I have been away from these boards for a while, but I'm glad to be back! A little about me and my family: My hubby and now four kids and I live on a mini-ranch (10 acres) in Gig Harbor, Washington. We raise mostly Dexter cattle, a very small breed. We also have a large organic garden, we homeschool, and we are as self-sufficient as possible. Dh is a Boeing engineer and I am a birth doula, serving mostly homebirthing women and those birthing at birth centers like the birthing inn in Tacoma. This is my fourth birth, my third homebirth. My first birth 6.5 years ago was a completely intervention-free birth in a hospital. It was not a fun experience. My fantastic midwife Amy Gordon has been with my for all three of my homebirths, and my dear friend and doula Erin Taylor in Lynnwood has been with me for my last two births. In the story, I refer to my kids a couple of times- Sam is 6, Melina is 4 and Elsa is almost 2. Here is Ben's story.....
Four days before Benjamin's due date, I kept awakening early in the morning with ctx. I couldn't see a clock and
wasn't timing them, but somehow figured in my foggy state, that they were about 3-4 minutes apart. I was peaceful
and content and mostly asleep. Suddenly it occurred to me that this was baby day! I almost shouted for joy!! I
waited for a few more ctx to pass, then softly woke Dennis and said "We're having the baby today, Dennis. Don't go
to work, ok? Now go back to sleep." He jerked awake and said, "What? Are you sure? The baby is coming today?" I
asked him what time it was just as his alarm went off- 5am. I guessed that I had been contracting for about an hour.
As soon as I told Dennis about the contractions, they slowed way down. For the last couple of days, my body had been
trying to go into labor, but my uterus was really sensitive to attention and stress, and ctx always slowed when I
paid them any attention or got stressed at all. At 5:45am I texted my doula Erin Taylor with the message "Baby Day!"
and she promptly called. She had just gotten home from a trip the night before and was sick due to her pregnancy.
She also could only attend a daytime birth. We knew that most likely she wouldn't make the birth. She asked if I
wanted her to come and I asked how she felt. She said, somewhat unconvincingly, that she was fine. I told her to go
back to sleep and I would keep her posted. It could still be many many hours....
The ctx slowed to every 10 mins apart or so. I got up and walked around the house, tidying up for the birth. I was
certain that it would be this day, maybe just later in the day. I went onto contractionmaster.com to time the ctx.
They were from 7-15 mins apart and I was annoyed to see them recorded at such irregular intervals, so I stopped
timing them. Dennis stayed in bed but says that he didn't sleep for the excitement (yes, of the 4th!). I showered
and willed my ctx to get more regular. Eventually, maybe 7am or so, Dennis woke and started puttering around while I
wandered around the house with contractions. They were still not close together but were pretty painful when they
came. I called Erin and asked if she felt up to coming to a birth today. I warned her that it could be a long ways
off. She said she'd be on her way asap. It would take her around 2 hours, coming from Lynnwood. Dennis asked if we
should call the midwife and I said no. No reason until I was pretty sure the birth was only a couple of hours away.
She had appointments today and I wanted her to miss as few as possible.
With Elsa's birth, my ctx all stopped for about 4 hours when my kids woke up in the morning at 8am. They didn't
resume til the kids were taken away at noon. We were coming up on 8am and I was beginning to hear them stir
upstairs. I knew the labor would stall again if I had to feed, change or dress any of them. I needed to focus on
this baby in order for him to come. I asked Dennis to call my mom and have her come pick up the kids at 8. She
agreed and came. She was here for about 30 minutes getting the kids ready to go and during that time I hid in my
bathroom but didn't have one ctx. She brought them in to say goodbye, hugged me and told me to know I was loved, and
took them to her house. As soon as she left my body was racked with several intense close ctx. I told Dennis to call
Amy, the mw right away. He hadn't been with me for about an hour and asked if I really thought I was in labor. I
nearly clobbered him in my anger and assurred him I WAS in labor. I went out to eat some spicy cheese thinking it
would help stir things up even more.
By the time Amy returned our page, I was having minute long ctx, every 2
minutes at least. They were intense and painful. They felt like 7-9cm ctx to me
Amy asked if this was a heads-up
call, or if she should be on her way. I told Dennis to tell her that I thought baby could come any time. She said
she'd come asap but was about an hour away. She arrived 45 minutes later and said that she expected to have missed
it. After the call to Amy, I went into our room and leaned over a dresser, willing the ctx away. I had always said I
wasn't afraid to catch my own baby, and I don't think I was. But I couldn't imagine giving birth without Amy or Erin
here. And I really wanted a water birth but didn't feel comfortable being in the water alone if baby was coming. So
for nearly 45 minutes I held perfectly still and each time I felt a ctx come, I made it stop. Dennis kept coming in
to ask if I was contracting or what was happening. I couldn't answer or even shake my head. It would make one come
if I did. Poor Dennis was so confused. Just before Amy arrived, I was 'moved' to spend some time in the bathroom.
