool. Of course not 100%, and of course impluse control is still very sketchy, but you can at least start the conversation.

So for a three-year-old I would probably be ok if the outer doors to the home were all either locked up high, or had child-proof covers on the knobs. If I was reasonably confident that the child wouldn't be able to get outside on their own, I would be ok with the pool.

This is also dependent on not having a Houdini-like child who would be determined to break out. In that case, I would have to make other arrangements.

[ed_tricia]

I agree with all of them. I don't think there's such a thing as overly cautious when there is a known danger. There are many potential dangers in a home that doesn't have a child there. My big concern in other people's homes is medication-on a counter is just not good enough. I do have a sister w/ an above ground pool that doesn't have a fence and her back door doesn't lock securely (it can still be opened when locked and then the person can lock themselves out) and my child will not be there without my husband or I. I try to be polite with all our family, but I'm not willing to put my child's welfare above the feelings of others. You need to do what you can to keep your kid safe and if that means having MIL come to your house, that's the way it needs to be.

[Jenivere]

I don't think your being overly cautious. Unless she's willing to do at least small amount of babyproofing like locks high on the doors so your child can't get to the pool then I wouldn't agree to it.

[ollyoxenfree]

You are not being over-protective about the pool. It is all too easy for a child to drown in the situation you describe. Even if the child is school aged, I would want a fenced pool with locked gate access. You wouldn't have to search hard to find heartbreaking stories about backyard pool drownings - they happen every summer. I"m sure you can find a fair amount of information about pool safety to provide to your partner and MIL - perhaps that would help convince them.

[betsyj]

An unsecured pool and an elderly MIL? My God no. It is not something I would budge on one little bit.

In many cases there is room to compromise when it comes to child proofing but a pool is not one of them.

I am pretty sure in my state that there are strict regulations regarding fencing when it comes to pools. Is this not the case in Florida?

[AmyKT]

Yikes. I am not an overly cautious person at all, but pools and little kids make me very nervous. I know someone whose 3-yr-old drowned in a friend's pool while the mom and a few other adults were there. He just slipped away from them. It was so tragic. Never, never would I let my child hang out at a house with an unfenced pool unless I was watching her at all times.

[KMK_Mama]

I would never allow my child to go to a home with an unfenced pool. I would also be more comfortable in general to have her to come to your home, since everything your child would need is there.

[Thalia]

I grew up in AZ (and was a lifeguard, too) and I would definitely share your concerns.

[Arduinna]

Either you trust your child care provider or you don't. Pool or no pool. There are 50 million other things that your kid can be hurt or killed by in any home. A pool is just one. IME people that don't have, or didn't grow up around a pool are much more fearful of them around their children than those of us that did/do.

Having a pool is not an automatic disqualification for me.

[My3guys]

I am super fanatical about the pool thing. When my children were toddlers, we went to visit my in-laws who have a pool and nothing child-proofed. I was so freaked out about it that my husband asked them to drain the pool while we were there. There were simply too many points of access and too many people in the house (all my husbands 20 something brothers) who just don't think in a childproofing way. In the end, it was just easier to drain it. Kind of crazy that when we wanted to go swimming, we had to go to the Y, but it is the solution that worked best.

So, no, I don't think you are being overly cautious.

[mamatoablessing]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Either you trust your child care provider or you don't. Pool or no pool. There are 50 million other things that your kid can be hurt or killed by in any home. A pool is just one. IME people that don't have, or didn't grow up around a pool are much more fearful of them around their children than those of us that did/do.

Having a pool is not an automatic disqualification for me.

I disagree. Just because you trust a caregiver, doesn't mean accidents can't or won't happen. For the most part, I'd rather have that accident be something inside the house rather than in the pool. The chances of a positive outcome are better, imo.

BTW, DH and I built a pool last summer. Our children are 5 and 3. I do not have any fear of the pool when it comes to my children. Of course, they've been able to swim/float since they were 18 months old. Living in Florida, babyproofing a pool is a number #1 priority for anyone I know with a pool (toddler gate, door and window alarms, screens, fences, internal pool alarms, etc.). This doesn't equal fear; it's just responsible living.

[CallMeMommy]

My DCP has a pool and the kids swim almost every day in the summer, but it's fenced and not accessible from the outside (latches only on the inside of the fence, fence high enough that kids can't reach over). I have no problems with this. Your situation? Un-uh, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

[Drummer's Wife]

I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation.

[Bena]

You mention she lives close to your house and you want a sitter to come over. If it is only the pool thing you are concerned about, could you propose that she comes over and babysits and your house? That way, she still gets to be involved in childcare (which she seems to want) and you could present it to her as a better situation for you child since he'd be with his own things, his own house that he knows and that is childproof.


Now, completely off topic....in our community, there are some pretty strict municipal laws about enclosing pools and the type of lock, gate and fence you must have. I guess this is not the case for you?

[JessicaS]

There is no way in heck I would allow that. You are not at all crazy. I would do the same.

I would not allow my child to go to a home with an unfenced pool without me or dh being there the whole time.

I was a lifeguard and on the swim team.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by My3guys

I am super fanatical about the pool thing. When my children were toddlers, we went to visit my in-laws who have a pool and nothing child-proofed. I was so freaked out about it that my husband asked them to drain the pool while we were there. There were simply too many points of access and too many people in the house (all my husbands 20 something brothers) who just don't think in a childproofing way. In the end, it was just easier to drain it. Kind of crazy that when we wanted to go swimming, we had to go to the Y, but it is the solution that worked best.

So, no, I don't think you are being overly cautious.

Was it an inground pool?

An empty pool is actually more dangerous to children than one with water. The danger of falling in and being seriously injured is higher in a drained pool. No way would I suggest draining an inground pool as a so called "safety" measure. Imagine the outcome of a top heavy toddler falling into the deep end of a drained inground pool. They can easily crack their head open and even die.