Then leaned over the sink in the bathroom again with no ctx. Amy came in and asked if I was contracting. I said no,
then I didn't know. I think I told her that I had made them stop, but I don't remember much from that time.
Eventually either she offered or I asked to be checked. Erin came around the time of the check. I was about 8cm with
a bulging bag of water. I was so disappointed. I had wanted to get checked when I was complete, like Elsa's birth.
Amy reminded me how fast multip moms like me move from 8 to complete, especially when the water breaks. I asked if I
could try to push a little and break my water. I didn't have any fear of pushing too early and swelling the cervix
because of the cushion of water. Amy agreed to let me try to gently push.
I got into the birth tub and barely beared down with each. Nothing happened but it didn't feel too bad and gave me
something to do with each ctx. I remember being more alert in the tub. Dennis, Amy, Erin and I talked about lots of
things totally un-birth-related and would just stop to let me contract occasionally. The water felt so amazing. I
wasn't afraid to bring on the ctx there because they were so tolerable in the water. I lunged, squatted, leaned,
reclined, sat, floated and let the water hold my weight so I didn't have to. I could reach in and feel the bag of
water inside. Such a neat thing to touch!
Suddenly I couldn't talk in between ctx anymore. I asked for my music
(Dave Irish) to be turned on, and for my lavendar-orange scent. I also asked for a fan that I had them all turning
on and off constantly at my request They were all so supportive and encouraging. Amy suggested when things got
really hard again, that Ben was floating with that huge bag of unbroken water, and wasn't descending onto the
cervix. No matter how hard I pushed, I couldn't get his head low enough to break my water. I needed more gravity
than the tub would afford me. She asked me to come lay on my belly ring (my inflatable pool ring). I got out of the
tub and came to the bed. I tried to lay on it, but the instant it touched my tummy I panicked and jumped up off of
it. I made them take it away and agreed to lie on my side. Erin was there in front of me, quiet, while Amy and
Dennis were elsewhere, probably the kitchen. The ctx were intense but tolerable and I fell asleep in between each
one. It was a great rest and I'm so thankful for it. I had been eating and drinking at everyone's request and was
tired, but not too fatigued to keep going. I had no idea of the time, but looking back, I think it was around 11am.
Something changed again and I suddenly needed to get up. I leaned over the bed, I squatted on the floor, and I did a
knee-chest position on the bed which relieved a lot of pressure and gave another short break. Amy said that I needed
to let gravity help and should get into the shower and stand upright. I could only lean way over and be comfortable,
so I didn't know how that would work, but I didn't argue. They helped me into the shower. Erin sat outside to be
with me, and I, unable to stand upright, leaned over out of the shower with my upper body as I endured extremely
hard ctx. After maybe 15 minutes I whispered to Erin to get Amy. She came in and I said I needed her to break my
water. We were all surprised. We had talked about the risks, particularly with a high floating baby. There was a
good chance that he could lock into a really bad, posterior position. He had been posterior for weeks and nothing I
had done would turn him longer than a few minutes or maybe an hour. I had been feeling his limbs in front all
morning and was worried about him coming out sunnyside up....
I don't know if I consciously thought that he might rotate to anterior when my water was broken, or if I just
figured he appeared to never be coming out otherwise. But I convinced Amy that I wanted to do it. While she went to
set up for the AROM, I asked Erin if it was the right thing to do. I was scared. But I was also scared to do
nothing. I said a couple of times to Amy and Erin that I was afraid this birth would be like Melina's where I was
stalled around 7cm for several hours. It was a scary, lonely experience that I didn't want to repeat. Both of them
assurred me that Ben would have his own birth story. As much pain as I was in, the fear was much much worse. I went
inside myself and didn't allow anyone to help me. I couldn't handle much talking and no one was allowed to touch me.
That is, unless I was screaming at them to push on my back HARD. Amy and Erin took turns as I was extremely
demanding.
Dennis supported us all well- getting food, tweaking the birth tub temperature at my every whim, and doing physical tasks
for everyone.
Back to the story... I forced myself to smile weakly at Dennis who I passed on my way out of the bathroom. He looked
worried. Erin and Amy helped me onto my back on my bed where Amy had set up plastic dropcloths and tarps in
preparation for breaking the water... just in case. There was no indication that there was an unusual amount of
fluid however. When she broke it, we were all glad for the tarps. There was a ton! Amy suggested sitting on the
potty for a few ctx. I hardly got off the bed before one hit, I squatted to the ground and pushed hard. Amy asked
then and many other times if I felt an urge to push. I couldn't answer her. It wasn't strong, but my body preferred
it over not pushing. I felt closely for anything like pinching that might indicate that the cervix would swell,
being not fully dilated, but didn't feel it. It finally felt really right to push. Amy had said she really couldn't
tell if the back of the cervix was completely gone with the water bag intact, and didn't check after if was broken.
We just closely monitered my feelings and body signs as to whether pushing was safe. I made it to the toilet and
again pushed. It was the first time I had ever pushed on the potty! It works great! I was curious as I pushed, about
the fact that I had never really had to push before in any other labor. A little, but not like this. My spirits were
great as I pushed. I no longer felt scared or stuck. This felt right and I was so glad we had broken my water.
After
a while on the toilet, I asked if I could go back to the bed and lie on my back to push! Everyone was surprised as I
would ordinarily never suggest something like this! But my body was compelling me to go. I laid on my back and
pushed with all my might. I asked Amy if any thing was changing several times and when on the toilet had been able
to reach inside and feel his head, trying to moniter his descent. I didn't notice any change from one push to the
next, and wanted to! Suddenly, Amy saw the head! She ran to grab the birth supplies and bring them over to the bed.
I yelled for Dennis who was out of the room. I was afraid he would miss the birth. I was calling for Amy to help me,
to catch him, and to stop pulling on me! She insisted she wasn't touching me... it was Ben's head! When his head was
emerging, Amy said to reach down and feel him. But my belly was so huge that I couldn't! They tried to prop me
up so I could feel. Another couple of pushes pulling on Dennis hand, and Amy said he was coming
out totally posterior! I felt again and asked "Is that his nose?" It was! Amy said he was so cute... she felt bad
that she got to see him before I did! I remember screaming in the midst of a push for someone to turn on the video
camera and take pictures! I pushed out his head, then waited a while before pushing out his body. His chest, just
like Sam's, was bigger around than his head! Amy had me help pull him up onto my chest where I cried and cried.
Thankful to have another son, and thankful to be done with such a hard labor! When he came out, even more fluid came
with him. Everything and everyone in the room got soaked! We were all amazed at this huge baby 9lbs 6oz, in so much
fluid. And that I was able to push him out with relative ease, sunny side up! Thank you Lord for an amazing birth
and a beautiful son, Benjamin Douglas Tilzey, born at 1:20pm on 1/20/2010.
Four days before Benjamin's due date, I kept awakening early in the morning with ctx. I couldn't see a clock and
wasn't timing them, but somehow figured in my foggy state, that they were about 3-4 minutes apart. I was peaceful
and content and mostly asleep. Suddenly it occurred to me that this was baby day! I almost shouted for joy!! I
waited for a few more ctx to pass, then softly woke Dennis and said "We're having the baby today, Dennis. Don't go
to work, ok? Now go back to sleep." He jerked awake and said, "What? Are you sure? The baby is coming today?" I
asked him what time it was just as his alarm went off- 5am. I guessed that I had been contracting for about an hour.
As soon as I told Dennis about the contractions, they slowed way down. For the last couple of days, my body had been
trying to go into labor, but my uterus was really sensitive to attention and stress, and ctx always slowed when I
paid them any attention or got stressed at all. At 5:45am I texted my doula Erin Taylor with the message "Baby Day!"
and she promptly called. She had just gotten home from a trip the night before and was sick due to her pregnancy.
She also could only attend a daytime birth. We knew that most likely she wouldn't make the birth. She asked if I
wanted her to come and I asked how she felt. She said, somewhat unconvincingly, that she was fine. I told her to go
back to sleep and I would keep her posted. It could still be many many hours....
The ctx slowed to every 10 mins apart or so. I got up and walked around the house, tidying up for the birth. I was
certain that it would be this day, maybe just later in the day. I went onto contractionmaster.com to time the ctx.
They were from 7-15 mins apart and I was annoyed to see them recorded at such irregular intervals, so I stopped
timing them. Dennis stayed in bed but says that he didn't sleep for the excitement (yes, of the 4th!). I showered
and willed my ctx to get more regular. Eventually, maybe 7am or so, Dennis woke and started puttering around while I
wandered around the house with contractions. They were still not close together but were pretty painful when they
came. I called Erin and asked if she felt up to coming to a birth today. I warned her that it could be a long ways
off. She said she'd be on her way asap. It would take her around 2 hours, coming from Lynnwood. Dennis asked if we
should call the midwife and I said no. No reason until I was pretty sure the birth was only a couple of hours away.
She had appointments today and I wanted her to miss as few as possible.
With Elsa's birth, my ctx all stopped for about 4 hours when my kids woke up in the morning at 8am. They didn't
resume til the kids were taken away at noon. We were coming up on 8am and I was beginning to hear them stir
upstairs. I knew the labor would stall again if I had to feed, change or dress any of them. I needed to focus on
this baby in order for him to come. I asked Dennis to call my mom and have her come pick up the kids at 8. She
agreed and came. She was here for about 30 minutes getting the kids ready to go and during that time I hid in my
bathroom but didn't have one ctx. She brought them in to say goodbye, hugged me and told me to know I was loved, and
took them to her house. As soon as she left my body was racked with several intense close ctx. I told Dennis to call
Amy, the mw right away. He hadn't been with me for about an hour and asked if I really thought I was in labor. I
nearly clobbered him in my anger and assurred him I WAS in labor. I went out to eat some spicy cheese thinking it
would help stir things up even more.
By the time Amy returned our page, I was having minute long ctx, every 2
minutes at least. They were intense and painful. They felt like 7-9cm ctx to me
Amy asked if this was a heads-upcall, or if she should be on her way. I told Dennis to tell her that I thought baby could come any time. She said
she'd come asap but was about an hour away. She arrived 45 minutes later and said that she expected to have missed
it. After the call to Amy, I went into our room and leaned over a dresser, willing the ctx away. I had always said I
wasn't afraid to catch my own baby, and I don't think I was. But I couldn't imagine giving birth without Amy or Erin
here. And I really wanted a water birth but didn't feel comfortable being in the water alone if baby was coming. So
for nearly 45 minutes I held perfectly still and each time I felt a ctx come, I made it stop. Dennis kept coming in
to ask if I was contracting or what was happening. I couldn't answer or even shake my head. It would make one come
if I did. Poor Dennis was so confused. Just before Amy arrived, I was 'moved' to spend some time in the bathroom.
Then leaned over the sink in the bathroom again with no ctx. Amy came in and asked if I was contracting. I said no,
then I didn't know. I think I told her that I had made them stop, but I don't remember much from that time.
Eventually either she offered or I asked to be checked. Erin came around the time of the check. I was about 8cm with
a bulging bag of water. I was so disappointed. I had wanted to get checked when I was complete, like Elsa's birth.
Amy reminded me how fast multip moms like me move from 8 to complete, especially when the water breaks. I asked if I
could try to push a little and break my water. I didn't have any fear of pushing too early and swelling the cervix
because of the cushion of water. Amy agreed to let me try to gently push.
I got into the birth tub and barely beared down with each. Nothing happened but it didn't feel too bad and gave me
something to do with each ctx. I remember being more alert in the tub. Dennis, Amy, Erin and I talked about lots of
things totally un-birth-related and would just stop to let me contract occasionally. The water felt so amazing. I
wasn't afraid to bring on the ctx there because they were so tolerable in the water. I lunged, squatted, leaned,
reclined, sat, floated and let the water hold my weight so I didn't have to. I could reach in and feel the bag of
water inside. Such a neat thing to touch!
Suddenly I couldn't talk in between ctx anymore. I asked for my music
(Dave Irish) to be turned on, and for my lavendar-orange scent. I also asked for a fan that I had them all turning
on and off constantly at my request
They were all so supportive and encouraging. Amy suggested when things gotreally hard again, that Ben was floating with that huge bag of unbroken water, and wasn't descending onto the
cervix. No matter how hard I pushed, I couldn't get his head low enough to break my water. I needed more gravity
than the tub would afford me. She asked me to come lay on my belly ring (my inflatable pool ring). I got out of the
tub and came to the bed. I tried to lay on it, but the instant it touched my tummy I panicked and jumped up off of
it. I made them take it away and agreed to lie on my side. Erin was there in front of me, quiet, while Amy and
Dennis were elsewhere, probably the kitchen. The ctx were intense but tolerable and I fell asleep in between each
one. It was a great rest and I'm so thankful for it. I had been eating and drinking at everyone's request and was
tired, but not too fatigued to keep going. I had no idea of the time, but looking back, I think it was around 11am.
Something changed again and I suddenly needed to get up. I leaned over the bed, I squatted on the floor, and I did a
knee-chest position on the bed which relieved a lot of pressure and gave another short break. Amy said that I needed
to let gravity help and should get into the shower and stand upright. I could only lean way over and be comfortable,
so I didn't know how that would work, but I didn't argue. They helped me into the shower. Erin sat outside to be
with me, and I, unable to stand upright, leaned over out of the shower with my upper body as I endured extremely
hard ctx. After maybe 15 minutes I whispered to Erin to get Amy. She came in and I said I needed her to break my
water. We were all surprised. We had talked about the risks, particularly with a high floating baby. There was a
good chance that he could lock into a really bad, posterior position. He had been posterior for weeks and nothing I
had done would turn him longer than a few minutes or maybe an hour. I had been feeling his limbs in front all
morning and was worried about him coming out sunnyside up....
I don't know if I consciously thought that he might rotate to anterior when my water was broken, or if I just
figured he appeared to never be coming out otherwise. But I convinced Amy that I wanted to do it. While she went to
set up for the AROM, I asked Erin if it was the right thing to do. I was scared. But I was also scared to do
nothing. I said a couple of times to Amy and Erin that I was afraid this birth would be like Melina's where I was
stalled around 7cm for several hours. It was a scary, lonely experience that I didn't want to repeat. Both of them
assurred me that Ben would have his own birth story. As much pain as I was in, the fear was much much worse. I went
inside myself and didn't allow anyone to help me. I couldn't handle much talking and no one was allowed to touch me.
That is, unless I was screaming at them to push on my back HARD. Amy and Erin took turns as I was extremely
demanding.
Dennis supported us all well- getting food, tweaking the birth tub temperature at my every whim, and doing physical tasks
for everyone.
Back to the story... I forced myself to smile weakly at Dennis who I passed on my way out of the bathroom. He looked
worried. Erin and Amy helped me onto my back on my bed where Amy had set up plastic dropcloths and tarps in
preparation for breaking the water... just in case. There was no indication that there was an unusual amount of
fluid however. When she broke it, we were all glad for the tarps. There was a ton! Amy suggested sitting on the
potty for a few ctx. I hardly got off the bed before one hit, I squatted to the ground and pushed hard. Amy asked
then and many other times if I felt an urge to push. I couldn't answer her. It wasn't strong, but my body preferred
it over not pushing. I felt closely for anything like pinching that might indicate that the cervix would swell,
being not fully dilated, but didn't feel it. It finally felt really right to push. Amy had said she really couldn't
tell if the back of the cervix was completely gone with the water bag intact, and didn't check after if was broken.
We just closely monitered my feelings and body signs as to whether pushing was safe. I made it to the toilet and
again pushed. It was the first time I had ever pushed on the potty! It works great! I was curious as I pushed, about
the fact that I had never really had to push before in any other labor. A little, but not like this. My spirits were
great as I pushed. I no longer felt scared or stuck. This felt right and I was so glad we had broken my water.
After
a while on the toilet, I asked if I could go back to the bed and lie on my back to push! Everyone was surprised as I
would ordinarily never suggest something like this! But my body was compelling me to go. I laid on my back and
pushed with all my might. I asked Amy if any thing was changing several times and when on the toilet had been able
to reach inside and feel his head, trying to moniter his descent. I didn't notice any change from one push to the
next, and wanted to! Suddenly, Amy saw the head! She ran to grab the birth supplies and bring them over to the bed.
I yelled for Dennis who was out of the room. I was afraid he would miss the birth. I was calling for Amy to help me,
to catch him, and to stop pulling on me! She insisted she wasn't touching me... it was Ben's head! When his head was
emerging, Amy said to reach down and feel him. But my belly was so huge that I couldn't! They tried to prop me
up so I could feel. Another couple of pushes pulling on Dennis hand, and Amy said he was coming
out totally posterior! I felt again and asked "Is that his nose?" It was! Amy said he was so cute... she felt bad
that she got to see him before I did! I remember screaming in the midst of a push for someone to turn on the video
camera and take pictures! I pushed out his head, then waited a while before pushing out his body. His chest, just
like Sam's, was bigger around than his head! Amy had me help pull him up onto my chest where I cried and cried.
Thankful to have another son, and thankful to be done with such a hard labor! When he came out, even more fluid came
with him. Everything and everyone in the room got soaked! We were all amazed at this huge baby 9lbs 6oz, in so much
fluid. And that I was able to push him out with relative ease, sunny side up! Thank you Lord for an amazing birth
and a beautiful son, Benjamin Douglas Tilzey, born at 1:20pm on 1/20/2010.
my 4th was my most "challenging" as well!
